


A Supernatural Love Story

by MsImpala67



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jared, Boys In Love, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, J2, M/M, Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, Shower Sex, Slow Burn, Threesome, Top Jensen, love story of jensen and jared, lovesick boys can't get their shit together, non-au, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-10-13 18:03:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 68,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10518987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsImpala67/pseuds/MsImpala67
Summary: The story of how Jared fell in love with Jensen, how Jensen was already in love with Jared, and what happened after that. (Non-au that takes place during filming of the show.)





	1. Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> This is the very first little bit of a story I've had in my head for a while. I hope to update once a week!

“Alright, we’re ready to go again.”

Again?

Jared cringes and moves to his mark, trying hard not to let his frustration show. 

The scene goes exactly the same way it has the last six takes, and Jensen is on top of him again before he’s ready for it. 

This time, when Jensen says his line, there’s just a touch too much melodrama in his “Easy, tiger,” and they’re both instantly laughing, Jensen letting his head drop down almost to Jared’s shoulder as he pushes himself off and sits in the floor.

“Sorry,” he smiles to the crew. 

Jared jumps up quickly, shrugging his whole body in an attempt to look like he’s just working out the kinks of fighting Jensen all day, while actually trying to hide his erection. He’s had it the past few takes, the result of Jensen’s hips against his one too many times. 

If Jensen felt it, he’s doing a good job of hiding his reaction, but Jared isn’t too worried about that. 

He’s more worried about the massive crush he’s developing. 

They’d hit it off from the first meeting, and are already abnormally close for the short amount of time they’ve worked together. It’s bad enough to have a crush on a co-worker, but this is a _male_ co-worker. He’s never been attracted to a man before, and this whole situation couldn’t be more complicated if they added brain surgery to his contract. 

Jared shrugs the thoughts away and keeps working. And it’s actually pretty easy to forget about everything but Sam Winchester for a while. He’s already in love with the character he’s portraying, already in love with the story. There’s an excitement in the air, like everyone knows they are doing something special, even if the future of this pilot isn’t certain yet. Jared lets himself focus on that instead of Jensen’s body heat, and the rest of the day is a tiny bit easier. 

And then they leave set for the day. 

“You wanna go grab some dinner?” Jensen asks him. 

Who is Jared to turn down a polite offer?

The restaurant is decently crowded, and they have to wait a few minutes before they’re seated. Jensen watches the fish in the huge decorative tank by the door, probably too tired from their long day to keep up a conversation, but Jared is aware enough to notice how those damn green eyes keep glancing in his direction. 

Great. Now there’s actual tension. 

Jared ignores it.

“This way, please,” the hostess finally says, and they follow her to a tiny booth in the back.

They are almost too big to fit, but they fold their bodies in anyway and thank her.

Suddenly, Jared is starving. 

“Man, I could eat everything on this menu,” he comments, mouth starting to water a little. 

“Right? The craft services department is awesome, but I don’t think they realize how much we eat. I’ve left hungry this entire week.”

They order quickly, and then Jared opens his mouth to say...nothing. He closes it again and tries to think of something witty, but now he feels self conscious, and Jensen is just looking around the room with that self-assured expression it feels like he personally invented.

Jared blurts out his actual thoughts instead. “You’ll have to teach me that look.”

Jensen furrows his brow in confusion. “What look?”

“That _I’m a picture perfect model and I’m also having deep and profound thoughts right now_ look.”

A bright smile lights up Jensen’s face as he laughs, tossing his head back and letting his shoulders shake with it. 

God, he’s beautiful. Jared’s chest hurts with how good it feels to have made him laugh like that. 

They laugh the rest of the meal, tension forgotten, feeling a little high from their exhaustion and from finally feeding their hunger. 

It’s just the ease between them. Jared decides that’s all his crush is. He’s never met anyone that he clicked with so instantly, and there’s a lot of closeness involved in creating something like this television show. That doesn’t mean it’s sexual or romantic. 

Except that he can’t stop staring at Jensen’s lips. 

But honestly, who’d be able to, straight gay or otherwise?

“So, really.” Jared leans forward and makes a skeptical face. “Dawson’s Creek?”

Jensen raises an eyebrow. “Gilmore Girls?”

“Fair enough,” Jared grins. “Both odd roles for two born and raised Texas boys, don’t you think?”

Jensen only shrugs. “Nah. There were plenty of good fishin’ holes in North Carolina when I was filming Dawson’s Creek.”

“You fish?”

Jensen nods enthusiastically. “I love anything to do with the water.”

“Oh man.” Jared’s louder now, bouncing a tiny bit in his seat. “The next time we’re both back in Texas, we gotta meet up and go out on a lake. Rent some jet skis or something.”

“That’d be awesome,” Jensen agrees. “I’m game.”

The topic changes and drifts easily as they talk, never running out of things to say and never falling into anything awkward. Time passes so quickly that Jared is honestly surprised to look down and find an empty plate. He could have sworn their food just arrived. 

“I think this is gonna be good,” Jensen says as they wait for their check, making Jared freeze for just a second. “Supernatural, I mean. It’s gonna be good.”

Jared smiles, thinking that at the very least, it’s going to be a hell of a lot of fun.


	2. Dead in the Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during the filming of Episode 1 x 03, Dead in the Water. Jared pines for Jensen as his crush deepens.

Jared drops his arms to set Jensen’s feet back on the ground, and they both let their serious faces break into the laughter they’ve been holding back. 

“Gotta give them somethin’ for the gag reel,” Jensen teases and Jared nods his agreement. 

Somehow, it’s been a little over three months since they were hired. Three months of filming and press, three months of wondering if they were going to have jobs for the rest of the year, and three months of Jared being this close to Jensen _every fucking day_. 

Things are going well and there’s a bit of weight off their shoulders. They can just focus on making a good show, on doing what they love and doing it to the best of their ability. But Jared’s focus is split between that, and the man standing next to him. 

“You ready for some lunch?” Jensen asks. The sun hits his face and makes his skin fucking glow, and Jared ignores the freckles sprinkled across his nose. “We should definitely get some food while we can. It’s gonna be a long day once they start filming us in the water.”

In the water. Jensen, shirt dripping wet and sticking to every muscle.

Fuck.

Somehow, through sheer force of will, Jared speaks coherently through the dirty thoughts in his brain. “You know I’m always ready for lunch.”

He resists the urge to reach out and touch Jensen somehow. Maybe throw an arm around him. Maybe jokingly smack his ass. Maybe wind their fingers together. But he can’t. He already touches Jensen more than he should, and the pictures from the Whatever It Was Called Press Event the other night prove it. Jared is still half-laughing and half-cringing at the picture of him hugging Jensen while curling his leg around him, like a koala climbing a tree. 

The thing is, Jensen is always right there to accept the touches, to lean into them, to reciprocate them every now and then. 

And the moments where Jensen actually initiates them? Those are the moments Jared lives for. He’ll be high off of Jensen jokingly jumping into his arms in that goofy take for the next couple of hours at least. 

Unfortunately, Jensen is impossible to read. Jared’s at the point where, if he was given the green light from Jensen, they’d be making out in front of everyone with no shame, but he just isn’t one hundred percent sure. There are plenty of looks, plenty of shy smiles and winks and laughs that are a little too loud. And there’s plenty of sexual tension. Every physical scene turns into torture as they sweat and move together. 

And that’s as far as it goes. 

_Probably because you’re an idiot and making this all up in your head,_ Jared thinks to himself.

They grab lunch, and to Jared’s relief, the rest of the day is too busy for him to torture himself with Jensen. By the time he gets to the tiny apartment he’s rented, he’s bruised and exhausted, and happier about his job and his life than he can remember being in...well, ever.

The hot water of his shower is exactly what he needs, and he stands underneath it, lets it pound the soreness out of his muscles and wash away the grime of that lake. And now he has time to think. Without the crew around him, without the distractions, without the professional obligations, Jared lets his thoughts drift. 

He had watched the dailies along with everyone else, and he still wasn’t over the way Jensen dove into that lake. He was so athletic, body forming one sleek line, angled exactly the right way, looking as if it were all completely effortless. And once they were in the water, there was take after take, Jensen’s hair dripping, shirt clinging to his flat stomach exactly the way Jared had imagined. At one point, he had pulled himself out of the water and up onto the dock in one easy pull of his muscular arms. It’s _that_ memory that makes Jared’s cock twitch as he reaches for his body wash. 

He takes his time, smooths the fresh-smelling soap all over his skin, avoiding his erection until his chest and arms are completely covered. And then he gives in, rubs his hand over his cock as the image of Jensen fills his head. He starts with the memory of Jensen coming up out of the lake for air, mouth open and back arched. He lets his fingers trail down to his balls for a moment, gently massaging, then moves up to stroke his dick again, harder this time. 

The memory of today fades into other memories.

He sees Jensen in Dean’s leather jacket and rubs his thumb over the head of his cock. He pictures Jensen in a tight t-shirt, laughing at a joke Jared told, and groans as his fingers squeeze tighter. He fantasizes about the exact pink shade of Jensen’s lip, of the fucking sinful shape of them, of how they would feel pressed against his own, of how they would look stretched around his cock…

Jared forgets about dragging this out and starts stroking himself fast, fast enough that he’s coming in no time, one hand flat against the shower wall as he spills over his fingers. He groans through it, eyes squeezed shut as he still sees only Jensen’s face behind his eyelids. 

It’s the kind of release that makes him feel like jelly afterward, muscles a little shaky and useless as he lets the water rinse away the soap. He’ll wash his hair tomorrow morning. 

As he falls in bed naked, he stares at the cell phone on his night stand. 

He could just call him. 

He could call him and tell him that he likes him. That he can’t stop thinking about him. That he wants to shout to anyone who will listen about how lucky he is that they work together every day. He could tell him everything. 

Because it’s the middle of the night, and everything is dark and quiet and surreal, Jared actually picks up the phone and dials. He doesn’t even panic until he actually hears Jensen’s voice.

“Hey, everything okay?” His voice is sleepy, and Jared immediately regrets calling.

“Fine,” he assures him. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“That’s okay, I was only half-asleep on my couch anyway. I need to shower and get in an actual bed. What’s up?”

All the words that were on the tip of his tongue five seconds ago have disappeared. “I, uh. Well, I was just. Do you know what time we have to be on set tomorrow?” 

Jared cringes at his own weak excuse as it comes out of his mouth. They both know their schedules like the back of their hand, and if they didn’t, they both have about a million copies of it. On the off chance that Jared isn’t sure about the time, he doesn’t need to call Jensen to figure it out. 

Jensen pauses for just a moment before answering. “Call time is noon.”

Again, Jared struggles for something to say. “Cool. Guess they wanted to give us time to actually sleep for a few hours.”

“Well, seeing as how it’s already after three in the morning, I’m not sure about actual sleep. But it’s better than nothing.”

The next few seconds drag on as neither of them speak. 

“So, uh,” Jensen starts, and Jared’s certain he’s about to awkwardly get off the phone and leave Jared to lie in bed mortified until it’s time to get up and face him again. “Are you as sore as I am from all that swimming today?”

“Oh my God, it was awful,” Jared breathes, grateful for the excuse to keep talking. 

“I won’t be able to walk tomorrow,” Jensen laughs, “and I didn’t even get sore the fun way.”

Jared’s caught off guard by that brazen statement and lets out a laugh that’s a little more flirty than simply appreciative of the joke. “Well, we’ve got a solid eight hours before we’re due back at work. Plenty of time for you to find some action.”

Jensen snorts. “I don’t have it in me to move right now, so unless there’s someone ready and willing to come to me and do all the work, I’m shit outta luck, man.”

“Then I guess you’re just stuck talking to me.” It’s a risky thing to say, and Jared’s heart is hammering into his ribs. 

“I could do worse,” Jensen says, and there’s a serious tone beneath the words.

Jared smiles into his dark bedroom and lets the adrenaline flow through him until he knows he won’t sleep tonight. It won’t make a difference. With just four words, Jensen has guaranteed he’ll be in a good mood tomorrow.

They talk for a few more minutes about nothing, and get off the phone as easily as if they were just hanging out during a break at work, rather than having a hushed conversation in the middle of the night. 

Jared manages to drift off eventually, the quiet desperation he’d been feeling suddenly melting into that sweet excitement of anticipation. 

He doesn't need to make some big confession or demand that decisions be made. 

This is good enough to let it play out on its own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! XOXO


	3. Brawlers

The bar is crowded, which means that Jared has an excuse to lean into Jensen when he talks, close enough to smell the cologne as he speaks right into his ear. “Here’s to a good premiere and getting a full season.”

Jensen gets just as close when he answers, his breath tickling the skin of Jared’s neck. “We won’t know for at least another month. Don’t count your chickens.” But he’s smiling when he pulls away, and they clink their beer bottles together before drinking them down.

It’s late, Jared’s drunk, and Jensen is gorgeous. All night, Jared has watched Jensen smile and laugh, drink until his cheeks are flushed, move around the crowd with the ease of a man who knows he’s worth something. And all night, Jared has had to bite his tongue, to hold his arms still, to make sure he doesn’t give himself away.

Jensen’s drunk too, Jared knows, because he keeps bumping into him, and his hands are lingering a little too long when he touches Jared’s arm. 

The alcohol is the reason why they never saw the fight coming. 

“I think those two girls over there recognize us,” Jensen smiles indulgently. “They keep staring and whispering. Should we go say hi?”

Jared grins, knowing that Jensen genuinely wants to please his fans and finding it adorable. “Nah,” Jared says. “They’ll come over eventually and I don’t know if walking is a great idea for me at the moment.”

Jensen laughs. “Then maybe we should get you home.”

Home. Home with Jensen. Jared would do anything for Jensen to take him home. He’ll take the drunken sex, of course, but honestly, he just wants to feel Jensen’s weight in bed next to him, wants to talk to him in the morning, wants to openly stare at him without feeling guilty about it later.

His legs wobble underneath him as he stands up, and he throws an arm around Jensen’s shoulders to keep himself upright as they laugh and stumble their way to the door. 

The women are still staring as they get closer, and one of them cries out “Oh my God, it’s them!”

The guy is in Jared’s face before he can even turn around to smile at the woman who spoke. 

“You messing with these girls?”

He’s tall, but not nearly as tall as Jared, appearing out of nowhere. Still, his fists are clenched and his chin is raised, a clear challenge. It’s all bluster, just some drunk guy looking for trouble, but it hits a nerve.

“Shut the fuck up,” Jared huffs, more amused and irritated than angry, which pisses the guy off even more. He raises his fist for the punch as the women shrink back away from the trouble, and there’s no way Jared’s drunk body is going to be able to move away in time. He just braces himself for the blow.

It doesn’t come.

Suddenly, Jensen isn’t at Jared’s side anymore. He’s in front of him, lunging at the man’s waist and tackling him to the ground. 

“Shit,” Jared shouts, reaching down to grab at the back of Jensen’s shirt. The last thing they need is bad publicity, or worse, an arrest.

The man’s friends jump in, one of them pushing at Jared, but he easily deflects and yanks Jensen to his feet. Everyone is too drunk to do any real damage, and as Jared and Jensen make their way out of the bar, there’s only harsh words being thrown rather fists.

Jared manages to get them both into a cab on the street, and gives the driver the address to his apartment. It’s only then that he turns and peers at Jensen in the dim light, who has a bloody nose and an eye that’s already starting to swell.

“Looks like he got a good punch in,” he says, clumsily reaching out to touch Jensen’s face. 

Jensen nods into the touch for just a second, then winces away, leaning against the opposite door to put some distance between them. Jared just faces forward and stays quiet the rest of the ride.

“You both getting out here?” the driver asks, pulling the car to a stop in front of Jared’s apartment building.

“Uh.” Jared glances over at Jensen, whose eye is almost swollen shut now, and raises his eyebrows. “Want to crash on my couch? It’s better than the hotel you stay in.”

Jensen nods without saying anything, and climbs out of the cab as Jared pays, body moving slow and heavily as he drags his feet to the sidewalk. Jared isn’t much better, groaning as he pulls himself to his feet and starts the long walk to the door of the building. Somehow, they end up kind of leaning into one another, arms pressed together and supporting each other’s weight. It isn’t until they are in the fluorescent light of the elevator that Jared gets a good look at Jensen, and bursts out laughing.

“Dude, you look like shit.”

“You don’t look much better,” Jensen grunts, then starts laughing too. 

Jared can see himself in the reflection of the metal elevator door, and Jensen is right. He isn’t beaten up, but his hair is everywhere, his clothes are disheveled, and his face looks haggard with his buzz.

They make it inside and head straight for the kitchen, where Jared gets a dishtowel and some ice while Jensen cleans off the blood in the sink. It’s not the first time Jensen has hung out at Jared’s apartment, and they move around each other easily, with a rhythm they've quickly cultivated. Jared’s right there when Jensen straightens up and turns around, holding the homemade ice pack up and gently pressing it to Jensen’s eye. 

He expects Jensen to reach up and hold it there himself, but he just lays his hand over Jared’s instead, makes them both hold it. His hand is warm and solid, and Jared does his best not to stare at Jensen’s face too hard.

“Good thing we have a few days off. They’d have to reschedule shooting for this.”

Jensen nods. “Thanks for letting me crash here tonight.”

The alcohol is wearing off, settling into just a fuzzy warmth, just enough to make everything feel a little dreamy. Just enough to make Jared a little more open than he should be. 

“Why’d you do it?”

Jensen furrows his brow. “Why’d I do what?”

“Go after that guy. He was coming after me. Not you.”

Jensen shrugs and looks away, his hand still on top of Jared’s. There’s only moonlight in the apartment, only barely allowing Jared to see his face, pale and young. “That’s why. He was askin’ for it. You’d have done the same for me.” His voice rises at the end like he’s asking a question.

“Yeah,” Jared nods. “I would have.”

The mood grows serious as they look at each other, and Jared squirms his hand away from Jensen’s. It’s too much. He’s too drunk. He’s going to say or do something and fuck everything up.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll get you a blanket.”

The apartment is small enough that there’s only one bathroom, and Jensen has to go through Jared’s bedroom to get to it. Jared’s already collapsed on his bed when Jensen comes out, but they grin as their eyes meet. 

Jensen sits on the edge of the bed and sighs. “So. Tonight was fun, not counting my black eye.”

“We should blow off steam more often,” Jared agrees. “I don’t remember the last time I got into a bar brawl.”

Jensen laughed. “I don’t make a habit of it.”

The conversation shifts easily, and they spend another hour talking about everything. They talk about the show, about what they want to do with their few days of freedom before they go back to set, and even a little about their families back in Texas. 

Jared drifts to sleep in the middle of a sentence.

And he wakes up with Jensen.  
He’s on top of the covers, horizontal at the foot of the bed, like he just scooted back from where he was sitting and plopped down, and Jared’s body is aching from being unable to stretch out all night. 

It’s worth it.

Jensen’s mouth has fallen open and he’s snoring just a little, and it’s the most endearing sound Jared’s ever heard. He watches him for a minute, watches his chest rise and fall, watches the glow of his skin in the morning sunlight. 

With a pretty intense effort, given his headache, he pushes himself up to sitting and shakes his head to clear it, then stands all the way up on the bed. Grabbing a pillow, he grins before dropping himself onto Jensen in an impromptu wrestling move. 

“What the fu-,” Jensen growls, eyes shooting open. He stares at Jared for a moment, one eye perfect and the other heavily bruised but open, then returns Jared’s smile. “You asshole,” he laughs, them grabs another pillow and slams it against Jared’s head. 

Neither of them have the energy to do more than that, and they just lie side by side, staring at the ceiling. 

This is what Jared’s wanted. A morning with Jensen. He wants to touch him, wants to feel his body heat, wants Jensen to know how hard his heart is beating right now.

Instead, they get up and have breakfast.

********

It’s been a long day, and all Jared wants is to talk to Jensen. He’s been waiting in Jensen’s trailer, twisting his body back and forth on the stool, watching the tiny television on the counter. If the show gets picked up for a whole season, maybe the two of them can get nicer trailers. Not that he’s unappreciative of the ones they have now, but if they’re gonna spend all day every day in them, he’d like to be able to stand up straight without hitting his head on the ceiling. 0

In the month since the bar fight, which is now ‘the night Jensen slept in my bed’ to Jared, all they’ve done is work and wonder about the future of the show. It seems promising, but absolutely nothing in television is certain until papers have been signed. Sometimes not even then. It’s getting to Jared. He’s never handled these moments well. He feels drained and emotional, two minutes away from smashing something simply because he’s scared and doesn’t know how to say it.

Jensen finally opens the door of the trailer, smiles at Jared, and it’s like a rush of air straight into his suffocating lungs. He’s pretty used to that feeling now. Pretty used to hiding it, too. 

“Hey,” he says. “You’re out of potato chips. You’re always out of potato chips.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “That’s because you eat them. Better watch it. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to those cut abs. What if you have to film a shirtless scene?”

Jared watches Jensen’s eyes flash as he raises a suggestive eyebrow, and that’s a fucking flirty look if Jared ever saw one.

“So, I guess we find out tonight?”

All the teasing leaves Jensen’s expression as he flops down in the only real chair, his long legs stretching out in front of him. “Yep. We’re supposed to be there in a few minutes, actually.”

The silence is heavy.

“Okay,” Jared finally says. “Let’s go find out if we get a full season.”

“And if we don’t?” Jensen’s voice is light, but he’s looking at the floor, and Jared can hear the undercurrent of worry. 

“Then I guess we’ll just have to find another show to do,” Jared says.

He says it on purpose, throws the ‘we’ out there and lets it fall between them.

Jensen pushes his lips out in that funny, sexy little way he has, then looks up and meets Jared’s eyes as he nods. “Okay.”

They stand up and head toward their fate, Jensen squeezing Jared’s shoulder every now and then like he’s comforting himself as much as Jared.


	4. Home

Jared’s quiet today, and he knows it’s bothering Jensen. He’s been hovering since they got on set, trying to find out what’s wrong with him, but Jared hasn’t told him.  


He wouldn’t know where to even start.

There’s nothing bothering him, really. Nothing happened, there wasn’t a fight or a bad day at work. 

Jared’s just drained. 

Home has been an intense episode to film. They have a chance to play around, now that the show has a full season, and this episode is digging into Sam and Dean. Jared knows that it’s the right move to start exploring their relationship. But it’s _hard_. It’s a lot of emotion to throw at Jensen all day, and a lot to take in when Jensen throws it right back. 

So no, nothing’s wrong. But Jared’s tired and quiet. 

And no wonder Jensen is confused about it. They’ve become inseparable. They joke and play and tease, they drive the crew crazy, they spend their off hours exploring Vancouver together. Jensen is the best friend Jared has, and it happened so quickly Jared never saw it coming. He expected his crush to run its course. He didn’t expect it to deepen and grow into something tight in his chest that threatens to explode every time Jensen’s in the same room. 

“Dude. Are you gonna tell me what you’re pissed about or what?” Jensen finally asks as they’re wrapping things up.

Jared shrugs his hair out of his eyes and clears his throat. “Not pissed. Just tired.” He manages a small smile and Jensen’s shoulders relax a little. Almost like he’s relieved that Jared isn’t mad. Or relieved that Jared isn’t mad at _him_. 

Or maybe that’s just what Jared wants to believe. 

He’s talking before he means to, because Jensen is looking at him with those green eyes and Jared’s safe there. He can say what he’s thinking. “This episode’s intense. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees. “And they’ve got us working long days. I think it’s good, though. It’s the kind of story you hope you get to tell, you know?”

“Definitely. But I need a full night’s sleep,” Jared grins. 

Jensen nods. “I’ll see you tomorrow, man.”

Jared goes into Jensen’s arms when he opens them, the hug so normal that he doesn’t think twice until he realizes that Jensen’s squeezing a little tighter than normal, holding on for a few extra seconds. 

“Take care of yourself,” he mumbles, and Jared just nods at him, not sure what’s happening here. Jensen walks away on legs that Jared can’t help but grin at, somehow feeling more energized than he’s felt all week.

********  
Sandy calls the next morning.

“Hello?” Jared tries to hide the surprise in his voice, or make it pleasant surprise at the least. 

“Hey!” she chirps, as sweet and cheerful as always. “How are you, babe?”

That does make him smile, so achingly familiar that he swallows hard before answering. “I’m good. Really good. How are you?”

“I’m in town,” she tells him. “I was thinking that Mr. I’m the Lead in a Hit TV Show could take me out to dinner and catch up?”

He can hear the flirtation in her voice as well as the sincerity, and he means it when he tells her he’d love that.

As soon as they’ve made arrangements and hung up, he calls Jensen.

“Hey,” Jensen answers.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Just enjoying not leaving my couch.” 

Jared listens to the muffled tone of his voice, then hears the gentle twang of Jensen’s guitar. It’s yet another thing about Jensen that makes Jared smile. “Yeah, well, don’t worry about leaving it tonight to entertain me. I know we had big plans to sit and watch television tonight, but an old friend of mine is in town and I’m going to dinner with her.”

“Her?”

“Yeah. Her name’s Sandy McCoy. We worked together about a year ago.” That’s all Jared says. Something’s a little off in Jensen’s tone, so he doesn’t add that he and Sandy have been casually dating on and off since they met. 

“Well, have fun. I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

Again, something sounds different, and Jared doesn’t quite know what to do with that. So he settles for just saying “Yep.”

Now he’s got all day to sit around, wait to go out with Sandy, and overthink absolutely everything. 

Was Jensen...was Jensen jealous? It isn’t like him to get annoyed at canceling plans that weren’t real plans in the first place, so was it the fact that he was canceling to go out with a girl? 

Part of Jared feels weird about that. And part of him desperately hopes it’s true. He wants Jensen to tell him that he’s jealous so he can reassure him. So he can tell him that he has nothing to worry about. 

Or maybe Jensen just sounded weird because he was trying to talk and play guitar at the same time. 

What the fuck does Jared know?

********

Sandy is as beautiful as ever. Maybe more beautiful. Her face all but radiates in the light of the table’s candle, and Jared is glad he came tonight. It feels like him, an old version of him he’s almost forgotten. One that has nothing to do with Jensen or how tangled up he’s felt inside ever since he met that man.

They catch up on life in general, asking about each other’s friends and family, talking about what work she’s been doing. And then she gets to the big news between them.

“So, Supernatural. I love it.”

“You watched the pilot?”

She nods. “And the two episodes after that. It’s fantastic.”

“You think?” He can feel himself blushing, but he asks anyway, wanting to know what someone outside his immediate circle thinks. 

“Absolutely. There’s a great dynamic between the brothers. It’s going to be intense, isn’t it?”

Jared takes a drink of his wine and clears his throat. “Yes.”

“It’s so much fun, too. I love the horror aspect. It’s about time there was another good horror show.” She leans forward, the swell of her breasts pushing over the neckline of her tight dress. “What’s the set like? And Jensen? Is it a good job?”

Jared’s mouth goes dry, and he takes another long drink. “He’s great. They’re all great. Definitely a fun place to go every day. I think I’m gonna be there as long as the show runs.”

“Well, cheers to that.” As she holds up her glass to toast, her foot slides up his leg under the table. Jared grins at her, clinking his glass against hers and thinking that he deserves to blow off a little steam. He’s been wound too tight and she’s great, pretty and funny and exactly the distraction he needs. 

The conversation changes then, turns to subtle flirting, then not so subtle flirting, Jared drinking more and more wine as the night goes on. By the time the check comes, she’s sitting on his side of the booth, hand more in his lap than on his thigh, breathing against his neck when she talks.

She smells delicious, and Jared remembers exactly how good she _feels_.

Only the more he drinks, the worse he feels. 

He likes Sandy. God knows it wouldn’t be the first time they’ve been together. It wouldn’t even be the first time they’ve fucked and said their goodbyes afterward. But he just can’t get into it tonight. By the time they are walking out the door, her clinging to his arm to keep her balance, he knows he’s going home alone. 

“Well,” she grins eagerly, leaning up on her tiptoes, “your place?”

He doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. But he can’t do this. Not tonight. “Actually, I have an early day tomorrow. I, uh, I really shouldn’t…”

Her face goes from shock to annoyance as her cheeks flush with embarrassment. “Oh. Right. Okay, then.”

“I’m sorry.” And he is. He would give almost anything to want to take her home, to feel her underneath him again. But that isn’t what he wants anymore. The alcohol in his brain is very sure of that. So he just leans down and kisses her cheek, then puts her in a cab. 

As he gets into his own cab, anger bubbles over, amplified by the wine. 

He should be able to date a beautiful girl. He shouldn’t be such a baby, pining after someone who will never feel the same, letting it mess up his life this way. And he definitely shouldn’t be going home alone tonight. The whole thing was stupid. Stupid and wrong. Stupid and wrong and ridiculous.

When the driver asks for his address, he gives him the name of Jensen’s hotel.

********

“Jared?” Jensen’s surprised, obviously, but he still has a small smile when he opens the door. “You okay?”

“I’m good.” He wobbles a little as he says it and catches himself on the doorway. “Had some wine at dinner.”

“Obviously. You comin’ in?” Jensen watches him closely, feeling the situation out, and Jared moves his hips a little more than necessary as he passes him. Let Jensen stare at his ass for once.

The couch must rise up to meet him or something, because he’s suddenly sitting on it, but he can’t remember lowering himself. Jensen’s right there, peering at him with a frown. “You want some water?”

“Sure. Thanks.”

Jensen heads to the small kitchen area in his hotel suite, and when he speaks, he kind of throws the question over his shoulder, like it isn’t the most important question he’s ever asked. “What happened to your date?”

Jared laughs loudly, but there’s no humor behind it. “My date? Wasn’t a date.”

“Oh, please,” Jensen calls back. “Old friend? That’s a date.”

“Well then. My date...I sent my date home.” His words are slurred and slow.

“Not into her?” Jensen’s back and handing Jared a water bottle, fingers brushing together and sending tingles up Jared’s already shaky arm. 

He takes a long drink before he answers, head swimming with a million sentences he isn’t sure make any sense. “She’s actually kind of perfect.”

“Yeah?” Jensen sits down and their knees brush. Neither of them pull away. 

“Yeah. She’s smart. And sexy. We always have a good time together. S’easy with her.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

It takes Jared a few seconds longer than usual to turn his head, and even longer for his eyes to focus. When they do, he’s staring at Jensen, at that strong nose and cut jaw, at everything he wants and everything he can’t have.

And Jensen’s staring right back.

He’s definitely too drunk for this. 

“The problem...s’that I don’t want perfect.”

Yep. Definitely too drunk.

Jensen smirks. “Perfect a little boring for you?”

He’s so right, and of course he is. _Of course_ Jensen understands exactly how Jared feels. 

Jared’s woozy, whole body tilting forward. He should stop. He’s getting too close...so close he could…

And then they’re kissing.

It happens so easily and suddenly that Jared isn’t even freaked out by it. It’s natural, exactly what should be happening. 

God, it’s every bit as good as the fantasies Jared has had.

It’s too sloppy, and Jared can’t get his lips to stop kissing Jensen’s chin as well as his mouth, but it’s warm and rough, and he can smell Jensen’s skin, and fuck. He wants to do just this forever. He’s never kissed a guy before, so he doesn’t know if it’s guys in general or just Jensen, but he is absolutely going to be let down by any and all women after this.

He’s already ruined.

As soon as Jared gets his mouth in the right place and sighs a little, Jensen decides to ruin it by pulling away. 

“Hey, man, we can’t...you’re really drunk.”

“Don’t care,” Jared says, leaning back in and reaching out this time. 

Jensen traps his hands with his own and stops him. “Look. We really shouldn’t do this.”

“Because you don’t want to? Or because you think you shouldn’t want to?” It’s a convoluted question and Jared fumbles the words, but Jensen knows what he’s asking. Those green eyes close for a minute and Jensen takes a couple of deep breaths. Jared watches, heart pounding with anticipation.

It’s Jensen that reaches out this time, cups Jared’s face in his hands and looks at him like he’s burning up with it, like he’s as desperate and angry as Jared. Their mouths meet correctly this time, Jared’s bottom lip caught between Jensen’s, swelling as Jensen gently sucks at it. 

They kiss forever, slow and lingering and lazy, not even noticing how they end up lying down, Jensen half on top of Jared, fingers tangling through his shaggy hair. 

Jared’s head is still too fuzzy to make sense of any of this. All he knows is that it feels _good_.

“Jensen,” he finally moans, hands running up Jensen’s arms.

It’s like saying his name sets off an alarm, and Jensen’s pulling away again.

“We can’t do this,” Jensen says, more emphatically this time, and Jared freezes, horrified as the reality of what’s happening sinks through his drunken haze.

“I’m sorry,” Jared starts, hot and drunken tears forming in his eyes.

“No! That’s not it. It’s just. You’re really drunk. And I’m really out of it. Not the best time to make decisions.”

Jared sits up, everything spinning in the bad way now, turning his stomach. “Yeah. Okay.” If only he could disappear into the back of this couch. If only he was at his own apartment, pretending to be as into Sandy as he used to be.

“Stay. Sleep out here on the couch.” 

It feels like Jensen means that, and Jared knows he’s only going to be conscious for a few more minutes anyway, so he nods. Neither of them speak again as Jensen gets him an extra blanket and pillow. 

Jensen is almost out of the room, and Jared is almost asleep, but he can’t help but say one last thing. Put a bookend on this massive mistake. “M’sorry, Jen.”

“What for?”

“Comin’ here tonight. Shoulda gone home.”

“Yeah, well. I’m not sorry.”

Those three words are the only reason Jared rests easy that night. 

********

The sunlight is barely glowing through the curtains and it’s too much for Jared. He wants to sleep forever. Not because he’s hungover. Oh, he would gladly take a pounding headache and a queasy stomach over this. This is so much worse.

He can still feel Jensen’s lips, only the clarity of being sober shows the true story of last night. Jared was clumsy and sloppy, and has made a total fool of himself. He drags the blanket up over his face and stifles a groan, caught somewhere between cringing and rolling his eyes at himself. 

“Mornin’, tiger.” Jensen’s voice rings loud and clear from the kitchenette, and Jared can’t hide on the couch forever.

Tiger.

“Shut up, _Dean_ ,” he teases, biting the bullet and tossing the blanket to the floor. 

Jensen smirks, then turns from the refrigerator to meet Jared’s eyes. “You feeling okay this morning?”

Jared nods. “I’m good.” He gets a good look at Jensen then, sweatpants only, bare chest exposed and toes curling into the floor, and swallows. “Yeah. Good.”

Jensen lifts an eyebrow and looks him up and down, expression greedy, like he’s seeing something better than last night’s wrinkled clothes and wine stained teeth. 

“I, uh. I shouldn’t have dropped by like that last night. I’m sorry.”

“You already apologized last night.” Jensen pours a little milk into a coffee mug, then thrusts it at Jared, who grins at the fact that they can make each other’s coffee the right way. “And I told you it wasn’t necessary.”

“But we kissed.” There. Put it all out there and hope for the best. 

The muscles in that gorgeous back go rigid as Jensen takes a little longer than necessary to return the milk to the fridge. “We did,” he finally says, tone perfectly and carefully neutral.

“And?”

“And what? You kissed me, you know. Maybe you should be the one talking.”

Jared shrugs. “What do you want me to say?”

“Was that just a totally random fluke?” 

Jared can feel Jensen’s walls go up. Those are the walls Jared spent weeks breaking down. The walls that no one else is allowed through. The walls that are not going to go up between them again if he can help it.

“No. It wasn’t a random fluke. It’s, um, something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, actually.” He takes a chance and steps closer to Jensen, encouraged by the fact that Jensen wants to talk about this, that he isn’t just pretending it didn’t happen or laughing about it like it was just some drunk story they’ll reminisce about someday.

“We. Uh. We have work today. We better get going.”

Jared sighs loudly, curling back in on himself and preparing for the most awkward work day he’s ever had. “Okay. I’m gonna catch a cab home and change, and I’ll see you there.”

“And not that I need to tell you this, but, uh, can we not tell anyone about last night?”

Jared’s stomach drops and his throat tightens so that his voice comes out too stretched and high. “Right.”

Jensen reaches out, but stops halfway and lets his hand drop back down. “It’s just that. I don’t want anyone talking when we don’t even know what’s going on here.”

“Is there something going on here?” Jared doesn’t have anything else to lose, and he might as well hear it straight from Jensen that he’s an idiot for thinking otherwise.

Jensen takes a minute, glances around the room, licks his lips and pushes them out the way he does when he’s nervous. “Of course there is,” he says quietly. 

Jared meets Jensen halfway when he leans in, and _this kiss_ , this one is perfect. It’s soft and sweet and simple. Over as soon as it starts. Fucking magical. 

“Let’s just get through today, and then we can come back here and talk. Okay?”

Jared grins. “Okay.”


	5. Sneaky

They’re both nervous. Jensen is quieter than usual, gruffer, hand rubbing at his jaw every now and then. Jared’s felt jittery all day, and now his stomach is rolling with the idea that maybe this conversation isn’t going to turn out like he’d hoped.

“So,” Jensen finally says, but he stops there, adjusts his long legs in front of the couch and sighs.

“So.” Jared’s sitting next to him, looking around as his own apartment like there’s something new for him to see. They came back here after work, almost without discussing it, just naturally heading in the same direction as is their habit. Jensen came right in and made himself at home like always, which had Jared feeling mostly okay. Until Jensen went all silent. Now he's losing confidence fast.

“Maybe you should tell me what happened last night.” Jensen keeps his eyes on his hands. 

_What happened? I got drunk and we made out. That’s what happened_. 

But Jensen probably wants more of an explanation than that. 

“I. Um. Sandy and I went out, and I had a lot of wine. When she went home, I just ended up at your place. You were there for the rest.”

Jensen finally looks over and rolls his eyes, but the edges of his lips are turned up in an almost-smile. “Yes, I know what happened. But what _happened_? Where did that come from?”

Jared feels his face flush, but he doesn’t look away. Instead, he juts his chin out. “You kissed me back. Where did _that_ come from?”

Jensen does smile then. “Fair enough.”

“It was just...I don’t know...something I’ve been thinking about.” That’s the understatement of the year.

“For how long?”

“A while.” He lets Jensen make what he wants out of that. He can’t tell him the whole truth. There would be a Jensen-shaped hole in the door if he told him that he’s wanted him from day one, that it’s not just a crush and it’s not just sexual, that he is deep in this and can’t dig his way out. So he sticks with “a while”.

“And Sandy?”

“We’ve gone out before. But she’s just a friend.” Jared wants that to be very clear. 

Jensen nods, then leans forward, elbows resting on his knees. Jared gives him a minute, knows that he has to work through this. 

He pushes his hair out of his face, clears his throat, adjusts his position a couple of times, tries his best to be patient, but it’s not one of his stronger suits. “You gotta say something, man. Or would you rather I just tell you I was totally wasted and had no idea what I was doing?”

“No,” Jensen says, quickly enough that Jared believes him. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about, too.”

“For how long?”

Jensen leans over a little, all bedroom eyes and pouty lips. “A while.”

They’re inches away from another kiss, and Jared feels drunk all over again just from the smell of Jensen’s cologne. 

“Is this a good idea?” And just like that, Jensen sobers him up. 

“You tell me.”

“We work together. And it looks like we’re going to work together for a long time. What if…”

Jared hears the hesitation as Jensen speaks, and narrows his eyes at him. “Are you really that concerned about work?”

Jensen hangs his shoulders and looks away for a second, then turns to look Jared straight in the eye. “Honestly?”

“Honestly,” Jared nods.

“Honestly, this whole thing makes me nervous.”

“Why?”

“Well, you’re a guy, for one. That’s new to me. And, just. You’re my best friend.” He doesn’t add a buddy punch to the shoulder or a “man” to the end of the sentence to lighten the words. He lets them have the serious meaning they should, and Jared understands.

And while Jared understands, he can’t help his grin. This is really happening. His heart is pounding in his ears, his whole body is buzzing with the need to move, because Jensen feels the same way. 

Carefully, he leans in just a little bit more, Jensen’s hot breath washing over his lips. “Then how about we just go slow? We don’t have to make any decisions or tell anyone right now or anything. We’ve got time.”

Jensen grins a little and doesn’t pull away, and now Jared’s soaring.

“We can just leave it at ‘we like each other’. And see what happens,” he continues.

Jensen nods. “I like that plan.”

When their lips finally touch, it’s intentional this time, completely sober and on purpose, a decision they’re making together rather than an impulse.

Jensen isn’t caught off guard or shy now, and his hands find Jared’s face to pull him closer as he leans back, until Jared’s practically in his lap. Jared slides his hands up Jensen’s arms, over his biceps, pushes between the couch and around to his back where he can dig his fingers in. They’re panting before they even really open their mouths.

Jensen makes a low sound in the back of his throat, runs his hands up into Jared’s hair and tugs a little, makes Jared shiver against him as their tongues finally come together. 

Jared’s smiling when Jensen pulls away a few minutes later. Those lips are begging to be kissed again, red and swollen and perfect, sitting beneath flushed cheeks and mussed hair.

“I should probably go.”

Jared nods. He's disappointed, but only a little. They did say they were going to take things slow, and after a kiss like that, he’s not worried. “Okay.”

He walks Jensen to the door, and they just smile at each other silently, no need for goodbye or any other awkward attempts at conversation. The shy look Jensen’s giving him is enough. 

********

_*You keep staring at me*_

Jared reads the text, then glances up to see if anyone is paying him any attention. When he sees the crew just going about their job setting up the shot, totally oblivious to him, he texts Jensen back.

_*’Cause you look hot today.*_

Jensen is only standing a couple of feet away, and Jared hears the buzz of his phone. He looks everywhere else as Jensen reads the message and types out a response. 

_*Yeah? You got a thing for Dean Winchester?*_

Jared grins.

_*I have a thing for your ass in those jeans.*_

It’s been two weeks of this, of stolen glances and sneaky texts, of dinners where Jared’s never quite sure if he’s supposed to act like it’s a date or not, and it’s been incredible. It’s still a complete rush to be able to say these things, so much freedom in letting the words roll off his lips instead of swallowing them down. He feels lighter than he has in months. 

Filming is going well, and soon they’ll be nearing sweeps, then the end of the first season. He goes home most days with his stomach muscles sore from laughing, tired but with a full heart, and he doesn’t even care that they have to keep whatever this is a secret for now. It makes sense for them. 

Jensen doesn’t get a chance to respond before the scene starts and they have to work again, but Jared doesn’t mind. He caught the look on Jensen’s face when he read it, surprised and more than a little flustered, and Jared has that expression in his mind the rest of the day. 

But work comes first, and they don’t get a chance to be alone again. Jared wraps earlier than Jensen and heads back to his own apartment to crash, wondering if Jensen will call him when he’s finished.

That doesn’t take long. His phone is ringing the exact second he’s stepping out of the shower, dripping everywhere. He should grab a towel first, but it might be Jensen, so his priorities shift and he just tries not to get to much water on the phone as he hastily answers.

“Hey.” He can hear the dorky cheer in his own voice from Jensen’s name across the screen, but he doesn’t care.

“Hey. You sound like you’re in a good mood.”

“Yeah, well, I got off early today and had time to relax.”

“Ass,” Jensen snorts. “What are you up to?”

“Just got out of the shower. You headed home?”

“Just walked in my room. The shower, huh?”

Jared walks to his bedroom naked, dripping water everywhere, and drops down on the bed. The sheets will dry before he goes to sleep later. “Yeah.”

Neither of them speak for a moment, and Jared wonders if Jensen regrets what he said, but then he speaks again, voice low and warm. “Shame you had to go home and shower all alone.”

That certainly jolts Jared out of his laziness and gets his blood pumping. “Is it?” he teases.

“Definitely.”

God, it’s so good, this teetering right on the edge, daring each other to be the first to jump, knowing that it doesn’t matter. They’re going down together. 

“And you would have made my shower better?”

Jensen laughs. “Of course.”

“Tell me how.” The teasing is over and Jared is serious. A little needy, even. 

“Someday,” Jensen starts, voice now matching Jared’s tone, “I’ll tell you all the things I would do if I had you pressed up against a shower wall, all wet and slippery. I’ll tell you all the things I want to do to you outside the shower, too.”

“Why ‘someday’? What’s wrong with right now?” Jared asks. 

“Because right now, I need to get some sleep. We have to be on set early in the morning.”

Jared frowns at the empty room and runs a hand over his stomach, his cock half-hard just from the conversation. “Yeah, okay. Night, Jen.”

“G’night.”

Jared knows that sleep isn’t the reason Jensen held himself back. 

But he can be patient. He can wait until Jensen’s ready. 

He’ll just get in bed and drive himself crazy reliving every single thing that’s happened between them like he’s a smitten teenager.

********  
Jared’s voice comes out rough and thick when he finally gets the phone answered, closing his eyes against the harsh blue light of it cutting through his dark bedroom. “Hello?”

“Sorry!” Sandy chirps loudly. “I thought you’d still be awake.”

“Early day tomorrow,” Jared mumbles, then sits up in bed and tries to force his voice to sound more alert. “Went to bed early. What’s up?”

“Well,” she drags the word out, and Jared can see her hand pulling at the necklace she always wears, the way she does when she’s nervous. “I wanted to ask you if anything was wrong. With us.”

“What?”

“You know, a couple weeks ago when I visited? The way you just said goodnight. Did I do something wrong?”

Jared immediately feels a pang of guilt. “No, of course not!” He can’t tell her about Jensen. But he can reassure her about herself. It’s not like they live in the same city or anything, and he has no responsibility to her. He can make her feel better without her thinking it might lead to something more. 

He makes his voice as sincere and apologetic as possible, which isn’t too hard because he honestly never meant to hurt her feelings. “Work has kind of taken over my life. This show is turning into a big deal, you know? And I was just under a lot of stress.”

“And that’s it?”

“That’s it,” he promises.

“You know, there was a time when I would have been good for stress relief,” she jokes, still a little nervous insecurity in her voice.

Jared laughs. “You absolutely were,” he agrees. “And I appreciate the hell out of you. I didn’t mean to act weird. It’s just. You know.”

There. That was nice and vague, and maybe she would understand that it had nothing to do with her. 

“Alright, well. I’ll let you go back to sleep. I’m sorry I woke you up with my crazy.”

Jared still doesn’t know what he did to deserve her or how cool she always is about everything. “Wake me up any time you want,” he smirks.

She giggles and hangs up the phone. 

He’s asleep and dreaming about Jensen in no time.


	6. Chapter 6

“Jay!”

Jensen’s voice rings out across the parking lot, loud and booming even though they’re outside and there’s at least six cars between them to absorb the sound. 

“Hey, Jen!” he calls back.

They fall into a big hug as soon as they're within reach, arms pulling the other closer, but it’s over too soon. Their drivers are still there, and though they probably aren’t watching too closely, it still isn't a good idea to hold on too long.

Still, Jared manages a murmured “Missed you” in Jensen’s ear before they pull apart. Jensen’s cheeks flush a little, but that’s the only outward sign of affection Jared’s going to get until they’re alone. 

“How was your holiday?” Jensen asks, turning and heading toward the fleet of trailers making up today’s set. 

“It was relaxing. Nice to have time to do nothing and actually get some sleep. Got a little bored by the end. How was yours?”

“Same.”

They had only spoken a handful of times during their whirlwind hiatus for Christmas, both too busy with their own families for more than a few text conversations here and there, and one phone call. And Jared _missed_ him. 

It was only a couple of weeks, but now that he’s back here, with Jensen’s arm close enough to accidentally brush against his as they walk, it feels like it’s been forever. Jared scoots a little closer so their arms brush again.

Everyone on set is in a good mood, happy to be back, happy to see the success the show is having. The day flies by as they all catch up, and Jared finds himself still missing Jensen as they leave for the day. He wants- no, he needs- a few minutes with Jensen all to himself. 

_Acting like a jealous boyfriend_ , he thinks to himself with a laugh. _And we aren’t even technically dating_.

Despite Jared's mood, they climb into separate cars that night, both too exhausted to hang out. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah,” Jared nods, “but it probably won’t be until we’re on the red carpet. I’ve got one scene to film.”

Jensen makes a face and Jared grins, soaking up any evidence that Jensen missed him, too. “Night.”

Jared nods and climbs into the backseat of the service car, leans his head back and closes his eyes. How long are they going to do this before something gives?

********

The Critic’s Choice Awards are exciting. Jared’s only been to a couple of these events, and he’s still getting used to how glamorous everyone seems as they saunter down the line, cameras snapping pictures while photographers yell their names, trying to get the perfect shot. 

It’s fun, though a little nerve-wracking, to get dressed up and be a part of it, to hear his own name among the shouts, to get interviewed about the show (and sometimes about the most random unrelated things).

And then he spots Jensen. In a suit. Grinning sheepishly into a microphone. 

Fuck. 

Jared can’t focus on the question he’s answering now, so he quickly ends the interview, manages to smile and say thank you, and then he’s moving toward Jensen. It’s like a magnetic pull that he isn’t strong enough to stop. He watches how charming Jensen is, how disarming, how gorgeous he looks.

And then he smiles as he decides exactly what he wants to do.

It’ll be funny and cute. It’ll give the press something to talk about, and it will be good publicity for the show. And Jared’s impulsive anyway. 

So he doesn’t think twice about bounding over to Jensen, grabbing his face, and pretending to kiss him. He’s not going to, of course, and he gets just the reaction he wants. Jensen pulls away at first, until he realizes that it’s Jared touching him, and then he purses his lips and slaps Jared’s hands away with a scolding expression.

Jared runs away as quickly as he came, and glances back to see Jensen rolling his eyes and laughing in a “see what I have to put up with?” way. 

Perfect. 

He and Jensen can laugh about this later, and maybe Jared can get a real kiss.

And now he’s got the scent of Jensen’s cologne in his head to carry him through the rest of the red carpet.

********

“What the hell was that?” Jensen hisses when they sit down at their assigned seats. His voice is angry, but his expression is still serene, picture perfect. 

“What?” Jared plays it up with wide, puppy dog eyes, but his stomach is sinking at the thought that Jensen might be mad. He never thought that would be the reaction.

“That kiss. You can’t just do that.”

Jared ducks his head. Jensen’s right. It was a stupid move, especially since he knows Jensen is still uncomfortable with their...whatever it is. What was he thinking? “I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

Jensen nods, face softening a little at his tone of voice, but the rest of the night is awkward. Things feel stiff, a little too polite and formal between them.

Jared is still inwardly cringing about the whole thing when he gets back to his apartment and pulls a bottle of water out of the fridge, slinging his jacket over the back of the stool.  
He’s unbuttoning his shirt and trying to decide the best way to deal with this tomorrow when there’s a knock on his door.

Given that it’s past midnight, Jared quietly walks to the door and looks through the peephole before he answers it. 

Jensen is standing in the hallway, hands in his pockets, biting his lower lip.

Why is he here? Is this good or bad? Does he want to make up, or is he here to tell Jared that things between them just aren’t gonna happen?

Only one way to find out.

Jared sighs and opens the door.

“Hey,” he says carefully.

Jensen’s eyes trail down his face to his neck, then to the tiny bit of chest exposed by the three buttons he has open. “Hey.”

“You wanna come in?”

Jensen stares at him with narrowed eyes, like he’s trying to think this through, trying to make a decision. 

And then he steps forward, into the apartment, and kicks the door closed behind him without a word. Jared doesn’t move back, and they’re standing chest to chest, just a couple of inches between them as they stare, something suddenly buzzing between them. 

“I thought you might be mad at me,” Jared whispers, sounding small and more emotional than he meant to. 

“No. I’m not mad. I'm. I'm..."

Slowly, intentionally, like he wants Jared to see him make the decision, he leans forward and touches their lips. It’s gentle and sweet with something hotter simmering underneath it, and Jared audibly sighs.

The noise must make something inside Jensen click, and before Jared can comprehend what’s happening, he’s being pushed back into his bedroom, Jensen’s hands and lips all over him. There’s an urgency he hasn’t felt before as Jensen’s jacket falls to the carpet, and they’re both all jittery nerves, but Jensen’s mouth doesn’t falter as it finds Jared’s again, falling with him to the bed.

Jared’s blood is pounding in his ears and his hands are shaking as he reaches up to touch Jensen’s face. “You sure about this?”

He’ll die if Jensen tells him no, if he changes his mind, but he has to ask. He wants to know that Jensen wants this as much as he does. 

It’s like a dam has broken, and Jensen collapses on top of him, lips sucking at Jared’s neck and earlobe as he talks. “I’m sure. God, I’m sure. Wanted you since we met. Wanted to touch you every fucking day, wanted to kiss you. And tonight…”

Jared can’t breathe.

“And tonight I wanted to grab you, kiss you in front of everyone, all those cameras, make you officially mine.”

Jared shudders at that thought, moans out loud because this is just too fucking much. 

It takes Jensen a minute of fumbling to get to his knees, hands sliding up Jared’s sides, underneath his shirt. He grins a little as he slides his hands back out again and starts unbuttoning the dress shirt, making a show of getting it off Jared’s body. 

“Jesus, you’re beautiful,” he pants, like he’s been holding all this in for far too long and can’t stop the flow of words now. 

His hands are warm on Jared’s skin, and he starts tracing collarbones, dragging fingernails down to pinch nipples. That makes Jared jump, stomach flexing, and Jensen traces the lines of those muscles, too. 

Jared watches, caught up in this, in Jensen looking at him, wanting him. This is exactly what he’s wanted to do to Jensen. He’s bursting out of his skin now that he knows Jensen feels it, too. 

“Jen,” he murmurs, squirming beneath him, wanting to kiss him again, or touch him, or something.

“I love when you call me that,” Jensen says, sliding his tongue over Jared’s stomach as he speaks. 

“Lots of people call you that.”

“S’different when it’s you,” he mumbles, moving lower to follow the dark, thin line of hair that disappears under the hem of Jared’s blue jeans. 

Their hands find each other and squeeze, and then Jared’s sitting up, pushing back against Jensen in a sweet struggle until he’s shirtless too.

Jensen’s mouth is on his again, and this time there’s clashing teeth and a low growl in the back of his throat, a hand tugging at Jared’s hair to get him to lie back down. 

It doesn’t take long for Jared to get impatient and snake a hand between them, grabbing at the first button and zipper he finds. It happens to be his own, and Jensen sits up, grabs the thin suit material and pulls, managing to get Jared’s socks off too. 

Jared’s left on the bed with nothing but his boxer-briefs on, and he’s never felt so _seen_ before. Those green eyes run over his body, heating up every patch of skin they look at, and the bulge in his underwear grows bigger by the second until he’s aching. 

When he shifts his hips, Jensen’s face goes a little tighter, and Jared sees the uncertainty there. 

“Hey, I’ve never done this before either,” he says softly, reaching out to run his hand down Jensen’s forearm. “We can go as slow as you want.”

Jensen swallows hard and shakes his head just once, a _yes okay this is good I can do this_ , then reaches for Jared’s hips. 

Jared is glad his voice sounded so steady, because he’s all but coming undone at the seams. This is everything he’s wanted, and that in itself is intimidating. But he has no idea how to actually do this, and there’s so any what ifs in his head right now that he can’t think straight. 

But then Jensen plants a kiss to his lower stomach, and Jared relaxes. This is Jensen. It's all going to be okay.

Slow turns out to be more for a teasing effect than to calm their nerves. Jensen’s still sitting next to Jared, shirtless and with his pants undone now, and the curve of his back is gorgeous as he bends down, tongue flicking out over the head of Jared’s cock experimentally, like he’s not sure what it’s going to feel like. 

For Jared, it feels like he was just touched by a live wire. It’s definitely not the first blow job he’s received, but it’s the first one from Jensen, the first one that has all this shuddery softness behind it, the first one that he thinks might actually burn him alive from the inside out. 

Jensen takes his time to figure things out. His hand is a little awkward as he puts it on Jared’s thigh, then decides it’s better resting on Jared’s hip, but each touch feels perfect. He kisses everywhere but Jared’s cock, making him breathe hard and clench his muscles in an attempt to stay still. And then he finally gets brave enough to just go for it. 

Jared has to watch. He raises his head and looks down to see Jensen’s profile, strong jaw moving and lips...holy shit those lips...forming an ‘o’ as they sink down.

Jared’s moan is almost embarrassingly loud as he falls back to the bed. He squeezes his eyes shut and focuses on how it feels, on how soft and wet and warm Jensen is. And then Jensen sucks, and Jared’s eyes fly open as his toes curl, because it’s exactly the right amount of pressure and it’s so achingly hesitant and sweet and perfect. 

“Fuck,” he gasps.

“That feel good?” Jensen asks, leaning up and looking at Jared with flushed cheeks and a hopeful almost-smile.

“So good,” Jared assures him, reaching down to stroke Jensen’s jaw. He barely gets his hand on him before Jensen’s got his head lowered again, more eager now, one hand gliding up Jared’s thigh to his balls.

Jared can only take so much. He’s going to come way too soon if Jensen keeps swirling his tongue that way, and he doesn’t want this to end a second sooner than it should, so he winds his fingers through Jensen’s hair and gently pulls him away.

“Come here.”

Jensen moves easily, sliding up Jared’s body to kiss him.

They struggle to get Jensen’s pants off without breaking the kiss, but they manage, kicking the blanket off the bed in the process.

And then it’s just skin on skin, the two of them stretched out side by side, hot breath and rough hands, tangled legs and twisting tongues as they finally, finally, give in to the tension between them. 

Jared rolls so that he can hover over Jensen for a minute, get a feel for what it’s like for Jensen to be underneath him, shyly blinking up at him even as he pulls Jared’s head back down for a kiss.

They’re rolling again, and now Jensen’s wedged between Jared’s legs, and oh, God, their dicks are touching, hot and hard and Jared can’t take it. He bucks his hips up to see what kind of friction that creates, groaning at the new sensation.

“Jesus,” Jensen mutters. He sounds like he’s speaking through gritted teeth, hoarse and broken. Good to know Jared isn’t the only one losing control. 

They stare at each other as they start moving, silently working to find a rhythm that’s just theirs, sliding back and forth against each other, grinding and circling until they can’t take it anymore. 

“Jen, I’m gonna..gonna…” Jared doesn’t get the sentence finished before he’s coming, spilling all over both of them.

Jensen follows right after, and the face he makes is absolutely the most gorgeous thing Jared has ever seen or ever will see. He goes silent, tilts his head to the side as those perfect lips fall open, chest flushing the same pink as his cheeks, eyes set only on Jared. 

They shake and tremble through it, then collapse down into the bed, mouths finding each other one more time for a wet, sloppy kiss.

Eventually, not quite knowing if he should say something or not, Jared gets up and heads to the bathroom. Jensen follows and they clean up together, grinning at each other when their eyes meet. 

“You’re staying, right?” Jared doesn’t mean to sound needy, but right now, there’s nothing else he wants but to sleep next to Jensen. 

“If that’s okay.”

As Jensen heads back to the bedroom, Jared gets behind him, so close that he runs into him, drops his head to plant a kiss on Jensen’s shoulder. 

Together, they straighten the sheets and put the blanket back on the bed, then slide underneath, bodies pulling toward each other until their tangled once again, lazier this time. 

“I’m glad you came over tonight,” Jared murmurs.

“Me too.”

“This was…”

Jensen grins, almost laughs. “Yeah. It was.”

“And I’m sorry again for messing up your interview. Honestly? I just saw you there and couldn’t stop myself.”

“It’s okay,” Jensen tells him. “I know the feeling.”

Jared stares at him dreamily, lost in a happy haze, until he falls asleep.  


	7. Chapter 7

Jared grins at Jensen from across the makeup trailer as he enters, keeping his face still so as not to disturb the powdering process. 

“Higher ups still here today?” Jensen asks. 

“Guess not,” Jared tells him. “Haven’t seen them.”

“Good. Now we don’t have to pretend to get along.”

Everyone in the trailer smirks at his joke, and Jared’s heart skips a couple beats at the secret they’re still keeping. It’s been almost two months since the night Jensen showed up at his apartment, and he’s unofficially thinking of that as the day they became official. As far as everyone else in the trailer knows, they’re just best friends, lucky to enjoy each other’s company so much, since they have to spend a lot of their time together. 

No one else knows that once they’ve spent fourteen hours together at work, they spend ten more hours together afterward, making out on Jared’s couch or watching a movie in Jensen’s fancy hotel bed before getting up and doing it all over again.  

“Yeah, it’s hard to act like I enjoy this job in front of them. We never have any fun.” Jared catches Jensen’s eye in the mirror and smiles. 

They only have one scene to film today, and it’s an easy one. When they get on set, they can feel the calm in the air. Everyone is relaxed and happy, ready to go and excited to wrap early.

Jared glances around the set, from Jensen to the camera crew, to the Impala, and stops for a deep breath.

“You okay?” Jensen asks. 

“Better than okay,” Jared replies. He glances around to make sure no one is listening. “You think we can find a few minutes before our flight to LA?”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “No. We have to leave straight from set. Control yourself.”

Jared laughs, then slaps Jensen’s ass jokingly, not caring who sees. It’s not unlike Jared to touch anyone, let alone a good friend, and no one will think anything of it. “Not possible,” he grins, then heads to the Impala to film their scene. 

********

On the plane, once they’re settled in and have some time to kill, Jared pulls out a small gift bag and carefully sets it in Jensen’s lap. “Happy birthday!”

Jensen grins. “You didn’t have to.”

“I know I didn’t. But I wanted to. And don’t get too excited. It’s a few days late.”

Jared watches eagerly as Jensen opens the gift, pulling the tissue paper away. 

“Holy shit,” Jensen breathes. “A viewfinder?”

He twirls the box around in his hand and reads the small print, eyes lighting up as he looks at all the features the lens has to offer.

Jared smiles, chest swelling at how happy Jensen seems with the gift. “You mentioned once that you wanted to direct someday. You’re gonna need one of those.”

Jensen tears his eyes away from the present and looks up at Jared, face gone soft and sweet in a way it almost never does. “Thanks, Jay. This is...this is awesome.”

Jared laughs, almost leans in and kisses him, but manages to restrain himself. “You’re welcome.”

Jensen spends the rest of the short flight looking at the lens, reading the manual that came with it, gushing all kinds of technical terms that Jared doesn’t quite understand. Jared takes the opportunity to watch him, to stare at the way his eyes flash, at the shape of his lips when he smiles this wide. 

It hurts a little to feel so much. Jared wants to hold his hand, to talk about it publicly, to make sure everyone knows exactly what’s going on between them, because it’s too big for him to keep inside his own body. But Jensen still wants to keep things quiet. 

Jared understands. Neither of them are ready to explain to their friends and family that they’re with a man. Neither of them are ready for that kind of pressure once the network and press find out. Neither of them want to jeopardize this thing they’re still figuring out. 

But every now and then, Jared wishes he could just kiss Jensen happy birthday without looking around to see who’s watching first. 

The flight lands, and they have a night to themselves. Paley Fest starts in the morning, but they have a good fifteen hours to do whatever they want in Los Angeles. Starting with checking into the hotel. Fortunately, no one thinks twice about putting them in rooms next to one another. Jared looks at Jensen, who is smiling a little, like he’s already planning how easy it will be to stay together in one room if they don’t have to roam through the hotel to get there. 

Jared barely throws his bags into the suite before heading the few steps down the hall to Jensen’s room. 

“Dinner somewhere?” he asks.

“Sure. Come in for a second, let me change clothes.”

Jensen’s bag is neatly packed, of course, and it takes him no time to pull out a pair of dark jeans and a button down shirt. His blazer is already hanging in the small closet, waiting to be worn. 

For a second, he pauses, like maybe he’s considering taking his clothes into the bathroom to change, but then he just shrugs out of his clothes, down to his underwear. 

Jared watches greedily, and by the time Jensen’s kicking off the second leg of his pants, Jared’s behind him, wrapping his arms around him and splaying his hands across Jensen’s chest. 

“We could stay in,” he murmurs, biting at Jensen’s earlobe. 

Jensen leans back into him for a moment, lets Jared slide his hands all over his stomach before turning around and pulling away. 

“We could. But I want to go out.”

Jared pouts, but Jensen only rolls his eyes. “Come on,” he coaxes, pulling his jeans on. “Let me take you on a date.”

A date. That’s a word they haven’t used. 

And tonight, they could actually do that. It wouldn’t be weird at all for the two of them, in town for a press event, to go out to dinner together. And since they’re in a new town, it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for them to go someplace nice. 

“A date,” Jared repeats, grinning. “Okay. I’m in.”

Jensen takes him to a restaurant close to the hotel that he’s clearly already heard about. Or possibly searched for. It’s nice, fun and warm and interesting, but their booth still feels private enough that Jared’s comfortable stretching his leg out to touch Jensen’s, and Jensen doesn’t pull away. 

“We’re wrapping soon,” Jensen comments as soon as they’ve ordered. “You excited?”

Jared shrugs. “I’ll be excited when I know we have another season.”

“Yeah. But it’s been getting good ratings. I don’t see them canceling us, do you?”

“Probably not,” Jared grins. 

“And either way, it’s been a ride.” Jensen’s voice is a little quieter, a little far away then as he stares at Jared.

“Definitely,” Jared agrees, letting everything they aren’t saying hang between them as they smile at each other. 

When their food comes, the conversation lightens, and they eat off each other’s plates while they joke and laugh, like an honest-to-God actual couple. Jensen never moves his leg, and Jared happily nudges his foot against it over and over as they finish their meal, basking in the freedom of just sitting in a restaurant. 

“We should probably just head back to the hotel,” Jensen tells him as he pays the bill. “Early day tomorrow.”

But there’s a heat in his voice that makes Jared shiver a little. Jensen isn’t talking about sleeping. 

Even walking back to the hotel, which is only a few blocks away, feels different. They can’t hold hands or anything, because they never know when someone might recognize them, but they walk close enough that their fingers brush every now and then, and it’s almost more intense that way, building anticipation inside of Jared so strong that he knows his cheeks are flushed with it. 

The don’t speak much, just enjoying the night and the city and each other’s presence, both lost in their own thoughts of what might happen when they get back their rooms. They’re so caught up in each other, that Jared takes a second to respond when a young girl, sweet and with a huge smile, steps in front of them. 

“Oh my God! You’re the Supernatural guys, aren’t you? _Oh my God!_ ”

She grabs the girl next to her, who looks too stricken to talk, and they both start giggling furiously. It’s adorable and flattering, and a little embarrassing, honestly. Jared isn’t sure he will ever get used to this. 

“Hi,” he says.

“What’s your name?” Jensen asks. 

“Sarah. And this is Lucy.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” he grins, holding out his hand. 

Sarah sighs a little, then digs around in her bag. “Do you mind...can we maybe get a picture with you?” 

Jared smiles. “Sure, come here.”

Sarah hands over a small digital camera, then the four of them group together, the two girls in the middle, Jared’s long arm holding out the camera. They all put their arms around each other in a typical pose, but Jensen slides his hand over Jared’s. It’s such a small thing, and the girls are so flustered that they probably don’t even feel it. 

But Jared does. 

He takes a couple pictures, then pulls away, enjoying how Jensen’s hand lingers. 

“Thanks so much! This is so cool!” Sarah gushes. 

“No, thank you for watching the show,” Jensen smiles, as smooth and charming as ever. “We really appreciate it.”

“Bye!” Sarah calls, and Lucy just giggles again as they go on their way.

“They were cute,” Jensen comments. 

“They were,” Jared agrees. “Still feels weird for random strangers to want to take a picture with me.”

“They just think you’re hot,” Jensen teases, bumping his shoulder. “I’d want a picture with you, too.”

Jared snorts. “Whatever. I’m not the pretty one.”

Jensen shuts up then, and they try not to grin at each other the rest of the way back to their rooms.

The tension starts all over again in the lobby elevator. The doors close to take them to their floor, and it’s like it lights a fire. They lean into one another, neither saying a word as they count the seconds until they can get to a room with a lock on the door. 

Jared follows Jensen to his room, putting his hands on his hips and nosing at the back of his neck when he takes too long to get the key card out of his wallet.

“Come on,” he whines, and Jensen chuckles a little.

“Impatient.”

“Definitely.”

The door finally swings open, and they almost fall into the room in their hurry to kiss. They’re alone, truly alone, with no responsibility and no reality to get in their way, and Jared’s drunk on it, sucking at Jensen’s lips a little too hard, sliding his hands inside of Jensen’s jacket shoulders to push it to the floor. 

Jensen lets him, kisses him back just as hard, groans when Jared drops to his knees right there in the entryway and unbuckles Jensen’s belt. 

It’s the first time they’ve done anything more than kiss since _that_ night. There’s no real reason why, except that maybe they’re still nervous. Jared’s never touched a man before, and the thought intimidated him. But now, as he slides Jensen’s blue jeans down over his thick thighs, as he stares up at those green eyes, he can’t remember why. Right now, there’s absolutely nothing he wants more than to taste him, feel the weight of Jensen on his tongue. 

Slowly, he leans forward, kisses Jensen’s lower stomach, then looks back up with raised eyebrows, asking permission.

Jensen nods, reaches out to push Jared’s hair out of his face before running his fingers down Jared’s jaw. Jared turns his head and kisses Jensen’s palm, then leans down, hands grabbing at Jensen’s hips with all the want he’s been holding back. 

Carefully, he leans forward and kisses just the head of Jensen’s cock, hard and twitching at the light touch. A couple drops of precome bead up, and he licks at them greedily, marveling at how it tastes like Jensen somehow, like an already familiar flavor that Jared recognizes. 

He sucks a little, experimentally, paying attention to Jensen’s reactions, to the sounds he makes. 

“Jesus,” Jensen groans. “You keep teasing like that and it’s gonna kill me.”

Jared takes that as his cue to suck harder, to sink down as far as he can until Jensen’s cock is nudging the back of his throat, and _oh God Jensen’s cock is in his mouth hitting the back of his throat_.

He pulls away for a second to catch his breath, and Jensen pulls him up. “Come on.”

Jared sits on the edge of the bed, watching as Jensen digs through his bag for a second, then tosses a couple of things on the bed. 

A condom. And a bottle of lube.

Jared’s heart starts slamming in his chest, and he can feel the heat in his face, giving away his nerves. “That’s...you brought...for us?”

Jensen clears his throat and sits down, looking just as nervous as Jared feels as he barely meets his eyes. “Yeah. I mean. If you want. I thought...we’re alone in a fancy hotel…”

Jared swallows hard. God, he wants this. He’s wanted this for what seems like years. He isn’t sure how to do this, isn’t sure what will happen next, how it will change things. But he is sure of everything about Jensen. He’s sure of that laugh that shakes Jensen’s whole body, he’s sure of the way Jensen protectively hovers and doesn’t even realize he’s doing it, he’s sure of every touch and hug, and he’s sure of every word spoken between them, all the ones that have built this bond that’s so big, so overwhelming, that it’s rendered Jared speechless.

And speechless is not something he should be when Jensen’s waiting for reassurance. 

Slowly, Jared nods, turns and crawls across the bed and almost into Jensen’s lap to kiss him, to push them both down to the bed with the force of it. 

“I want to,” Jared mumbles against Jensen’s lips. “I want to. With you.”

Jensen makes a soft sound, almost a whimper, and winds his fingers through Jared’s hair to pull him closer, to smash their noses together as they kiss, to keep Jared’s mouth sealed to his even as they run out of air and start panting. 

When Jared finally breaks away, he looks down at Jensen’s swollen lips and rosy cheeks, and smiles.

He’s in love with him. 

Jared’s probably known it for a while, but this is the first time he’s truly let himself think it, because it’s the first time, despite everything that’s happened between them, that he thinks this might really be happening. 

“What?” Jensen asks, lips turning up in a slight smile, a mirror of Jared’s.

“Nothing. Just. I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s not going to, is it?”

Jensen shakes his head no. "Does that freak you out?"

“I think I'm okay with it,” Jared laughs.

Everything feels so easy after that. The kiss turns back into one Jared recognizes, Jensen’s full lips moving strong and steady against his, turning them to their sides and tangling their legs together. They push and pull at each other, kissing down necks and taking off clothing until their bodies are pressed against each other, hot and hard, fingers exploring lines of muscle and curves of hips.

It’s easy until Jensen slides down between Jared’s legs and sucks at his cock, an urgency in his touch now that matches the pressure rising in Jared’s system. Then the easiness turns into desperation, into a shaking need that makes sweat break over Jared’s skin. 

And then Jensen’s moving lower, confident now, tongue flickering over Jared’s hole.

“Fuck,” Jared cries, back arching off the bed on its own, like his body is no longer under his control.

Jensen licks again, wetter and harder this time, and Jared swears he can feel the smile on Jensen’s lips when he bucks again, unable to stop. It feels too good, he’s too sensitive, and there’s nothing for him to do but writhe and thrash through it.

“Have you ever touched yourself before?” Jensen asks. “Here, I mean?”

Jared takes a second to calm himself, then leans up. Jensen’s licking up and down his thighs, and the sight of his tongue is almost as good as the sensation its causing. 

“Once,” Jared admits.

“When?”

He shrugs. “A few weeks ago? I had a dream about you.”

“Yeah? What was I doing?”

“Pretty much this,” Jared smirks. “And when I woke up, I...uh…”

Jensen licks a line up Jared’s cock, then leans up to grab the lube. Jared watches as he drizzles some over his fingers. “Tell me. You woke up. And?”

“And I couldn’t get back to sleep. So I thought about the dream, and you, and what this would...oh, God.”

Jensen circles one slick finger around Jared’s hole, then slides it inside slowly, taking his time, letting Jared adjust to the feel of it. “What this would what?” he insists.

Jared blinks up at the ceiling and tries to concentrate. “What this would feel like. So I, uh, I fingered...myself…” His words come out halted and slow when Jensen curls his finger a little, then pulls it out just to thrust it back in. “Fuck. I fingered myself. But I didn’t get very far.”

“Did it feel like this?”

“No. This is…” 

Jared stops trying to talk then. Jensen slides a second finger alongside the first, running his free hand over Jared’s stomach. “Better?”

Jared moans his answer, pushes his hips down to take Jensen’s fingers in deeper. Jensen stretches him open, slowly thrusting, slowly scissoring his fingers open each time, slowly adding a third, never moving fast enough to make Jared even a little uncomfortable. 

Part of Jared wishes he would. 

As he explores, finds the exact pace and rhythm Jared wants, he slides up to kiss him, soft and sweet kisses peppered all over his face and neck, so light and different from the feel of his fingers. It’s too much, and Jared’s grabbing at him without meaning to, digging his fingers into Jensen’s shoulders as he groans.

“Please,” he finally manages, and Jensen nods, gently pulls his fingers away and sits up. 

Jared takes the condom and bottle of lube, breathes a little faster as Jensen lets him roll the condom on and coat his cock, Jared’s shaky hand sliding up and down until Jensen is wet and ready. Jensen closes his eyes and sighs at the feel of it, and Jared grins a little at how he looks unsteady, too. 

Without a word, they lie back down, Jared on his back, Jensen wedging between Jared’s legs, pushing his thighs farther apart with a wiggle of his hips. 

For just a moment, Jensen hovers over him, hands on either side of Jared’s head, looking down with a look of nervous wonder on his face, so sweet and gentle that Jared has to close his eyes for a second before it makes him embarrassingly emotional. He slides one hand up to rest over one of Jensen’s, then opens his eyes as the other one reaches down to guide Jensen in, to press the head of his cock against Jared’s hole.

“It’s okay,” he assures him, leaning up to kiss Jensen’s swollen lips. “Please.”

Jensen’s jaw clenches as he pushes, sliding in just barely, eyes fluttering shut. “Oh, God,” he mumbles, voice strained. 

Jared tries to relax, tries to open up and let him in, but it feels too strange, too full, too good not to clench himself around Jensen, to feel a part of Jensen literally inside of him. 

“Jesus, don’t...I can’t…” Jensen groans.

“It’s okay,” Jared tells him again. This time, when Jensen moves, Jared’s hands find his ass, grab into that thick flesh and push, urging him to keep going. 

They’re both so loud, moaning into each other’s mouths as Jensen finally buries himself, balls resting against Jared now that he’s as deep as he can go. 

Neither of them move for a moment. Jensen tries to catch his breath, mouthing at Jared’s neck. Jared runs his hands over Jensen’s back, soothing both of them with the rhythmic motion, taking the time to memorize the feeling of Jensen inside him for the first time. 

“Jen.” It’s not a question. 

“I know,” Jensen answers anyway. 

They kiss for a long time, until the weirdness and discomfort of this new situation wears off and all Jared feels is full and desperate and burning hot. 

Carefully, he shifts his hips, and the jolt of pleasure that pulses through him is almost too much.

“Fuck, Jensen. Move.”

That’s all it takes for Jensen to lose his careful control. He pulls out and thrusts back in, then again, and again, picking up speed each time. He leans down and bites into Jared’s shoulder, teeth scraping against collarbone to muffle his cries. Jared doesn’t muffle his own sounds, doesn’t care how loud he gets, isn’t really even aware of it.   
All he’s aware of is Jensen. The smell of his sweat, the sound of that growl he makes, the way he slides his whole body against Jared’s, the way he feels pushing inside over and over...Jared can’t believe they waited this fucking long. 

And then Jensen’s leaning up, looking straight into his eyes, one hand sliding down to stroke Jared. 

They don’t look away from each other as they come. It makes them both shake violently, mouths open and sweat dripping, and they just stare at each other through it. Jared’s so totally mesmerized by the look on Jensen’s face that he doesn’t come until Jensen’s finished pulsing inside of him, until he’s panting and stroking Jared’s cock in earnest, not wanting to finish alone. 

And he comes crying Jensen’s name.

Afterward, Jensen gets up to throw the condom away and comes back with a clean towel for Jared. 

When he slides into bed and they stretch out, one look is all it takes to make them start laughing. 

“Well. That was new,” Jensen grins. 

“That was fan-fucking-tastic,” Jared grins back.

“Yeah, it was.” 

Jensen grabs the clock on the table and sets the alarm, then turns to his side to pull Jared into his arms. They fall asleep kissing. 

********  
It’s so _easy_.

The morning is all shy smiles and sweet touches as they get up and get ready for their panel, both of them comfortably quiet and still basking in last night. Jensen kisses him goodbye when he heads to his own room, and Jared’s still high from all of it when they arrive at the festival. 

But the second he hears the crowd, the second cameras are flashing, it’s so fucking easy to fall back into being best friends, into being coworkers who have a job to do. A pretty amazing one. 

The panel is fun, lots of banter and good discussion about the show. Jared loves to talk about it, loves to talk about Sam and Dean, is fascinated with the dynamic that the writers are creating for them to play with. 

It’s his dream job and dream role, and he knows Jensen feels the same way. 

And it shows in everything they do. 

It all passes in a happy blur, and before Jared knows it, they’re back on a plane, headed to Vancouver.

Jared’s staring out the window at the lights below them, and he thinks Jensen has drifted off to sleep beside him until he speaks.

“You ready to film these last few episodes?”

“I’m ready,” Jared grins. They’ve got scripts waiting for them when they get home, and he’s anxious to dive into them.

Jensen peers around to make sure no one’s watching, but it’s a late flight and almost everyone is asleep. He winds his fingers through Jared’s for just a moment and squeezes hard. 

“Whether we get a second season or not, I’m really glad I got to be on this show.”

Jared hears the meaning behind his words and squeezes back.

“Me, too.”

Again, he looks around, then licks his lips like he’s nervous before leaning in, brushing his lips against Jared’s ear as he whispers. “And whether we get a second season or not, I’m not going anywhere.”

Jared’s chest tightens and he can barely breathe.

“Neither am I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry in advance for the next few chapters. It's not a story without the angst! XOXO


	8. Chapter 8

“I’m gonna be sad when this is all over. I’ve had fun here.” 

Jared turns at the sound of the voice and smiles at Nicki. Nicki Aycox has only been in a few episodes, but she’s sweet and funny, has started to feel like part of the gang. “It’s been fun having you here,” he agrees. “You done for the day?”

“Yep. I’ll see you guys next week for the finale. And I’ll bring you that book we were talking about.”

“Awesome,” he smiles.

“Jensen around? I didn’t get to say goodbye after that last take.”

“He’s in his trailer,” Jared answers, almost apologetically. “Getting ready for our next scene. It’s kind of intense.”

“I won’t bother him then.”

Jared smiles and watches as the crew scurries around the set, getting everything ready. 

“Can I ask you something?” she says.

“Sure.” He turns and gives her his full attention, a little surprised at the nervous on her face.

“It’s actually not a question. It’s more of a...I don’t know. I just wanted to tell you, that I, uh.”

Jared grins reassuringly, wondering what the hell she’s trying to say. “Just spit it out,” he encourages.

“I think the two of you are really good together.”

Jared’s blood freezes in his veins, but he tries his best to keep his face steady, to seem like he has no idea what she’s talking about. “What?”

“I won’t say a word,” she tells him. “But I just thought you should know.”

She looks like she wants to say more, but changes her mind and just gives him a small wave instead before turning and heading off of the set. 

He watches her leave, still stunned. Were they that obvious? Can everyone else see it as easily as she did? He looks around, but no one is paying him any attention, and he breathes a little easier. 

Surely someone else, one of the people they’re close to and work with every day, would have asked. Or made a joke. Or something. 

Nicki must just be some kind of psychic or something. 

Jared decides to pretend that she never said anything and go about his business as usual. He isn’t ready to deal with other people knowing their secret. Honestly, he’s also feeling a little guilty. He knows she has a crush on him. But after a few attempts at flirting, attempts which Jared just ignored with polite friendliness as best he could, she backed off. Now he just hopes he didn’t hurt her feelings. 

It isn’t that he doesn’t like her. She’s pretty and interesting, and they have a good time talking on set. 

But Jared’s taken. 

Completely, totally taken. 

So taken that he can feel it when Jensen silently steps up behind him. 

“You ready?” Jared asks, not turning around.

“Yes,” Jensen says quietly. 

They don’t speak again until the cameras are rolling. 

********

Jared’s still a little shaky. It’s been almost an hour since they wrapped, but he just can’t shake this one off. Shoving Jensen against that wall, yelling like that, crying like that...watching Jensen react so damn perfectly...it’s a little much.

“Come in,” he calls at the knock on his trailer door, fully expecting it to be Jensen.

Jeff enters instead. “Hey, son,” he grins, plopping down on the tiny couch.

Jared snorts a laugh. “You know I’m not your actual son, right? I only play one on tv.”

Jeff laughs, sweet and loud, echoing off the walls of the trailer. “I know. Doesn’t mean I can’t still love you like one.”

Jared looks down shyly, always thrown by how openly affectionate it he is.

“You talked to Jensen?”

“Not yet. He’s still in his trailer, I guess.”

Jeff nods. “That scene was…” He can’t decide on the right word, so he just whistles his appreciation instead. 

“Yeah?”

“Fuckin’ good.”

Jared smiles, feeling himself start to relax a little. “Good.”

“You okay?”

“Sure. Just. You know. Takes a while to calm down.”

Jeff peers at him, much the same way Nicki did. “Sure. Well,” he stands and stretches. “It’s long past time for me to get the hell out of here. I’ll see you soon, kid.” He leans down and kisses Jared on the forehead, then ruffles his hair before he leaves. 

Jared takes a deep breath and gets his things, ready for a good night’s sleep to get rid of the emotions that filming has brought up. 

********

It’s late. 

1:36 in the morning, to be exact. 

“What the hell,” Jared huffs, more angry than shocked or confused. He throws the covers off and pushes himself toward the door.

His irritation instantly vanishes when he looks through the peephole and sees Jensen on the other side.

“You okay?” he says as he pulls it open.

Jensen grins a little. “Yeah.”

He steps inside and wraps his arms around Jared, burying his face in his neck. “Just wanted to see you.”

And there it is. 

All the tension, all that pent up adrenaline, all that weird emotion he couldn’t quite place and couldn’t quite get rid of. Gone. Gone with one hug. He really shouldn’t have left the set with just a few texts. He should have waited around to see Jensen. 

Of course, they couldn’t have done _this_ at work.

Jared slides his hands up Jensen’s back, holding on tight. They stand there for who knows how long, until Jensen pulls away in order to take a full breath. 

“Today was. You know. I just wanted to check on you.”

Jared’s chest tightens. “I’m good now. Are you?”

Jensen nods. “I think so.”

“Come on.” 

Jared pulls Jensen down the hallway of the apartment and into his bedroom. He sits on the edge of the bed and pulls Jensen to stand between his legs, hands reaching to pull Jensen’s face down.

He feels it again when they kiss, that feeling of release and relief, of everything falling back into place, of the goddamn planets aligning just because of the feel of Jensen’s lips. 

“I’m getting you a key,” Jared murmurs, falling back to the bed and pulling Jensen with him. “So that I don’t have to get out of bed next time.”

Jensen chuckles, the vibration of it tickling its way through Jared. “Deal.”

The weight of Jensen grounds Jared, settles over him like a comforting blanket, keeping him where he belongs, sheltering him from anything and everything. He wants to do the same thing for Jensen. Want to be the same thing. He never wants to see Jensen looking like he did tonight when that door first opened, small and scared and needy. 

So he rolls them over and wedges his hips between Jensen’s legs, sucks at Jensen’s bottom lip until he groans. 

“You were so good today,” he whispers. “That scene. It was perfect.”

Jensen closes his eyes like the words hurt, and Jared kisses down his jaw, keeps mouthing at his neck until he finds Jensen’s pulse. “Seriously, Jen. This show. I wouldn’t do it with anyone else. You know that, right?”

Jensen nods, but stays silent, so Jared sucks at his earlobe.

“And I know this... _this_ is hard. But we’re good. Really good.”

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees, threading a hand through Jared’s hair. “We are.”

They fall asleep tangled up in one another, Jensen still fully clothed, mouths open against each other as they breathe, fingers laced together. 

********

The first season is officially finished filming, and it ended on a high note.

The show’s ratings are good, and getting better.

And Jared is in London with Jensen. 

Sure, it’s for press, and they don’t have a lot of time to themselves. But it’s still the two of them, in a foreign country, exploring and enjoying each other’s company. 

And tonight, as far as Jared’s concerned, there’s no one else on the planet but Jensen Ackles.

There’s a whole city out there. There are landmarks to see and pubs to visit, there are museums and tours waiting for them. There are restaurants and theaters and a whole fucking city full of things they should be doing, culture they should be soaking up. 

Instead, they are lying in bed in a hotel room. 

“If you weren’t an actor, what would you want to do?” 

Jensen ponders that for a moment. “A fisherman.”

“A fisherman?” Jared laughs. “And you’d pay your bills by…”

“Wouldn’t have any. I’d build my own little cabin near a lake and live off the land.”

Jared laughs harder. “So manly.”

Jensen nods seriously. “You better believe it.”

“Is there room for one more in that cabin?”

Jensen shrugs. “Only if it’s you.”

Neither of them say anything for a while, just basking in the quiet moment of relaxation.

“What about you?” Jensen finally asks. 

“Rockstar,” Jared replies instantly.

It’s Jensen’s turn to laugh. “Naturally.”

“What? I could do it.”

“Not with the way you play guitar.”

Jared laughs with him. “I guess you’ll just have to teach me.”

“That I can do. If you want.”

Another few lazy minutes of silence. 

“You hungry?” Jared murmurs.

“Not really. Not yet. Are you?”

“Nah, we can wait and order room service later.”

“So what now?” Jensen’s voice is low and warm, and Jared rolls into his side to kiss the corner of his mouth.

“I can think of a few things.”

“Oh, yeah?” Jensen’s hand finds Jared’s twines their fingers together and squeezes. “Like what?”

“Well, once upon a time, you told me you wanted me in a shower. We have a shower all to ourselves.”

“We do.” Jensen makes no move to get up.

“So, if I went into the bathroom and turned the water on, what would you do?”

Jensen rolls Jared so that he’s facing away from him, back pressed to Jensen’s chest. Jensen glides his hand up underneath Jared’s shirt and kisses his way across the back of Jared’s neck. “I’d follow you in there and watch you get undressed, to start with.”

“And then?” Jared presses back, nudging his ass against Jensen.

“And then we’d get under the water. I bet you look fuckin’ hot all wet.”

“You’ve seen me wet before,” Jared reminds him, pushing Jensen’s hand down until it’s palming his cock through his blue jeans.

“Not naked. Not pushed up against a shower wall.”

Jared just groans at that, at how ridiculously perfect it sounds coming out of Jensen’s mouth. They rock on the bed for a few minutes, Jensen sucking at the back of Jared’s neck, Jared grinding himself against Jensen now that he can feel that he’s hard, too. 

And then Jensen leans up. “Come on.”

The shower in the hotel suite is huge, gorgeous, all marble and stone. Jared turns the water on and lets it run while they undress each other, soft kisses to bare skin as it’s exposed, fingers grazing over muscles and squeezing at flesh. 

Jared grins as Jensen gets impatient, kicks off his underwear and pushes Jared toward the shower. The spray is hot, steam billowing around them as they step in and pull the curtain, closing themselves in together. 

Jared waits, but Jensen doesn’t touch him. He just steps back and watches when Jared gets his hair wet, lets the water stream over him and relax his muscles. 

“See?” Jensen finally says. “Totally hot.”

Jared can feel himself blush and is grateful that he’s probably already red with the steam. “You aren’t so bad yourself.”

Jensen smiles softly, steps forward to cup Jared’s face and kiss him, laughs when their mouths fill with water. “Guess we have some logistics to figure out.”

Jared only shifts his hips so that their cocks drag together, pulling a gasp out of Jensen. “I thought you wanted me turned the other way, anyway.” 

Jensen raises an eyebrow and nods, challenging him. 

Swallowing hard, Jared turns around and puts his hands on the shower wall, managing to stick his ass out just a tiny bit. His face is probably flaming red now, but it’s nothing compared to how much he wants Jensen. Besides, Jensen certainly seems to want him. Nothing to be embarrassed about. 

He presses against Jared’s back, hands running from his shoulders down his spine, then over his ass, squeezing hard. 

A low moan escapes Jared, echoes off the shower wall loudly.

“That feel good?” Jensen asks.

Jared answers by pressing his ass back into Jensen’s hands again, urging him to squeeze again, moaning louder when he does. “Jen…”

Jensen wraps his arms around Jared and runs his hand down until it’s wrapped around Jared’s cock, stroking slowly, thumb rubbing over the head. “What about this?”

“God, yes.” Jared’s fingers curl into the shower wall, and he presses his forehead between them, takes deep and shuddering breaths as Jensen works his hand up and down, over and over. 

Jared finally pulls his arms away from the wall and reaches behind himself, grabbing Jensen’s hips and pulling him forward. The water rushes over them, hot and slick over their skin as it slides together, as the head of Jensen’s cock catches between the cheeks of his ass. 

“Not yet,” Jensen whispers. “Want you in bed for that.”

Jared turns around, wraps his arms around Jensen’s neck and kisses him messily. “Then what other plans did you have for the shower? Just looking at me couldn’t have been the only thing.”

Jensen smirks and shakes his head. “Come here.” He drags Jared under the spray, then grabs a bottle of the hotel’s complimentary body wash. 

Jared stands there while Jensen rubs his hands together until the cream turns into suds, then starts to tremble when Jensen washes him from his shoulders down to his feet, slick and slippery hands massaging him everywhere, touching him so gently it makes it seem like more, so intense and passionate that Jared’s knees almost buckle.

When he’s done, it’s Jared’s turn to wash Jensen. He loves this part more, groans at the feel of Jensen’s skin under his hands, loves mapping out the curves of Jensen’s muscles, thick and corded and tense. 

“When you envisioned me in the shower, did you picture me on my knees?” he asks, and Jensen’s lips part with his rush of breath. 

Jared drops down to his knees and puts his hands behind his back, leans his face back and looks up at Jensen, not hiding anything in his expression. 

“Holy shit,” Jensen huffs. “What are you…”

Jared just opens his mouth in invitation. 

“Gonna fuckin’ kill me,” Jensen mutters, but he’s already stepping forward, rubbing his cock against Jared’s cheek, over his lips. 

He eases his cock into Jared’s mouth, moving slowly at first, until Jared seals his lips and sucks a little. That’s all it takes for Jensen to start thrusting, to fuck into Jared’s mouth, one hand holding his head, the other on the base of his cock, keeping his strokes shallow and gentle. 

“God, Jay, you gotta, we have to…” He grits his teeth and pulls away. “Come on. The bed. Now.”

Jared smirks as he gets up, follows Jensen back into the bedroom, both of them dripping wet and not caring at all. Jensen grabs the condoms and lube from his bag while Jared flops down on his hands and knees. 

He’s already pretty open from the night before, so Jensen only spends a few minutes fingering him, a few minutes in which Jared buries his face in the pillow and moans his way through it, twitching and writhing when Jensen finds his prostate. 

And then there’s the ripping open of a condom packet, and Jensen is grabbing his hips, pulling him back a little running one hand down his back just to make it bow. 

Jared grunts at the first push, at the now familiar feeling of Jensen sliding inside of him like that’s where he belongs. They’ve done this a lot now. Sometimes it’s long and slow and passionate, sometimes it’s lazy, sometimes it’s soft and sweet. Tonight, it’s hard and fast, and that’s exactly how Jared wants it. 

Jensen moves slowly for the first few thrusts, making sure that Jared’s good and ready for him. And then his rhythm speeds up until it’s too much, until Jared can’t catch his breath between the smacking sounds of Jensen burying himself as deep as he can. He pounds into him, crying out almost as loud as Jared, fingers digging into Jared’s sides like he’s afraid to let go. 

And God, it’s so good. Just as good as every other time they’ve done this. Jared gets his arms under him and starts to push back, meeting every movement with a thrust of his own, clenching around Jensen when he can. 

They find just the right pace, just what feels the absolute best, and then stay there, at that exact rhythm and that exact angle, until they’re both so loud that everyone in the hotel is probably listening. 

They don’t care. One of Jensen’s hands curls around to give Jared’s cock some attention, jacking him just as hard and fast as he’s fucking him. 

“Jen, I’m gonna...you’re gonna make me come.”

He’s pulsing over Jensen’s fingers before he can finish the sentence, and Jensen immediately goes still deep inside him, lost in his own orgasm, like he was holding it back, waiting for Jared. They shake through it together, squirm against each other, legs rubbing as they try to get as close as possible, wanting to share their pleasure. 

Afterward, Jensen throws the condom away and grabs a glass of water that they share in bed. 

“You hungry now?” Jared asks.

Jensen laughs. “Yeah. I could eat.”

They order room service and decide that it seems like a good night for watching a movie. A tour of London can wait until tomorrow. 

Jared’s hotel room doesn’t get used the entire trip. 

********

They’re laughing about the interview all the way back to the hotel, Jared unable to stop his side-splitting giggles, Jensen looking like he’s half-cringing. 

True, Jared hadn’t meant to talk about masturbation. And he was certain Jensen hadn’t meant to talk about walking around naked. But it had happened, and it was hilarious. And the reporter had seemed totally taken with them, like it was just part of their package- funny and mischievous antics that were mostly harmless. 

In fact, they forget about it pretty quickly as they change clothes and head out for their tour of the city, finally. 

The whole day is spent sight-seeing, taking cheesy tourist pictures and buying silly souvenirs they don’t need. Jared has to stop himself a few times from reaching for Jensen’s hand, but not even that can stop them from having an amazing time. 

It’s past two in the morning when they stumble back to Jensen’s room, half-drunk and ready to fall into bed. 

Jared strips down naked and dives under the covers in less than two minutes, rolling his eyes at how Jensen takes his time, needs to brush his teeth and whatever else is in his nightly routine before he can sleep, even on a night like tonight. 

“Come to bed,” he groans. “I’m cold.”

“Gimme a minute. I wanna check my messages.” 

Jensen puts his cell phone on speaker and sets it on the nightstand while he unbuttons his shirt. There’s a message from his sister reminding him of her upcoming birthday that makes Jared smile. 

And then there’s a voice that they both recognize. A voice that wouldn’t be calling, especially while they’re in London, unless it was really important. 

“Hey Jensen, Eric Kripke here. We just got a call from a reporter wanting to fact check an interview. She sent us some of the transcripts, and uh. They’re pretty interesting. I think we should talk when you guys get back to town. Nothing to worry about. Let’s just schedule a meeting.”

Neither of them move for a minute, even as the voicemail hangs up on itself with no more messages to play. 

Jared finally sits up and looks at Jensen, whose green eyes are wide and nervous. 

“Shit.”


	9. Chapter 9

“So, you know. Just tone it down, yeah?” Kripke hasn’t even shown up for the meeting. He’s just called from his car and has been talking at them over a speakerphone in a tiny office on set. Everyone else in the room is pretending not to listen, pretending to do whatever it is that they do in here. 

Jared frowns, a little irritated. “Tone what down?”

“You know. The two of you. Your shtick.”

Jensen says nothing, so Jared speaks again. “I don’t think I understand…”

“That interview was hilarious, and don’t get me wrong. The success of this show is because of your chemistry. But we’ve noticed some...rumors. Online. There’s a fan base building, and some of them think the two of you are an item. That interview won’t help.”

Jared blushes, thankful that Jensen is the only one looking at him. “So what? They’re just rumors, right?” He hopes the nerves in his voice aren’t obvious. 

“We just can’t have that kind of press. I’m not saying anything’s going on between you, but I gotta say, some of this stuff will make people wonder. And is that really the image we want for the show? Especially since you two are supposed to be brothers? Just be careful, guys. We need the two of you to be the Winchesters in real life too. If we want to keep our demographic happy.”

“Got it,” Jensen says, dutiful but a little nonchalant, like this whole thing is ridiculous. Jared raises his eyebrows, but Jensen only shakes his head.

“Good. Can’t wait to see how that finale turned out.”

And without another word, he hangs up.

“So. Are we in trouble or not?” Jared asks, trying to lighten the mood.

“We aren’t in trouble.” The lightness in Jensen’s voice is gone, and he seems preoccupied now. 

That sends a spike of fear through Jared. 

“You wanna go somewhere and talk?” he whispers, quiet enough that no one else can hear him. 

Jensen shakes his head no. “Later.”

Jared nods, and they go about their day at the office, a little quieter and more subdued than usual. 

Jared tries his best not to panic. But every time Jensen doesn’t meet his eye, every time they have nothing to say in between finishing the final paperwork of the season, the knot in his stomach gets bigger. By the end of the day, he’s anxious to get out of there, practically runs off set and to the car waiting to take him back to his apartment, just because he can’t handle the tension. 

What just happened? He knows he needs to talk to Jensen, and he will. But first, he wants to be prepared. And he wants to try and figure out how much damage has actually been done. 

He drives himself crazy for two hours, and comes up empty.

For him, it’s easy. He’ll just be a little more aware of the things he says and does, flirt a little less, be a little more professional and careful when people are around. That will keep the ‘image’ that is apparently expected of him. It changes absolutely nothing else. 

But he can’t figure out why Jensen seemed so off. There’s no figuring out what’s going on in Jensen’s mind if he doesn’t want anyone to know, and Jared’s still torturing himself with all the things that could happen when Jensen finally calls him. 

“Hey. I’m leaving set. Can I stop by for a little bit?”

Jared doesn’t like the way he says “for a little bit”, like he’s putting a definite limit on the amount of time they’re going to spend together tonight. 

“Sure,” he says. “Of course.”

And then he waits, pacing around his apartment, trying to watch tv, finding a million little things to do to keep his hands busy until he hears Jensen’s key in the door. 

That sound, of Jensen letting himself into Jared’s apartment, hurts a little, because Jared isn’t sure if he should be savoring it or not. 

“Hey,” Jensen says, grabbing a bottle of water out of the refrigerator in the tiny kitchen, then sitting at the counter. 

Jared sits down across from him. “Hey.”

“I saw that they finally fixed that pothole in your parking lot.”

“Don’t,” Jared says gently. “Can we just get to it? I don’t want to drag this out.”

Jensen nods, swallows hard, and the look on his face solidifies the knot in Jared’s stomach into ice. “That was just. That was just my biggest fear about us, and it happened. You know?”

Jared shakes his head. “No, I don’t know. That was nothing.”

“Dude, that was basically our boss threatening our jobs.”

Jared shrugs. “Then we’ll be more careful.”

Jensen blinks at him. “I don’t think I can do that.”

“What?” Jared folds his hands in his lap so Jensen won’t see them shaking. 

“He’s right. It would be really bad for the show if we were...if people thought…”

Jared hangs his head and forces his eyes not to tear up. 

Jensen gets up and comes around to the other side of the counter, stops when he’s just an arm’s length away. “We just. We just can’t do this. It’s too complicated.”

But they _can_ do this. They have been. And it hasn’t been complicated at all. This is the only thing Jared wants. He doesn’t give a fuck about the show right now, or about what fans of the show will think. The only thing in existence is Jensen. 

But Jared doesn’t say anything, because he isn’t sure that Jensen feels the same way. Maybe Jensen’s been on the fence this whole time, just got caught up in it, and this was a wake up call. 

Maybe Jensen just wants out.

“Okay.”

Jensen doesn’t move away. “I’m sorry. About all of this.”

Jared looks up and manages a small smile. “Are you? I’m not.”

Jensen finally breaks, face falling as the emotion he’s feeling finally shows. “That’s not what I meant. This was...you are...I wish things were different.”

Jared stands up and grabs Jensen then, desperately hugging him as tightly as he can. “Then don’t do this. Things are fine just the way they are."

Jensen hugs him back for just a second before pushing him away. “No,” he insists. “It’s just too much right now. I don’t want to sneak around, and I don’t want the pressure of it. And neither do you. It isn’t fair. To either of us. And I know that neither one of us want to mess with the show.”

Jensen’s not right, but he isn’t wrong. And Jared can’t argue with him. 

Instead, he just sits back down and looks away.

“Jay,” Jensen murmurs, moving close like he’s going to say something. Instead, he just rests his forehead between Jared’s shoulder blades for just a split second, then leaves. Just walks out and shuts the door behind him, as quick and easy as that. 

Jared looks down and realizes that he left the key to Jared’s apartment on the counter. 

********

They don’t talk for almost a month. Jared heads back to Texas, where he plans on spending his time off with his family. Maybe that’s just what he needs. To get away, to spend some time floating on a lake, hiking, clearing his head. Maybe he’ll get far enough away from the situation that it won’t seem so damn big.

And that works for about two days. He sees his family, keeps busy hanging out with his brother and cooking dinner with his mother, and puts Jensen out of his mind. And those few times when he does think about those green eyes and full lips, he just gets angry. 

Jensen had thrown it all away that easily. Jared had let himself fall, and Jensen just let him hit the ground. 

But anger only gets him so far. 

He finds himself in a tiny music shop looking at guitars.

“Can I help you?” The woman is older, thin and pretty, with wild hair curling around her face. 

“I, uh. No. I don’t really play.”

“Everyone plays,” she smiles. “You just need to learn.”

Jared looks at her for a moment, with her long, flowy skirt, and smiles back. “I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“Well, what are you looking for? Playing in a band? Classical guitar? Just playing for yourself?”

“Um, just playing for myself, I guess.”

For a moment, he sees Jensen, sitting on the couch in his hotel suite, picking idly at the strings while Jared reads a book in the chair next to him. Jared had loved looking over at Jensen’s hands, watching the way he would stare out into the room, seeing nothing, just feeling the instrument he played. 

“Well,” the woman says carefully, peering at Jared with narrowed eyes and bringing him out of his memories, “this one would be a great starter. Good tone, but nothing fancy. Don’t want to spend real money until you know you’re gonna stick with it.”

“Works for me.” Jared isn’t sure he’ll ever touch it. But it feels like Jensen, and he wants it. 

The woman doesn’t say much as she rings him up, selling him a couple smaller things she thinks he’ll need. Jared just hands over his card. 

“Thanks,” he tells her. 

“Thank you. And honey?”

Jared stops and gives her his attention. “Ma’am?”

“Whatever it is. _Whoever_ it is. It’s gonna be alright.”

Jared instantly tears up, sniffs like a baby in front of this woman he doesn’t know. He nods, manages another “Thank you”, and makes it to his car before he breaks down.

He allows himself three loud sobs in the front seat of his car, alone in the alley where he’s parked, before he tells himself to get his shit together. This is ridiculous. 

Things are easier after that, all things considered. There are no memories of Jensen here, no reminders of what he’s lost, and it finally does start to seem like a bad dream. Jared laughs again, enjoys his family, goes out and gets drunk with his high school buddies. 

But when he’s alone at night, every night, he gets out the guitar and the book of chords the woman gave him. He starts teaching himself, plays until his fingers hurt, then go numb. And the whole time, he feels like he’s with Jensen. 

And he lives for those painful moments, because the truth is, he isn’t ready to forget.

********

He gets the call early in the morning. 

“Good news and bad news. Good new is the show’s been picked up for season two. Bad news is you need to be back here in three days to do press.”

Jared laughs and cheers, startling the dog sleeping on the floor of his childhood bedroom. They got a fucking second season!

Without thinking, he’s dialing Jensen’s number, jumping a little in place, too much excitement inside to be still.

“Hey,” Jensen answers, and Jared can hear in his voice that he’s already heard the news.

“We did it,” Jared laughs. “We fuckin’ did it.”

“Damn straight we did,” Jensen agrees, loud and just as happy. 

Jared punches the air, so relieved, so excited. “This is a big deal.”

“Looks that way. You coming back for upfronts?”

“Yep. Gonna book my flight in just a few minutes.”

Jared realizes it then. He’s not allowed to talk to Jensen this way. Not anymore. 

Jensen seems to realize it too, and clears his throat awkwardly. “Well, I guess I’ll see you then. You doin’ okay? Had a good break?”

“Yeah,” Jared lies. “It was nice to get away.”

He regrets it the second he says it. He didn’t mean “it was nice to get away from you”. He hopes that isn't what Jensen heard.

“How ‘bout you?” he asks, trying to keep his tone light. 

“I’m good. Didn’t make it back to Texas. But it’s been nice to relax a little.”

There’s a ton of words bubbling up in the back of Jared’s throat. He gets off the phone before they can spill out. “That’s good. Well, I need to go book that ticket.”

“Okay. I’ll see you.”

“Yeah, see you.”

********

The press is painful. 

It’s painful because it’s fun. 

Every actor from the network is there, everyone is in good spirits, and there are cameras everywhere. Jared spots Jensen almost immediately when he arrives. The two of them will be expected to walk the line together, so Jared swallows his nerves and walks over. 

_Be cool. You have to act like you like each other. But not like you like each other too much._

Jensen is looking at him with an expression he can’t quite read. It looks like a regular smile, but Jared knows better. There’s something underneath it, something that makes Jared ache for him. For them. 

And then they are being yelled at, being told to smile and to look this way and to hug each other. 

Just like that, they’re them again. They know how to do this in their sleep. They banter and grin and play with each other, they say and do all the right things. And Jared basks in it. He leans in close enough to smell Jensen’s cologne, he runs his hand down Jensen’s back every now and then as they pose, just to feel the familiar curve of it. 

The whole night feels like some past life, miles away from him, even though it’s exactly what his life is and is going to be for the foreseeable future. 

And then it’s over. 

And Jensen leaves with just a quick “I’m heading out, see you soon.”

Jared heads back to his apartment alone.

Once there, he gets drunk. Not the good kind of drunk he used to get with Jensen every now and then, late at night with nothing to do the next day, just drinking enough to feel the warm buzz before crawling into bed to feel each other.

No, he gets the kind of drunk that only happens with a broken heart. He’s sad and angry, staring at the bottle, crawling out of his skin as he sits motionless on the couch, until he can’t stand it. He stumbles to the kitchen and tosses the glass into the sink, not particularly caring if it breaks or not, then makes his way to his bedroom, where his luggage still sits unpacked. 

Falling into the floor instead of sitting down gracefully, he unpacks just the guitar. 

He doesn’t play. He couldn’t right now even if he wanted to. His fingers are way too drunk, as is the rest of him. He just sits there with it in his lap, arms wrapped around it, like it might turn into the chest he wishes his arms were holding. 

********

The phone wakes him up. 

His head hurts from the alcohol and his back hurts from sleeping on the floor. The guitar is still next to him, and he accidentally bangs his hand against it as he reaches for his ringing phone. 

“Hello?” he manages, sitting up slowly.

“I always seem to be waking you up,” Sandy says. “Sorry about that.”

“No worries.” Jared looks at the clock and sees that it’s almost ten in the morning. “I probably needed to get up anyway. What’s up?”

“I just heard that you got a second season. Saw the coverage of the upfronts. That’s amazing!” She sounds genuinely excited for him, and he can’t help but smile. 

“It’s pretty cool.”

“That’s it?” she laughs, then drops her voice to match his low tone. “It’s pretty cool?”

He chuckles. “It’s awesome, isn’t it?” His head clears as he stretches back out on the floor, staring at the ceiling as he talks. “I mean, we knew it was a good show, but this is a big deal. People are talking about us like we’re a frontrunner of the season. We could even get early renewal!”

“And you’re happy? With the show?”

Jared hesitates for just a second. “Totally. I don’t know how much of it you’ve seen, but it’s got a lot of potential. With the way last season left off, there’s so many ways the story can go, and it’s going to get deep into the characters now, I think.”

“Sounds like exactly what you’ve been looking for.”

“It really is.”

“And how’s Jensen? You two still having fun doing this together?”

Jared clears his throat. “Sure. He’s fine.”

If he sounds strange, Sandy doesn’t comment. “Well, I was actually thinking I could come visit. Do you have some time off soon?”

“We’re filming some promos, but yeah. I’ve got lots of time, actually.” He considers his options, and hanging out with Sandy sounds a hell of a lot better than sitting here alone and depressed. “How soon can you come?”

He can hear the smile in her voice when she answers. “I can be there in a couple of days. Should I get a hotel room or…?”

Once upon a time, she wouldn’t have had to ask this question. But after their last visit together, Jared gets it. 

He should probably tell her yes, that she needs her own room, because it would be unfair to lead her on. But the thought of her, pretty and warm and smiling, everything about their relationship so simple and uncomplicated, makes him say otherwise. 

“‘Course not. You’ll stay with me.”

“I was hoping you’d say that. I’ve missed you, Jared.”

Jared doesn’t say it back. He can’t. But he _is_ looking forward to seeing her.


	10. Chapter 10

Jared wakes up to the smell of coffee and a pit in his stomach. He ignores the bad feeling, the one that's been growing bigger the closer this day got, and rolls out of bed, yawning his way to the small kitchen of his apartment. 

Sandy’s standing at the counter, gazing out at nothing, cup of coffee in her hands and an empty mug on the counter that's waiting for him. 

And she’s wearing nothing but the button down shirt he’d worn to dinner last night. 

She’s been here on and off all summer, and though it started as just one of their weekend flings, it’s sticking this time. He likes her. He likes how easily she laughs and how she wants to go on little adventures in the city all the time. He likes how she listens when he talks. And he likes how he can turn his brain off and not think about anyone else when he’s with her. She's the best escape.

He stares at her for a moment as she takes a sip of coffee, not wanting to startle her. _She really is gorgeous,_ he thinks to himself. When she finally notices him, she grins, genuine and sweet. “Good morning.”

Jared says nothing. When she turns to pour his coffee for him, he just presses up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing down the side of her neck. 

She playfully smacks at his arm when he digs his fingers into her side and rubs himself against her. “You don’t have time for this,” she reminds him. “Busy day ahead, remember?”

Yes. He remembers. That’s why he’s avoiding it.

“I have time,” he murmurs, sliding his hand down, over her bare thigh, then back up underneath his own shirt draped over her thin body. 

She hasn’t bothered to put underwear on. Within seconds, he’s got her bent over the counter, her hands curling under his as he fucks into her from behind, slow and lazy, like he doesn’t have anywhere else to be. 

But he does.

Afterward, as she’s pushing the hair out of her face and grinning at him, he can’t put it off any longer. He has to shower, has to get dressed, and has to go to the set. They start production again today. He’s supposed to be in a script read-through in a half hour. 

With Jensen. 

“So, I was thinking,” Sandy says, lounging on his couch now as he throws a jacket on. “I know I’m leaving tomorrow and that your season is starting, but I thought maybe I’d come back in a couple of weeks.” She lowers her eyes like she's a little nervous. "I, uh, I like being here. This has been good, you know?"

Sandy has a section of his closet now, keeps a toothbrush and shampoo in his bathroom. They’re getting comfortable. Which is making Jared a little uncomfortable. It’s been nice, having her here for the summer, making his whole life feel like some fun vacation fling. But he isn’t sure how that’s going to carry over now that his real life is waiting. He isn’t sure if he wants it to, no matter how much he really likes her.

“Sure,” he tells her. “We can talk about it tonight.” He leans down to kiss her quickly, avoiding a real conversation about it. “But I gotta run. I’ll call you later?”

“Okay. Can you let the doorman know I’m here in case I need to go somewhere, and he has to let me back in?” Because Sandy is unbelievably cool, she never minds jumping through hoops like that, keeping the big things separate and casual.

Jared nods, because he just can’t bring himself to give her the spare key hidden in the bottom drawer of his nightstand. It doesn’t belong to her. 

********

_You can do this. It’s just Jensen. You’re still friends._

As Jared walks from his trailer to the offices on set, he tries to talk himself down, tries to make this not such a big deal. But they haven’t spoken since they finished filming the promos, and so much has happened with Sandy, and Jared has no clue where they stand or what this is going to be like now. 

And there’s no time left to worry about it, because there’s Jensen. He’s sitting in his chair with his script open on the table in front of him, talking to the director, asking questions here and there. 

Jared smiles at that, at how familiar it is, to hear Jensen discussing the technical side of things, wanting to learn everything he can. 

His eyes light up when he sees Jared, and Jared’s heart surges forward, pulling him closer on shaky legs.

“Hey,” they say in unison, then look down and chuckle a little. 

“How’s it going?” Jensen finally asks.

Jared forces himself to look Jensen in the eyes when he answers. “Good. You know. Fine.” Does Jensen know about Sandy? They haven’t spoken, but people talk. “How are you?”

“Good. Excited to be back here.”

Jared isn’t sure how to take that. 

Their reunion is short, interrupted by people shuffling in and loudly saying hello as the old routine starts again. This time, it’s quiet between the two of them. 

There’s no joking, no antics, no talking to pass the time. Jared wonders if anyone else notices. 

And then the reading starts. And they have a job to do.

Just like over the summer, it’s easier than Jared thought it would be to pretend. He isn’t sure why he’s surprised, he is an actor after all. But there’s just something comforting about being Sam, about talking to Dean. He’s still sure of Jensen when they’re doing this, still sure of the chemistry between them, even if it hurts now. 

And as the day goes on, they relax a little. 

“You get the next few scripts?” Jensen asks. 

“Yeah. There’s some good shit in there.”

Jensen laughs. “There is. Of course, we spend a lot of it screaming and crying. Not the most fun to film.”

Jared shrugs. He’s actually kind of looking forward to it. He hasn’t felt much of anything lately, not really, and it will be nice to force some emotions. Even the bad ones. 

Jared’s relieved when he climbs into the SUV that will take him home. The first day is over. It wasn’t a disaster. 

But alone in the car, Jared thinks all the things he held back on set. He thinks about how good Jensen looks, about how Jeff kept eyeing them during breaks like he knew something was off, about how much he wanted to just talk, to hang out like they used to. 

There are hot tears in his eyes when he gets back to his apartment building, and he hastily wipes them away as he gets out of the car. He takes deep and even breaths during the elevator ride, calming himself down, forcing himself to forget about it for now.

Sandy’s waiting for him inside. 

And she’s the one he’s with right now. She’s the fun, sweet, uncomplicated person he can be with without hiding, the one he can kiss at the movie theater and talk to his family about. 

She’s the one who didn’t walk out on him. 

Just like he did when she said “good morning”, Jared stays silent when she greets him. She’s dressed for dinner already, sitting at the kitchen counter reading a magazine, short skirt riding up her crossed legs. Jared can’t think about Jensen anymore, can’t talk about his day yet, so he just spins her stool around, drops to his knees, and pushes her legs apart so he can taste her. 

She giggles and lets him.

********

Four episodes in. It’s getting easier. 

Maybe it’s just time doing its job, but it almost feels like they’re real friends now. The feelings are still there, suffocating Jared whenever he thinks about it too long, but he’s learned to breathe around them. They are back to being _them_ , teasing each other, pranking the crew, spending their downtime between takes talking about everything. 

Jared even mentions Sandy a few times. He doesn’t go into detail, and Jensen doesn’t ask, but there doesn’t seem to be any bad blood between them when her name comes up.

Things are good.

And Jared’s miserable. 

Why _doesn’t_ Jensen care that he’s with Sandy? If they’re such good friends again, why don’t they hang out outside of the set anymore? Why does greeting fans and doing any kind of press together feel the same as shooting a scene?

Every night that Jared doesn’t spend with Sandy, he spends thinking about Jensen. He creates scenario after scenario in his mind, conversations they won’t ever have, moments that won’t ever happen. Moments where he gets to tell Jensen how much he misses him. Where Jensen breaks down and tells Jared that he can’t do this anymore, that he was wrong to break things off. Jared fantasizes about every single happy ending that might be possible, not even feeling guilty that he should be thinking about Sandy.

Not that Jensen wants any of that anyway. 

Today, Jensen just seems like he wants to be left alone.

“You okay?” Jared asks softly, quiet enough that the crew won’t hear him.

Jensen nods. “Just. Getting ready.”

Jared doesn't push for more conversation. It’s probably one of the most emotional scenes Jensen has had to film. It’s raw and close up, too. No monsters or other people to take some of the focus. 

And Jensen is fucking flawless.

They do the scene in only three takes, and Jensen nails it every damn time. Jared aches for Jensen, aches for _Dean_ as he sits there on the hood of the car, tearing up himself despite the fact that it’s not in the script for him to cry. He can’t help it. The pain, the guilt, it all bubbles up out of Jensen in the most authentic, real way, quiet but intense. Mesmerizing.

The crew is silent after the cut, and Jensen just stands up and takes off walking. 

Jared’s on his feet and going after him without even thinking about it. Neither of them say a word, and neither of them stop walking until they are down the road far enough that they can barely see the crew they’ve left behind. 

Jensen’s still got tears in his eyes, looking out over the pretty scenery and taking deep, shuddering breaths to try and calm himself down. 

Jared opens his mouth to say something, but nothing feels right. There’s not a whole lot to say about the scene, and if this emotion is coming from anywhere else, well...Jared isn’t sure what he wants to say about that. 

He throws an arm around Jensen’s shoulders instead. 

Jensen leans into him instantly, head bobbing like he wants to fall completely into Jared, but he stays on his own two feet. Jared grips his shoulder firmly and holds on, hoping it’s enough. 

“I’m okay,” Jensen finally says. “Sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing is wrong with you,” Jared tells him. “That was a fucking incredible scene.”

Jensen nods. “Thanks.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Jared’s almost afraid to ask. He isn’t sure this is allowed now.

Jensen shrugs out from under Jared’s arm and turns to look back at the set, where the crew is now disassembling everything. 

“Not really. I just needed a minute.”

“Okay,” Jared nods. “I can go. I’ll tell them to give you some time.”

“No,” Jensen grabs his arm as he turns to leave. “I didn’t mean-would you...I don’t mind if you stay.”

_Of course I’ll stay. I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me._

“Okay.” 

They don’t say much else, just shuffle around and kick at the dirt a little, until Jensen finally scrubs a hand over his face and puts on a smile that only looks half-forced. “I’m good. Thanks, Jay.”

It seems like a lifetime since he’s heard Jensen call him that. It shines over Jared like sunshine, and he has to force himself not to lean in, not to openly bask in it. 

“Any time, Jen,” he mutters, following Jensen back to the tiny crowd.

********

When the phone rings with Jensen’s name on the screen, Jared goes still, a surge of adrenaline rendering him motionless for just a second, before he manages to answer with fumbling fingers.

“Hello?”

“Jay?” He can hear the alcohol in Jensen’s voice, in the slow drawl of it. 

“Yeah, where are you? Are you alright?”

“At my hotel. I was just. I don’t know.”

“What’s going on, Jensen?”

“This is stupid,” Jensen slurs. “Can, uh. Can you…”

“On my way.” Jared doesn’t think, doesn’t process. He just gets up and moves, grabbing his keys and heading out the door as quickly as the call is disconnected. 

He tries not to think too much as he drives to the hotel. He has no idea what’s wrong or what’s waiting for him there, and he doesn’t want to make assumptions. He just impatiently revs the engine at every red light, cussing under his breath until he’s pulling into the parking lot and dashing inside. 

Jensen answers almost instantly, like maybe he was waiting by the door for Jared’s knock. And he doesn’t look good. His eyes are red and puffy from the drinking and from crying. His hands shake as he offers Jared a beer. Jared takes it, but doesn’t drink. 

He waits for Jensen to talk. Jensen shuts down when he’s pressed too hard, and Jared knows he’ll talk when he’s ready. 

“I dunno why I called you.” Jensen sits down and runs his hands back and forth over the top of his head, sounding more like he’s talking to himself than to Jared. “It was a really long day, ya know? And I couldn’t get out of that scene. I even went out for a little bit, but the mood just wouldn’t break. And I just needed…”

Jared doesn’t dare move or breathe too loudly as he speaks. “Needed what?”

Jensen lifts his head, and Jared’s never seen his eyes so bright, almost feverish, pleading and broken. “I needed you. I need you.”

“I’m here,” Jared tells him, careful and cautious. “You wanna talk about that scene? Or do something to take your mind off it?”

“I don’t know why it fucked me up so much. It doesn’t usually take this long for all that to wear off.”

Jared shrugs. “You dug deep this time. But it’s just a script, Jensen. This mood? It’s not real. Get some sleep and it’ll be over by morning.”

“It’s not just that, though.”

“What else is it?”

“It’s just. Work feels wrong now. And you’re with Sandy, and I fucking hate that.”

Jared’s afraid to react. This is the first time they’ve mentioned this, and he doesn’t want to make a wrong move. 

“Not that I’m allowed to hate that. I was the one who told you this couldn’t happen.”

“Do you wish you hadn’t said that?” Jared can’t help himself now.

Jensen laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “I wish a lot of things.”

Jared takes a chance and sits down on the couch next to him. “What do you wish?”

Jensen doesn’t answer. Instead, he turns, eyes taking a second to focus, and cups Jared’s face in his strong hands, one thumb rubbing over Jared’s lips. 

Jared loses the battle right then. He leans forward, presses his forehead against Jensen’s, curls his fingers around Jensen’s wrists to keep his hands right where they are. But when he pushes his lips out, Jensen turns away.

“I’m sorry. You’re with Sandy. I shouldn’t have...we still can’t…”

It hits like a freight train to Jared’s chest, the hurt of it, the sharp pain that takes his breath away. It destroys him all over again. Not that there was much left to destroy.

He stands up. “You’re okay here?”

When Jensen nods, Jared leaves, rushes out as fast as he can, hoping he can breathe once he finally manages to get outside. 

And to his surprise, he can.

It’s all still devastating.

But Jared isn’t alone anymore. Jensen isn’t over this either. 

It drags things out, makes them worse, makes them both gluttons for punishment, but Jared isn’t suffering by himself. This meant just as much to Jensen as it did to Jared.

It doesn’t change things or fix things.

But it means that tonight, when Jared falls asleep with a wet face and a broken heart, he isn’t the only one. 

That’s the only comfort he’s going to get, but it will do for now.


	11. Chapter 11

“Craziest fantasy?”

Jared kisses at Sandy’s pulse, sucks at it just a little until her breath catches in her throat. “I don’t know,” he murmurs. “I don’t really have any.”

She squirms in his lap, her panties soft and silky against his bare cock. “Seriously? Not one?”

Jared grins up at her, shifts his hips to get more of that contact. 

She takes a breath, enjoying the feeling. “Ever wanted to do it in a public place? To role play? To restrain each other? Nothing?”

Images flash through his mind of Jensen holding his wrists down.

“No,” he lies. “I mean, I’m not opposed to any of those things. I guess I’ve just never really thought about it that much.”

She reaches down and pushes her panties to the side, wiggles down so that he’s sliding his cock between the lips of her pussy, slick and warm. 

“Maybe you should. Maybe we should try some kinky shit.”

Jared sits up, grabs her hips so fast she gasps, and kisses her hard. “Getting bored?”

“Not even a little,” she assures him.

They untangle just long enough for her to slip her panties the rest of the way off, and then she’s back in his lap, rocking herself down onto him, inch by lazy inch.

“What about you?” he asks. “What’s your craziest fantasy?”

“To have sex with a big celebrity,” she grins. 

Jared kisses her again, long and slow, all lips and hands instead of tongue. She falls into it, drapes herself around him until her hair tickles his shoulders and her heels are digging into the small of his back. 

They can’t really thrust in this position, sitting up together this way. Instead, they just grind, writhe around and see what new sensations each movement causes. Sandy squeezes herself around him every now and then and groans. 

“We could do whatever you wanted,” he tells her. “Just tell me what you want.”

“Someday,” she tells him, “I want to sneak into a bathroom or dressing room or something.”

Jared’s cock twitches inside of her. “Yeah? You like the idea of getting caught?”

She nods. “Sure, but it’s more about the _I have to have you now and can’t wait until we’re home_ part of it. It’s gotta be spontaneous, okay?”

Jared smiles, gently pulling out of her as he flips her to her back. “I promise. The next time we’re out in public and I get the urge to touch you, I will.”

She laughs, then guides him back inside her. 

They stop talking as he starts thrusting, deep and rhythmic, kissing at her neck and shoulders as he moves. Her legs wrap around his waist, pulling him deeper, using the leverage to lift her own hips and meet each of his thrusts. 

They’re good at this. Always have been. She knows where and how to squeeze, can fit into him like a puzzle piece. He loves how she sounds, how soft she is. And he knows that she gets off on this as much as he does. He knows that he does it for her, too. 

They’ve been officially together for a while now, and the transition from “person he’s sleeping with” to "girlfriend" has been mostly smooth. He still has his moments of doubt. But the more they do this, the more he’s got her warm body beneath his and the sound of her laugh in his ear, the fewer and farther between those moments of doubt become. 

“Fuck, Jared,” she breathes. She lets her legs fall wide open, grabs his ass, and starts pushing, hard enough that their hipbones slap together, echoing through the room between her cries. 

Jared moves faster, harder, gives her what she wants until she’s shaking, contracting around him, pulling out his own shivery orgasm. 

They kiss for another few minutes once he falls to the bed beside her.

“What about threesomes?” she asks, kissing the hollow of his throat with a loud smack.

“Threesomes?” He raises an eyebrow at her. “You got a girlfriend I don’t know about?”

“You got a boyfriend I don’t know about?”

Jared freezes, but forces himself to relax at her innocent joke. It doesn’t mean anything.

“I don’t know,” she continues. “It could be fun.”

Jared shrugs. The thought had never really occurred to him, but it might be an exciting game to play once or twice. “I could be into that.”

“Really? What if I said I wanted a threesome with you and another guy? Does that change your mind?”

He peers at her, wondering if this is some sort of trap. But of course it isn’t. She’s looking at him with that same innocently sexy smile, eyes wide and clear. 

He takes a deep breath and decides to trust her. “I’d be okay with that.”

She hesitates for just a second, then nods. “Cool.”

That’s it. Just total acceptance, no questions asked. 

He hugs her close and kisses her again. 

“What did I do to deserve you?” he murmurs.

She just sighs contentedly as they drift to sleep. 

********

“You’ve been weird all day, dude. What’s your deal?”

Jared looks away from his cell phone and focuses on Jensen’s face. “Sorry, what?”

Jensen rolls his eyes and grins a little. “I said, what’s wrong with you today? You’re totally out of it.”

“Oh. Sorry, it’s nothing. I, uh…”

“Talkin’ to Sandy?” Jensen plops down in the chair next to him and reaches for his coffee. Jared smirks at the sight of him, in Dean’s clothing, drinking an iced capp-frappe whatever it is. Dean would be disgusted.

There’s no awkwardness in his voice when he mentions Sandy, so Jared nods yes. 

“Things are serious between the two of you.”

Jared shrugs. “They aren’t _not_ serious. But we’re not getting married or anything.”

Jensen’s phone buzzes, and they’re both lost in their screens again, waiting for the next take.

Jared continues his conversation with Sandy, who has decided that tonight is the night. She’s found the person she wants to have a threesome with and has invited him to have dinner with them. It’s a little exciting, a lot nerve-wracking, and Jared isn’t quite sure how he feels about it. 

Sandy understands, of course. That’s why they’re having dinner. If Jared doesn’t want to go through with it, they go home without an extra guy, no harm done. But she sounds so hopeful that Jared’s going to try his best to want this. 

But he can’t get rid of his nerves, and by the end of the day, it’s rubbed off on Jensen. He’s just as jittery, shifting his weight too often, unable to keep his hands out of his hair, buzzing with extra energy. 

“I gotta get out of here,” Jared tells him the second they’re wrapped. “I’ll see you day after tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m heading out, too. See you.” There’s something a little off in Jensen’s voice, something that feels like more than just an anxious mood. For a half-second, Jared thinks about stopping him, about asking him to hang out tomorrow on their day off. It’s time that they got over all their shit and started being friends again. 

Because really, that’s what they are. They’ve started joking and playing with each other again, having real conversations instead of polite ones. And they’ve started touching again. Jared can shove him, can touch his arm when he’s making a point, can wrap his body around Jensen’s and make the crew laugh when he forgets his line. 

So it’s about time to start hanging out outside of work again.

Next time. Jared will ask him the next time he sees him. He just doesn’t have the courage to do it tonight. 

Tonight, he has to go to a restaurant and meet some guy he might be fucking later. 

The car gets to the restaurant too quickly. He isn’t quite ready as he walks in, legs a little shaky, blood pounding in his ears. He glances around, and doesn’t see Sandy. She’s usually five minutes late, and he’s a little early, so he just heads to the bar. A drink or ten is definitely necessary tonight. 

And there sits Jensen. 

Fuck.

“Hey,” Jensen nods, looking almost like he expected to see him here. 

Jared manages to sit down next to him without losing his shit. “Hey. I’m just, uh, meeting Sandy. For dinner.”

Jensen nods. “I know.” He tilts the glass of whiskey in his hands and looks into it like he’s seeing something more than just the liquid and ice. 

His answer catches Jared off guard. “You know?”

“I’m here to have dinner with the two of you.”

Jared sputters a little as the bartender comes over. Jensen orders another whiskey for himself and one for Jared. 

“You what?” Jared finally spits out. 

“Sandy called me the other day. We talked for a long time.”

Jared’s panicking now. His hands are sweating and his chest is getting tight, and he needs to get out of here right now. But he can’t move his legs. “Talked about what?”

“Well. She talked. I listened. She’s fearless.”

“She is,” Jared agrees, face on fire. “So, she told you about her ‘fantasy’ or whatever?”

“She did.”

“And she wants you to be the one.”

“She does.”

As soon as the whiskey is in front of him, he swallows it down, letting the burn in his throat ground him back to reality. “I didn’t know that.”

“I know.”

“So you’d thought you’d just surprise me? What the hell were you thinking?” Jared hisses. Now that the shock has worn off, the anger and panic is setting in. 

“I’ll go if you want me to,” Jensen tells him. “But she was pretty persistent on the phone. Apparently, she has a thing for the Winchesters and thought it would be fun to role play. And she said that it’s about time she and I got to know each other since we work so closely together.”

Jared blinks at him for a moment. “You can’t possibly think this is a good idea. I mean, what the fuck, man?” It feels good to have a reason to feel angry, a reason to talk about this without the raging pain and regret. “My girlfriend wants you to have sex with us and you actually agree to it? And then don’t even give me a fucking heads up?”

Jensen looks around, flushing a little at how Jared’s voice is just a little too loud. “Look, I’m sorry. I just.” 

He looks at Jared, green eyes flashing a little darker than usual. It’s all there on his face. The hope, the uncertainty, and Jared’s anger starts to fade. 

“I’m sorry,” Jensen says again, reaching for his wallet and throwing some cash on the bar. “I’ll go. I shouldn’t have come.”

Jared almost lets him leave. And then that damn magnetic pull takes over, and he just can’t. He just fucking can’t. 

“Don’t leave.”

Jensen turns around and searches his face. “This was a horrible idea.”

Jared shrugs. “When have we ever had good ones?”

Jensen smirks a little. 

_He’s right_ , Jared thinks. This is the worst idea they’ve ever had. They’re supposed to be over each other. This is not going to end well for anyone. 

Jensen stays anyway. 

Sandy shows up a few minutes later, looking a little nervous and extremely hot in a little black dress that shows just enough skin. Jared can feel Jensen looking at her as they get a table, assessing her. He’s probably wondering what’s underneath the dress, and Jared wishes he could tell him that he won’t be disappointed. But he isn’t sure of the rules yet. Is he allowed to flirt like that? Or is Sandy supposed to take the lead?

So he stays quiet. 

“So, I guess my secret’s out,” Sandy says. “I probably should have told you that it was Jensen.”

Jared nods. “That would have been nice, yeah. But it’s okay.”

“If this is going to be too weird, or mess up work or anything, just tell me. I won’t get my feelings hurt.”

“We can handle it,” Jensen says, and Jared tries not to laugh at how true that is. They’ve dealt with worse than this. 

Somehow that starts the evening, settles them a little, and the awkwardness disappears. They order food, drink wine, and talk. 

Sandy wants to know everything. She asks all about work, about the people they’ve met and the things they’ve done. They tell story after story, laughing so hard their stomach muscles hurt as they live it all over again.

“And then the guy tells us that you aren’t actually supposed to eat that part,” Jensen cackles, “that it’s just decoration. But of course, Jared’s already eaten three from the counter display.” Sandy laughs along with them, as enamored with Jensen as Jared is. “And I spend the rest of the day watching tv, while Jared spends the rest of the day with his head in a toilet. We never even made it to the museum tour we’d planned.”

“Hey,” Jared holds up his hands in defense, “they really shouldn’t make them look like food if they don’t want people to eat them.”

Jensen makes a face. “Or maybe they assume that most people aren’t just going to go down the counter, eating bits of all the displays. Who raised you?”

Jared laughs louder, hand immediately reaching out to rest over Jensen’s. He stops halfway and snatches it back, but Sandy notices. The laughter dies down. 

“So,” she says, a little more serious now, “I guess we should talk about the elephant in the room. I know you are both probably wondering how in the hell you ended up here.”

They shrug in unison, and Jared has to stop himself from smiling at that. 

“Well, that’s why,” she says, gesturing to Jared’s hand that is still awkwardly resting on the table, a little too close to Jensen’s. 

“What’s why?” Jared’s heart starts pounding. 

“Well,” she purses her lips the way she does when she’s trying to figure out exactly how to say something, “the way you talk about Jensen. Or, rather, the way you don’t really talk about Jensen. It’s cute, actually. And I assumed that there was some kind of...attraction there?”

Jared can feel Jensen next to him at the table, as still and frozen as he is. “Uh. Well, I...uh…” he clears his throat and Sandy smiles.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make things awkward.” She turns her eyes on Jensen. “Can I be honest with you?”

Jensen snorts a laugh. “You weren’t being honest before?”

She grins. “Look. I think you’re hot. And I think Jared thinks you’re hot. So do you want to come home with us?”

_She has no fucking idea_ , Jared thinks. In her mind, this is all innocent fun, something kinky that will make a good story later, something to bring the two of them closer to each other. And it’s sweet. Under any other circumstances, Jared would be all over this, wondering how in the hell the universe saw fit to bring him a woman like that. He doesn’t deserve her. 

But as it is, she’s accidentally opened a wound that was never really closed to begin with. 

And she’s waiting for an answer.

Jensen looks at Jared, and for a second, Jared lets himself look back.

Can they do this? Can they really spend just one night together without fucking everything up? Without destroying whatever they’ve managed to rebuild? Can they spend a night together with someone else and keep their history a secret?

Those questions don’t really matter, though. Because in the end, Jared doesn’t really care. Those are all in the future, problems he’ll have to deal with later. Right now, he’s sitting closer to Jensen than he has in months, and that is the only thing he can think about. He nods just a little, knowing Jensen will see it and understand. 

Jensen blinks back, and Jared almost laughs at how they can still talk this way, without saying a word. 

“Yeah, Sandy,” Jensen says, tearing his eyes away from Jared. “I want to go home with you.”

She grins, skin lit up by the candle flickering on the table. “Good.”

********

They haven’t said anything since they got to Jared’s apartment. The elevator ride was full of so many different types of tension that Jared almost backed out, but here they are. 

“I’m gonna get out of this dress. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Sandy disappears into the bedroom, closing the door behind her and leaving them alone in the living area. 

As if on some unspoken cue, they both move, walk over to the couch and sit down, carefully not looking at each other. 

“Is this too weird?” Jensen whispers.

Jared turns and faces him, asks the question he really wants the answer to. No point beating around the bush. “Why did you agree to this?”

Jensen looks at his hands, folded in his lap. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

He looks up then, green eyes meeting Jared’s. “Sandy caught me off guard. She called, and I just. I just said yes.”

“Because…” Jared shouldn’t be asking these questions. It’s too dangerous and too painful. But they’ve already come this far tonight. A few more steps won’t make this less of a stupid mistake.

“Because I miss you.”

Jared nods. There isn’t anything else to say. That’s the answer he was afraid of, and the answer he was desperately hoping he’d get.

And now all that’s left is to wait for Sandy to come back out here.

All that’s left is to spend the night with the woman he’s falling for, and the man he can’t get over.


	12. Chapter 12

They’re sitting on the couch silently when Sandy comes out of the bedroom. She looks bare, stripped down, makeup off and hair let down to hang on her shoulders, and somehow, that makes her look ten times more beautiful than she did at the restaurant. She pads across the carpet on bare feet, red toenails peeking out from underneath the hem of Jared’s robe, which is adorably huge around her body.

Once she gets to the couch, she stops and fidgets, glances around the room and kind of huffs a nervous half-laugh. 

Jared isn’t really sure what to say or do either. He looks at the floor and rubs his palms on his thighs. 

Jensen is looking at Sandy. Eventually, he lets out a low whistle of appreciation, one that relaxes her and lets her weight fully settle, like she’s letting out a breath she’s been holding. 

“So,” she says. “Uh, should we go in the bedroom? Or…”

“Maybe a drink first?” Jared suggests, and Jensen nods.

“That sounds good.”

Jared gets up and heads into the tiny kitchen, looking at both of them over the counter separating the rooms, Jensen with his long, sprawling legs stretched out in front of him, and Sandy with her loose waves shaking as she laughs at something Jensen whispered to her. 

“Whiskey?” he calls out.

“Yes, please,” Sandy answers. “Can I have mine-”

“Mixed with a splash of diet soda,” he nods. 

“And mine-” Jensen starts.

“Over ice, nothing else.”

Sandy looks back and forth between them, but doesn’t seem to find it strange that Jared knows exactly how Jensen takes his whiskey. Jared just keeps his head down as he pours the drinks, then carries the three small glasses back to the couch in one hand. He offers the hand to Sandy first, who delicately reaches for her glass, then to Jensen, who is careful not to let his hand brush Jared’s, and it’s such an intentional non-touch that Jared can feel it somewhere deep inside. 

Jared watches as Sandy downs her drink in two swallows, then takes a deep breath. “I’ve never actually done this before. I don’t know how we’re supposed to start.”

Jared shrugs. “I think we can start however you want to start.”

“Okay, then,” she smiles, and reaches for the half-emptied glass in Jensen’s hand. She sets it on the coffee table, then sits down on the couch next to Jensen, leaving Jared standing in front of them, watching. 

And God, he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. Is he supposed to watch both of them? Is he supposed to touch both of them? He and Sandy didn’t talk about any of those kinds of rules, and even if they had, this is Jensen, and they probably wouldn’t apply anyway. 

He needs to sit down, needs to be alone so he can think this through, because his head is in a fog right now, trying to catch up with everything that’s happened and how he feels about it. 

But Sandy’s hand is dragging up Jensen’s thigh, and that catches Jared’s attention. He’s mesmerized by it, by the shape of those pretty fingers over that thick muscle as they lean into one another. Jensen doesn’t close his eyes as they kiss. He watches Sandy, slowly moves his lips in a perfect mimicry of hers, and Jared loses whatever willpower he was holding onto. He remembers what it was like to kiss those lips, to feel their warmth and their firm swell, to taste them. And he envies Jensen, too. Sandy knows what she’s doing. Even now, she’s sliding the tip of her tongue over his lower lip to tease him, and Jared grins at the familiar move.

They kiss for a long moment. Sandy ends up with her arms around Jensen’s neck, one leg thrown over his lap, and Jensen’s got his hands in her hair. She beckons to Jared without breaking away, curling one finger at him to get him over to the couch. 

Jared moves slowly, a little shaky, and fits himself in behind her, her back pressing against his side. She sighs at the feel of him, then pulls away from Jensen, turns her body and neck enough that she can get at _his_ mouth now. 

And oh God, _oh God_ , she tastes like Jensen. It’s there on her lips and tongue, that flavor that Jared hasn’t tasted in so long, that taste that he’s missed. Without thinking, he grabs her hair and pulls her face back, plunges his tongue deep into her mouth to lick every bit of that taste out. He needs it. He craves it. 

And this is the only way he’s going to get it tonight. He realizes as soon as he tastes it that he can’t touch Jensen. The scent of Jensen’s spit on her neck, the taste of him in her mouth, is enough to make Jared instantly hard, enough to make tears form in his eyes and his breath catch in the back of his throat. There’s no fucking way he can touch Jensen without breaking down, without forgetting about her entirely, without spouting all the words he’s swallowed down since Jensen walked out on him. 

So he won’t touch Jensen. That’s not a luxury he can have. 

Sandy misinterprets his aggression, digs her fingernails into his forearm and kisses him back just as ferociously, and Jared lets her, tries to give her the reaction she expects. The one she deserves.

Somehow, she’s on her knees then, in between them, smiling up like she’s just won the lottery. Jared watches as she unwraps herself, pulls the robe open slowly, lets it slide off her body and elegantly drape to the floor. Of course she’s naked underneath, and some of Jared’s jittery nerves turn to tension that settles in his cock. 

Jensen must feel the same way, because he shifts a little on the couch, spreading his legs. He’s careful not to bump his knee into Jared’s. 

Sandy reaches out for both of them, winds her fingers through theirs.

“What do you all want?”

Jensen leans forward, and Jared can see the smirk out of the corner of his eye. “No, babe. You called us here, remember? We’re here for you. So you tell us what _you_ want.”

It’s all bluster, but Jared knows Sandy won’t be able to tell. Jensen’s nervous, isn’t any more sure of how to do this than they are. But he’ll turn on that goddamn charm and make it work. 

“I think…” Sandy looks at Jared who smiles encouragingly. “I think I want to taste you. Both of you.”

She leans toward Jared first, going with what’s familiar and easier, sliding her hands up his thighs until she gets to the button on his pants. He lifts his hips to help her as she slides them down, hooking her fingers into his boxers and taking them too. They pool around his knees as his cock twitches free, and in a moment of weakness, he looks over at Jensen. 

His hands are folded in his lap, mouth in a tight line, jaw clenched. He’s not looking at Jared, but he’s not really looking away either, and Jared has to fight his body’s urge to lean over, to press up against him and feel him again. 

Sandy crawls closer, leans down to push Jared’s shirt up enough to kiss his stomach, then work her way down. Jared sucks in a breath, louder than he means it to be, and curls his hands over her shoulders just to give them something to do. Her skin is as soft and smooth as it always is, and he closes his eyes to focus on that, on her. 

Her mouth teases him, tongue flicking out over the head of his cock once, then twice, before she licks all the way down to his balls. She sucks a little there, making his hips pump up involuntarily, unintentionally showing off how hard his cock is. He can feel Jensen watching, can feel those eyes burning over his skin, but he doesn’t dare return the look. 

He just squeezes her shoulders harder as she kisses her way back up and starts sinking down onto him, gently sucking at the sensitive head. 

“Fuck,” he hisses, pushing up into her warm mouth, into the tongue that’s swirling over him. 

She moans a little around him, then starts bobbing up and down, dark eyes blinking up at him every now and then. 

When she pulls away, Jared doesn’t try to cover himself up. He just sits there, cock still hard and throbbing, as she nudges her way between Jensen’s legs, pulling his pants off the same way she did Jared’s. 

Jensen is watching her closely, lips parted and cheeks flushed the way they do when he wants it, when he’s really turned on. Is he turned on by her? Or because he just watched her give him a blow job? 

Jared watches her as she repeats everything she just did, starting with kissing down his stomach. It’s hard to look, hard to see those muscles he’s missed, and holy shit, that cock. It’s long and thick and begging to be touched, and Jared contemplates sitting on his hands for a second in order to keep them still. He settles for just gripping his own knees and holding on, trying not to stare too hard as her tongue slithers around Jensen’s balls.   
male   
Jesus Christ, this is going to kill him. 

And then Jensen moans. That does more to Jared than the sight of his dick. It’s raw and real and low and raspy and everything male that Sandy isn’t, and it’s fucking perfect and fucking painful. Jared closes his eyes and turns his head away to try and get a grip. 

He can still hear the slick sounds of Sandy’s mouth, though, and Jensen moans a few more times. 

“I think,” she says, a little out of breath, and Jared’s so glad she’s not pulling those noises out of Jensen anymore, “that maybe we should go slow tonight? Not do anything too crazy our first time out.”

First time? Does she think there will be more times? Jared can’t think about that now.

“Whatever you want.” Jensen repeats the same reassurance he gave her when they first started, and she smiles at him, completely taken.

God, Jared understands that look. 

“I think I want you to fuck me,” she tells him, then glances over at Jared, “while I suck you off. Can we do that?”

She’s asking Jared for permission now, wanting to make sure she isn’t crossing any lines or making him uncomfortable. 

“Sure,” he tells her. Jared can handle that. He won’t have to touch Jensen, won’t have to do anything but focus on her. And he can do that. 

“Then come here, you two,” she giggles, leaning back and crawling around the coffee table, getting on her hands and knees in the open space in the middle of the room. 

Jared and Jensen stand up in unison, still not looking at each other, and shed their clothes as they move in opposite directions around the coffee table. They drop to their knees, Jared in front of her, Jensen behind her, and she groans.

“Jesus, this is unreal. Like, they make porn about this stuff. And most of them aren’t this good.”

Jensen chuckles at that and runs a hand down Sandy’s spine, making it curve beneath his touch. “You’re a hell of a catch, aren’t you?” Sandy glows under the praise, but Jared can hear the edge to it, that tiny bit of sadness and fear at the idea that maybe Jared’s completely satisfied here. 

Sandy reaches for the robe, pulls a condom out of the pocket and passes it back to Jensen. Jared still can’t look, has to focus on her face and her face only, on the expression as she leans forward to wrap her lips around his cock again. 

She sucks him down faster this time, moves more shallowly in favor of speed, messy and wet and hot, hair curling down around him. She groans when Jensen’s hand disappears between her legs, and Jared imagines those fingers sliding into her wet pussy, stretching her open the way he’s stretched Jared open. 

“Jesus,” he moans, looking up at the ceiling. He’s not going to last. 

Fortunately, with how loud Sandy is, mouth full of his cock as her voice vibrates around it, he doesn’t think it’s going to take long for any of them. He hears the condom wrapper being opened, then feels the push of it when Jensen thrusts into her. 

She cries out, sinks all the way down on Jared’s cock with the forward motion of it. And Jared remembers that movement, remembers being pushed up a bed until he was pressed against the headboard as Jensen slammed into him. 

Stop. Stop thinking about that.

Jensen waits then, stops moving and lets her take over. She shifts her weight, adjusts her arms underneath her, then blinks up at Jared, managing to look sassy even with her mouth full of his cock. She starts a slow rhythm, forward to suck at Jared, backward onto Jensen, over and over. She gains speed slowly, letting the feel of this, of the two of them, sink in. Jared tightens his hands into fists and lets her do what she wants, lets the simmering inside of him grow into a tight burn of pressure, flames licking inside of him as expertly as her tongue over the head of his dick.

Eventually, her mouth goes slack. She attempts to keep sucking, but her groans are so loud she can’t quite keep up the pace. It doesn’t matter. Jared’s close enough that he can just shift his hips a little and listen to her, and that will get him over the edge. 

Until now, he’s been blocking out Jensen, but now he can hear his deep guttural sounds, the ones that mean he’s just as close as Jared is. 

Sandy comes, shaking between them, managing to hold Jared in her mouth even as she trembles. He watches her face twist in pleasure, watches her eyes roll back a little as they close.

And then he looks at Jensen. He has to. He can’t stop himself. 

And Jensen is staring right back at him.

They stare for a split second, Jensen still thrusting into her pussy while Jared thrusts into her mouth. 

And then they’re both coming. Together. Jensen reaches out to wind his hand in her hair, and Jared reaches for Jensen’s hand. He shouldn’t. 

He really shouldn’t. But he has to. 

He grabs Jensen’s hand, under the guise of holding her head still while he comes in her mouth, and squeezes, holding onto those fingers like his life depends on it. 

They shake and pulse together, strong but quiet, looking straight into each other’s eyes as the sweat breaks over their skin.

And then Jensen lets go. 

Jared drops down to the carpet next to Sandy, who is catching her breath and sighing happily every now and then. Throwing an arm over his face, he tries not to laugh, tries not to cry, tries not to give in to any of the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He just breathes in and out, as calm and steady as possible, while Jensen throws the condom away.

When he comes back, Sandy leans up to kiss him, murmuring praise that may or may not make sense, but is enough to put them all at ease during a potentially awkward moment. 

Jared doesn’t look at him while he gets dressed. Sandy puts Jared’s robe back on, and Jared heads to the bedroom to put on a t-shirt and sweatpants, hoping that his silence isn't offending anyone. 

“That was fun,” Sandy’s telling him when Jared returns. “You sure you have to run off so soon?”

“Yep. Early day on set tomorrow,” Jensen lies. They both have the day off, but Jared keeps his mouth shut. If Jensen needs an excuse to leave, he’ll let him have it. 

“Well. Talk soon?”

Jensen nods, leans down to meet her lips when she turns them up for a kiss. 

“I’ll walk you out to the elevator,” Jared tells him. “Be right back,” he tells Sandy.

In the hallway, neither of them speak until Jensen pushes the button for the elevator. 

“Jensen…”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Jared asks, partly amused and partly irritated.

“Don’t say anything.” Jensen turns to face him, standing a little closer than is necessary. “Whatever you’re about to say, good or bad, I couldn’t handle it. So just don’t, okay? We’re good. Just. Don’t.”

Jared knows he shouldn’t, that he can’t, but he grabs Jensen’s face anyway, rubbing his thumbs over Jensen’s jaw and pressing their foreheads together. 

He doesn’t say a word.

When the elevator door opens, he lets go, and Jensen leaves, looking at the floor as the doors close. 

Back in the apartment, Sandy’s waiting for him in bed. 

“Was tonight okay?” she asks. 

“Yeah,” he sighs, dropping down and pulling her into his side. “Tonight was good.”

“I don’t know if I want to do it again. No offense to Jensen. He’s pretty wonderful.”

Jared can’t help his smile. “We don’t have to do it again, then,” he tells her. 

“But I’m glad we did it. I can cross that fantasy off my list. And I had a hell of a time.”

Jared doesn’t answer, just squeezes her a little as she settles in to sleep. 

He lies awake for a long time, trying to figure out what the hell he’s feeling.


	13. Chapter 13

They don’t talk about it. 

They go to work every day for the next couple of weeks and don't say a word about what happened.

Jared doesn’t mind ignoring it, because he wouldn’t know what to say anyway. He’s had absolutely no luck figuring out how he feels about everything, and he’s even less sure of how _Jensen_ feels about everything. It’s fine with him that they’ve just breezed over it and never acknowledged it in the light of day. 

If anything, things are easier between them. Like maybe they’ve closed the door and can really move on now. Jensen’s a little more relaxed when he talks to Jared, a little more naturally flirty, the way close friends really are. 

And they’ve started hanging out again. They play video games in their trailers, they grab dinner when they leave the set, they even go out to a bar when Sandy heads back to Los Angeles and Jared has a free Saturday night. 

Things relax between them, like a rubber band that spent weeks stretched around a stack of papers, holding them all together, and now just sits happily on a desk in a gentle circle, no pressure to hold anything any longer. 

“So what are we doing tonight?” Jensen plops down in his chair, so close to Jared’s that their knees almost touch. 

Jared blinks at him. “I didn’t know we were doing anything.”

Jensen bumps his shoulder. “Oh, come on. We have the day off tomorrow. We get to stay out late!”

“Usually I’m the one saying that,” Jared smiles, “while you groan about how tired you are.”

“Well, I’m not tired. So let’s do something. I’ll pick you up at seven and we can decide where we want to go, okay?”

“Yeah, alright,” Jared nods. He tries to tell himself that his heart isn’t really beating faster, that he’s not suddenly full of adrenaline. It’s just hot on set. 

********

He slides into Jensen’s car, grinning at how strange it is to see him drive. They have cars to and from set, and on the rare occasion that they ride somewhere together, they’re generally cramped together in the back, knees drawn up to their chests in the small space. 

But tonight, Jensen has his long legs stretched out under the steering wheel, the skin of his muscular thighs showing through a hole in the denim just above his knee. Jared can see his biceps straining against his t-shirt as he holds the steering wheel with his left arm, right arm draped over the back of the passenger seat as he turns to back out. 

Jared looks a little longer than he should, because this is a Jensen no one gets to see. The backwards baseball cap on his head hides hair that’s probably fluffy and sticking up everywhere now, and he’s got a soda can in the cup holder. They aren’t actors or celebrities tonight, aren’t dressed well enough to get their picture taken with fans they may run into, and Jared can’t remember the last time they did this. 

“Where to?” Jensen asks. 

Against his better judgment, Jared shrugs and suggests the first thing that comes to his mind. “We could, uh, get some take out and then just drive for a while. It’s gorgeous out. We could go to a park and eat?”

It’s too private, too much time spent alone with just their conversation between them. They should go bowling, go to a bar, do something that isn’t personal. 

But Jensen nods. “That sounds good.”

The sun sets late, and they drive through the dusk, through the brilliant colors splashed across the sky, with the windows down and the smell of Chinese food floating up from the containers stashed in the backseat. Jensen’s humming along to the radio softly, as sweet and easy as the summer night around them, and Jared sticks his hand out the window, letting the wind push his fingers back. 

“So what’s up?” Jensen finally says. “Anything new going on?”

“Not really.” Maybe he’s so relaxed that he isn’t thinking clearly. Maybe he just wants to poke the bear. But something makes him say “I’ve been learning to play the guitar.”

“Yeah?” Jensen turns onto an old two-lane highway, nothing but trees surrounding it, like they’re driving back to a time before power lines and cell phone towers. “That’s awesome. What got you into that?”

Jared closes his eyes, lets the memories wash over him with the warm breeze. Jensen sitting in bed, skin glowing with the morning sun while he played. Jensen following him around his apartment, laughing as he made up a stupid song about doing laundry. 

“It was when I went home at the beginning of summer. I just. I guess I just needed a way to pass the time.”

Jensen goes still and Jared knows he understands what’s not being said. Jensen knows exactly why he took up guitar. He clears his throat and makes another turn, this time down a road that doesn’t even have lines. 

“So, uh, what kind of guitar did you get?”

Jared smiles at the thought of the woman in the music shop, selling him the cheapest one because she knew it wasn’t the music he was after. “An old piece of shit. I wasn’t sure if I was gonna stick with it or not.”

“Smart,” Jensen nods. “It can turn into a pretty expensive hobby.”

“One I’m not very good at,” Jared laughs, leaning into his door so he can turn a little, get a good look at Jensen while they talk. 

“I bet that’s not true. Just takes practice. We should play together sometime.”

Jared grins, ducks his head down and looks at his hands. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

“Can you believe the launch party is coming up? Doesn’t feel like we’ve been doing this that long.”

Jared shifts his body and stares out the windshield, at the wide open land they’ve found just outside the city. “I don’t know. It feels like a lifetime ago that we started, for me.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything to that. The silence that falls isn’t awkward or uncomfortable, but it isn’t empty or easy. It’s full of that same charge that’s always there between them, of all the things they don’t need to say, because they’ve always known how to communicate without words. 

Jared sighs. And here he thought this had faded, that he had some closure. 

Maybe he’d just have to accept that he never would.

Jensen finally pulls over on the side of the road, in a small gravel embankment where they can see the sky as it gets close to dark. The pinks have faded to deep purples that turn their skin strange colors as they get the food and climb on the hood to eat. 

“This is very Winchester of us,” Jensen jokes, stabbing his chopsticks into the container Jared’s holding. 

A laugh snorts its way out of Jared. “Dean would never own a car like this, but yeah. Should we have some sort of conversation full of subtext where we feel a lot of pain but don’t actually solve anything?”

They both freeze as soon as the sentence is finished.

_Shit,_ Jared thinks. Everything was so nice and normal. And now it’s ruined. 

But Jensen surprises him. He bursts into laughter, loud and deep from his belly, dropping his chopsticks and not seeming to notice as they roll off the car to the ground. “Well, shit,” he says, slipping into the slightest of southern accents. “Maybe we really are the Winchesters after all, because that’s all we fucking do.”

Jared laughs too, more of a cathartic relief than anything else. “Right?”

They laugh until tears stream down their faces, until their stomachs hurt with it, until they can still hear it echoing through the trees when they stop, like it’s caught on and the animals are laughing with them. 

“Jesus,” Jensen sighs. “What a goddamn mess.” He shakes his head and digs a fork out of one of the plastic bags so he can go back to his dinner. 

“Doesn’t have to be,” Jared says quietly. “The last couple of weeks have been pretty good.”

His voice rises at the end like it’s a question, and he holds his breath waiting for Jensen to answer. 

“Yeah. They’ve been better.”

There’s something in his voice that doesn’t quite sit right, doesn’t have the same confidence he had a few seconds ago. But, true to form, Jared ignores it. 

“So, um. Are you taking Sandy to the launch party?”

The question catches him off guard. “Hadn’t really thought about it. I guess not. She’s in Los Angeles, and I don’t think she’s planning on coming back for a while.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“I just assumed you would, is all.”

A thought strikes Jared, one that makes his stomach sink. “Are _you_ taking someone?”

“No,” Jensen shakes his head. “But. I don’t know, man. You think it’s a good idea to walk the press line together?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

Jensen carefully closes the container he’s eating from, fingers moving too intentionally to be casual, and it irritates Jared. “I mean, after everything. Maybe we shouldn’t add to the rumors that Kripke was talking about.”

Anger bubbles up inside Jared, curls around the hurt that’s threatening to overwhelm him, and takes over. “You aren’t fucking serious, are you?”

Jensen looks up, shrinks a little under Jared’s bitter voice. “I mean, I just-”

Jared slides off the car, setting his food down and pushing his hair off his face, trying to calm himself down. But he’s only human, and he can only take so much before he breaks. “What? You just what, Jensen? We are the damn leads of the show. No one is going to think a fucking thing if we do press together.”

Jensen turns his head up and looks at the sky.

“That’s why you want me to bring Sandy? So people will see that at least one of us is taken?”

Jensen still doesn’t say anything, doesn’t meet Jared’s eyes. 

“Jesus Christ, Jen. _What the fuck are you so afraid of?_ ”

Jensen pushes himself off the car then, starts gathering the containers of food and putting them back in the bags. “Not afraid of anything,” he says quietly. “I just don’t want…”

“You don’t want people to know about us. Got it. Loud and clear.”

Jensen turns and looks him in the eye. “It’s not like that and you know it. It’s just...complicated.”

“No, it isn’t. You just want to pretend the whole thing never happened, because it’s easier for you that way. It lets you keep your big manly man image, gives you an easy out when things get too intense.”

Jensen sighs, runs his hands over his face like he isn’t sure what to say, then grabs the food. Jared watches as he tosses it into the backseat. “Come on. I’ll take you home.”

Jared slides into the passenger seat and stares out the window, determined not to look at Jensen. 

“Jay.”

Jensen doesn’t play fair, and Jared can’t ignore the pleading in his voice. 

“It’s just too much, still. I have no idea what I’m doing here. With this.” Jensen's voice is gruff and a little too loud, holding back his emotions.

Jared wants to be sarcastic, but it comes out mostly needy and sad. “You seemed to know what you were doing with me and Sandy that night.”

“That was probably a mistake.”

Jared holds his gaze when he answers. “I’d make that mistake again.”

“So would I.”

They don’t speak again while Jensen drives them home, the whole sky almost black now, glowing a little the closer they get to the city. 

Jared unbuckles his seatbelt in the parking lot of his apartment building, and has his hand on the door, ready to leave without another word, but Jensen stops him with a quiet whisper. 

“I think you should bring Sandy to the launch party.”

It’s not the first time they’ve said their goodbyes in one form or another, and it isn’t the first pain Jared’s felt from this. 

So he just nods and gets out of the car. 

A few hours later, after a night of staring at his phone and having a million fake conversations in his head, he picks it up and dials. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Sandy.”

“You okay? It’s late.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I just needed to ask you something.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the point where my brain takes over. Unlike previous chapters, most of the events from here on never really happened, and there is some serious canon divergence. Just a warning. Hope you enjoy it! XOXO

Sandy is waiting at the airport, smiling a little nervously as he descends the escalator, doing his best to give her a normal smile. 

“Hey!” She grins and leans up for a quick kiss. “Do we need to go to baggage claim?”

Jared shakes his head. “Nope. I just carried on.”

The truth is that he doesn’t have much with him. The messenger bag he’s carrying only has an extra shirt, his toothbrush and toothpaste, and a small towel. He hasn’t told her this, but he isn’t planning on staying in Los Angeles for more than a few hours. The extra things he brought are just in case he gets stuck for some reason.

“I was glad you called,” she tells him. “It’s been a while since you’ve been here.” Jared can hear the hesitation in her voice, the tiny bit of nerves at how vague he’s been about the reason for his visit. She leans over a little as they walk toward the parking garage, like maybe she wants to reach for his hand, but she drags her fingers through her dark hair instead, pushing it back over her shoulders.

“I guess it has been,” Jared agrees, wishing he didn’t have to do this. Wishing he didn’t like her as much as he does. 

“So, uh, what did you want to do today? We could go out? Get lunch somewhere?”

“Actually, can we just go back to your apartment?”

She nods silently, mouth forming a flat line. 

Jared hangs his head a little guiltily as he follows her out to her car. 

********

“Alright. Whatever it is, lay it on me.”

They’ve been in her apartment no longer than five minutes, just long enough for her to kick off her sandals and plop herself down on the couch, and she’s cutting right to the chase.

Jared sits down next to her and opens his mouth, but he can’t quite get any words out. He’s practiced this speech until it’s perfect, had this conversation in his head more than once on the plane ride here. But now that he’s looking at her, he can’t bring himself to do it. 

“Sandy,” he finally begins, “I, uh. I think we need to stop seeing each other.”

She turns her head away to look out the window as his words sink in. Jared feels like a complete asshole when he she turns back around and there are tears on her face, quietly streaking down over a sad smile. “Okay,” she says softly. “Can I ask why?”

Jared reaches out for her hands, needing to comfort her. “I’m so sorry.” The words are all there now, rushing out of him. “This isn’t because of you. Seriously. You know how I feel about you.”

“I thought I did,” she replies. 

“You have no idea…” His voice trails off. He can’t finish that sentence. She has no idea that she saved him from himself when he was mourning Jensen. She has no idea that she gave him a reason to smile again. She has no idea that she gave Jensen back to him, even if just for a night, and he will never be able to thank her for all of that. “This relationship has meant more to me than I could tell you,” he says honestly. 

“But…”

“But it isn’t fair to you. I can’t give you everything you deserve.”

“All I want you to give me is _you_ ,” she says, looking at their joined hands. 

“I know.” 

It hurts to watch her face fall as she realizes what he’s saying, that he’s just never going to truly love her, that he just can’t give himself to her the way he should be able to.

“Well, then. I guess that’s that. Can I ask you something?”

Jared talks around the lump in his throat. “You can ask me anything.”

“Is it Jensen?”

Jared doesn’t give her an answer, but his silence is an answer in itself. 

“I thought it might be. That night...it was kind of intense. I wondered after that.”

He doesn’t want to cry, but the tears come anyway. He drops his head, lets his forehead rest on their hands, and she wriggles one away to brush her fingers through his hair. 

“Don’t,” he mumbles. “You shouldn’t be comforting me.”

“Says who?”

He leans his head up and sees her smile, still sweet and innocent through her pain. 

“God, I don’t deserve you,” he tells her. And it’s not the first time he’s had that thought. 

“Then I guess it’s a good thing that I broke up with you,” she grins.

“What?”

“When this leaks and people ask why. I broke up with you because I didn’t like the distance, okay?”

Jared is so grateful he aches with it. He grabs her face and kisses her one last time, sweet and slow. “Thank you,” he whispers against her lips. “For everything.”

“You know you didn’t have to fly all the way down here to do this.”

He shrugs. “‘Course I did. I wasn’t gonna do this over the phone.”

Her smile is gentle and comforting. “You’re a good man, Jared. Now. Get out of my house so I can eat my feelings in peace.”

He laughs, kisses her one more time and tells her he’ll call her in a couple of weeks, then gets up and leaves. He can’t make himself look back at her.

The whole flight back to Vancouver, he thinks about what to say to Jensen. Or if he should say anything at all. Things are not great between them, and it’s not as if Jensen has been dying to get back together. 

And he probably shouldn’t go back and announce his breakup as if he only did it for Jensen. He did it because he wasn’t in love with her, and it wasn’t right. 

He stares out the window, watches the lights beneath them as they fly over city after city, wondering how many people are as confused as he is.

And he gets off the plane as unsure about how to deal to with Jensen as he was when he boarded. But when the cab driver asks for an address, he gives him the name of Jensen’s hotel anyway.

It’s late, and Jensen’s probably asleep. Jared knocks loud enough to wake him up, and sure enough, he’s sleepy-eyed and groggy when he opens the door.

“What are-is everything okay?”

“I broke up with Sandy,” Jared blurts out, then bites his lip as he waits for Jensen’s reaction.

Jensen just pushes the door open for him and nods toward the couch in the suite.

Jared watches him stifle a yawn, then comb at his hair with his fingers. When he sits down on the coffee table across from Jared, he has a flat expression, the one that gives nothing away and makes Jared crazy.

“Did something happen between you two? A fight?”

“No.”

“So why did you break up with her?”

“You know why.”

Jensen shakes his head and looks down at his bare feet. “I really don’t think-”

“Stop it. Just listen to me for a second, okay? I broke up with her because she isn’t the person I want to be with. It’s done. But that’s not why I’m here. You owe me a conversation.”

There’s nowhere for Jensen to hide, and Jared isn’t letting him out of it this time. “I know.”

“Then fucking talk to me, man. Tell me the truth.”

“What do you want to know?”

Jared waits until Jensen meets his eyes. “If there were no cameras. If we weren’t kind of famous. If Kripke hadn’t told us to tone it down, would that change things?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Jensen sighs. “That’s never gonna happen.”

“Jensen, I swear to God, I am leaving here and quitting the goddamn show if you don’t give me a straight answer.”

Jensen almost smiles at Jared’s anger, and Jared knows he’s close to breaking. Finally.

He pushes harder, leans forward until their knees are touching and he can slide his hands over Jensen’s forearms. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “Just say it.”

Jensen takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m just. I’m just really scared.”

“Of what?” 

The dim light from the one lamp they’ve turned on makes Jensen’s skin glow as he turns his head, looks down at the carpet. “Of you.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m in love with you.”

He says it almost unemotionally, those words coming from those perfect lips like they aren’t the most important thing that’s ever been said in the history of everything. He just throws them out there and lets them hit Jared in the gut, guards himself with that blunt tone and those squared shoulders. 

Jared can’t speak for a moment. He’s too busy soaking it in, letting _I’m in love with you_ fill his head until he’s dizzy, fall down into his chest and burn there for a few seconds. Eventually, he realizes that his hands are still on Jensen.

He tightens his fingers, pulls on Jensen’s arms to force him to turn his head forward, to lean in a little. 

The kiss is slow, hesitant, a question that Jared needs Jensen to answer. 

And he does. They sink into it, bodies fitting like puzzle pieces when Jared falls back into the couch and Jensen pushes himself up to hover over him, arms winding around each other.

Their lips still fit, still move in the exact right way that makes them both shiver a little. Their tongues still know how far to push in so they can meet, dancing together a little as Jared sighs into Jensen’s mouth. 

“God, I missed you,” Jared murmurs, can’t stop himself from saying the words. “Missed you so much, Jen.”

Jensen makes a broken noise in the back of his throat and sits back on the couch, next to Jared now. “I missed you, too. Every day. Jesus, it was…”

“I know.”

“I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with me. I just freaked myself out, and then you were with Sandy…”

“I was with Sandy because I couldn’t have you.”

Jensen looks at him with hope across every inch of his face, like Jared hadn’t made it perfectly clear how he felt about him in the first place. “I’m sorry. For everything.” He leans in again, but Jared pulls back, hands flat on Jensen’s chest to stop him. 

“Wait. I don’t want to do this if you’re gonna...I can’t handle going through that again.”

Jensen’s shoulders slump and he gently drops his arms. “I can’t either.”

It feels so familiar, to be standing on the edge of this cliff. “Okay,” Jared nods. “I know you aren’t ready to go public. And that’s totally fine by me. But you told me before that you didn’t want to sneak around, either.”

The air thickens, making Jared’s chest heave as he waits for Jensen to answer. Jensen stares at him, lets his eyes wander down to Jared’s lips, licks his own. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll figure it out. But I’m not gonna fuck this up again. I’m not gonna lose you.”

Jared doesn’t have time to respond, because Jensen’s kissing him again, pushing him down on the couch and possessively settling over him, hands grabbing at his sides, hips digging against Jared’s, low growl humming through his kiss into Jared’s mouth. 

It has been way too fucking long since they’ve done this. 

When they need to breathe, Jensen backs off, stands all the way up and pulls Jared to his feet, mouth searching for another kiss instantly, walking both of them to the other side of the large suite where the bed waits.

There’s probably a lot to talk about, but it can wait. 

Right now, the only thing that matters is that it’s Jensen, and he’s here, and he’s in love with Jared, and Jared can feel his body, can taste his lips and smell his skin again. 

They stumble to the bed, pulling at each other’s shirts. Elbows and knees get in the way as they fall into the mattress and squirm their way to the middle, making them smile a little as they keep kissing, as they stretch out completely, bare chest to bare chest. 

“Holy shit, I’ve missed this,” Jensen groans, kissing wetly down Jared’s neck. Jared tilts his head to give Jensen more room, grunting when he sucks   
hard just below Jared’s ear. “Missed how warm you always are.”

Jared’s hand slides down Jensen’s back, bumping over each muscle along the way. Their hips grind together almost instinctively, and Jensen groans again. His hand slides down Jared’s chest to pinch at one of his nipples. The arch of Jared’s back at that sharp, perfect sting, sends his chest right up against Jensen’s, solid and thick muscle to slam into.

“Fuck, Jen, just…” He impatiently grabs at Jensen’s sweatpants, shoves his hand down them and is delighted to discover that there’s no underwear in his way. It’s just Jensen, hot and hard and thick for him to wrap his fingers around and stoke.

Jensen’s breath catches and his lips stop kissing over Jared’s collarbone for just a second before he shifts, pushes Jared’s hand away. 

“Wait. Hold on.” He rolls away to shove the pants down and kick them off, and Jared uses the opportunity to struggle out of his own jeans, getting them caught on the shoes he’s forgotten to take off. He kicks and laughs at himself, finally getting them off and throwing them to the floor with a thud.

When he turns back to Jensen, something surges him forward, makes him shove Jensen to his back so he can be the one on top this time. Jensen lets his head fall back on the pillow, wraps his thick legs around Jared’s hips, and _holy shit_ that’s the most amazing thing Jared’s ever felt. Their cocks rub together, twitching and jerking like they’re reaching for each other, like they’re happy to be back where they belong. 

“Say it again,” Jared says, looking down at Jensen’s flushed face. “Tell me you missed me.”

Jensen doesn’t hesitate. “Missed you so much, Jay.”

“Tell me you want me.”

Jensen tightens his legs around Jared and shifts his hips, grinding their bodies together. “Always wanted you.”  He leans up to drag his tongue down Jared’s jaw, then plant a sweet kiss on the corner of Jared’s mouth. “Not going anywhere this time.”

Those are the words Jared wants, the reassurance he’s looking for that he isn’t about to get his heart broken again. 

“Again.”

Jensen smiles. “I want you. Only you.”

Jared thrusts a little, sucks at his fingers until they are wet enough to reach down and wrap around both of them, squeezing hard. Jensen gasps, makes the perfect little whimpering noise and wraps his hands around Jared’s, their fingers naturally entwining. 

“Again.” He needs to hear it, needs the words to be said enough times that they erase the last few months.

“Only you, Jay. It’s only ever been you.”

Jared closes his eyes, braces himself, and thrusts harder, their hands moving in the same rhythm and dragging the sensations out longer. “Again.”

“Shouldn’t have let you go the first time,” Jensen says, words coming faster, like they’re rolling downhill and gathering speed. “Shouldn’t have left. I need you.”

Jared groans and moves even faster, letting the pressure build inside of him as his balls draw up tight. The weight of Jensen’s legs around him, the sound of his voice, the curves and lines of him as he wraps himself around Jared’s body...it’s too much, and Jared gets lost in it. He’s coming before he means to, shouting Jensen’s name as he spills over their fingers. The movements are so wet then, slick sounds filling the air until Jensen’s coming too, just as loud and hard as Jared. 

They kiss their way through the tremors, not wanting to stop touching each other, not wanting to pull apart just yet. Jared’s hand finds Jensen’s again, and their fingers lace together once more, not caring about the mess they’re making. 

“We should clean up,” Jensen eventually says. 

“Mmmm,” Jared hums, much more interested in sucking at Jensen’s earlobe. 

“If we clean up,” Jensen bribes, “we can get under the covers and go to sleep.”

Jared still isn’t sure he wants to move yet, but he likes the idea of snuggling under the covers, so he lets Jensen lead him to the bathroom. They clean up quickly, silently, and are back in bed in record time, the lights off, blankets pulled up around them, legs and arms tangled.

Jared snuggles his face right into Jensen’s neck where he can breathe the scent of his skin, where he can pout his lips and touch Jensen’s pulse. 

He’s almost asleep when Jensen speaks. “You awake?”

“Mmmm” Jared answers sleepily.

“I just. I fuckin’ hated watching you with Sandy. This whole time, I was climbing the walls.”

“Hmmm.” The noise is basically an agreement, and Jared hopes it’s enough, because he doesn’t want to think or talk anymore tonight. He just wants to lie here in Jensen’s warmth and go to sleep.

“Don’t date anyone but me from now on, okay?”

Jared opens his eyes then, laughing a little as he lifts his head enough to talk. “You don’t have to worry. Know why?”

“Why?”

Jared pushes his head forward and talks right against Jensen’s mouth so that he can feel the words instead of just hearing them. “Because I’m in love with you, too.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that the boys are finally back together, I needed a chapter of gratuitous smut. Enjoy!

Jared wakes up curled under a wonderfully heavy blanket, in a bed a little more comfortable than his own, tucked right up against Jensen’s neck where he fell asleep.

It’s not the first time. They’ve slept in the same bed countless times, cuddled countless more times than that, and there is nothing unfamiliar about this morning. 

But everything is different.

Because they’re in love. 

They’ve been in love for a long time, Jared knows. But they’ve never said it, never made it official.

It feels like they are really a “we” for the first time. No going back now.

Before Jared can open his eyes and really wake up, Jensen moves. Jared hears his deep sigh, then falls away a little when Jensen untangles their arms so he can stretch. 

“Five more minutes,” Jared groans, snuggling deeper into the bed. “Work will wait.”

Jensen leans down to kiss his lips, then trace his tongue over Jared’s jaw. “Oh, fuck it. Let’s stay in bed longer than five minutes.”

The alarm hasn’t gone off yet, and they still have plenty of time, but they both go along with the ‘work be damned’ charade. They need some time to bask in each other.

Jared grins. “I’m a bad influence on you.”

Jensen slides lower, sucking at Jared’s collar bone. “Yep. You complaining?”

“Not even a little.”

Jensen is at Jared’s nipples then, tweaking them once before leaning down to suck and bite until Jared’s back is a tense, curved arch. He doesn’t stay there long, just until Jared lets out his first moan, and then he’s sucking his way down Jared’s stomach. 

Jared grunts, then smiles when Jensen sucks a particularly hard spot just above his belly button. “You trying to leave a mark?”

Jensen shrugs. “You don’t have any shirtless scenes coming up.” He leans down and sucks at the exact same spot again, harder still, giving Jared goosebumps. 

The playfulness turns a little hotter, a little more possessive, as Jensen leans up to inspect his work, then sucks one more time. Jared’s certain he’ll have a hell of a hickey on his stomach, a perfect image of where Jensen put his lips and his tongue. 

“Can I give you one?” he asks. 

Jensen sits back and grins. “Go for it.”

God, he’s gorgeous. There’s only a tiny bit of sunlight peeking through the hotel curtains, just enough for them to see each other, and it makes Jensen look sweet and soft and warm, like they’re in some dream world with each other. Jared sits up too, takes his time letting his eyes wander from Jensen’s face down to his bare chest, then back up. He drinks it in, the broad shoulders, the stocky, thick muscles, how his face is such a delicate contrast to all that solid strength. And while his face _is_ delicate, _pretty_ even, it’s not less masculine for it, still gives Jared a burning feeling in his gut that no woman’s face ever has, no matter how beautiful she was. 

“I thought you were going to give me a hickey?” Jensen prompts, one eyebrow raised at all of Jared’s staring. 

“Sorry,” he grins. “Got distracted.”

“Yeah. I do that too, sometimes.”

Jared can feel his cheeks heat up with his blush. He’ll never get used to this. 

Eagerly, he reaches forward, runs his hands all over the chest he was just memorizing with his eyes. Jensen’s lips part, but he doesn’t make a sound as Jared maps out every line, traces every single muscle. 

Jared follows his hands with his tongue, tasting his skin, still a little salty from the night before, when they were a tangled, sweaty mess. He chooses the spot right under Jensen’s left nipple, draws a circle with his tongue, then seals his lips and sucks. He sucks hard, groaning a little when Jensen reacts, hand flying to the back of Jared’s head and holding him there. He keeps going, making sure he leaves a bruise, then pulls away to see it.

He hadn’t expected it to look so...hot. It’s just a bruise. And yeah, it feels good to get one, which is why he did it. He wants to make Jensen feel good. 

But now he can see himself on Jensen’s skin. Literally. It’s pretty fucking hot. 

Jensen pulls his face up then so their lips can meet, morning breath ignored in favor of kissing the life out of each other. They groan and sigh and grab at each other, fully awake and fully hard now. Jensen pushes at Jared until he falls into the bed, flat on his back again, and Jared barely has time to get comfortable before Jensen is nudging his legs apart and dipping his head between them, licking a long line up Jared’s cock.

“God, yes,” Jared hisses. 

Jensen’s lips feel like silk, but they’re firm and sure as they kiss the length of him, as they work their way over Jared’s dick like they want to get to know every single bit of him. Jensen doesn’t dive right in, doesn’t tease like a porn star. He moves like he enjoys this as much as Jared does, like he’s getting something out of this, too. Jared lifts his head enough to watch, and the way Jensen blinks up at him, the shape of his mouth as he slides it over the head of Jared’s cock...it’s almost as good as the spark of pleasure shooting up his spine. 

Their eyes stay on each other for a moment as Jensen starts to sink down, but Jared has to squeeze his shut then, has to focus and gather his composure before he comes all over both of them and ends this too soon. 

Holy shit, Jared has missed _this_ , too. He’s missed the way Jensen’s hands grip his thighs and his hips. He’s missed the little groans that he can feel vibrating through him more than he can hear them. He’s missed the warm, wet pressure of Jensen’s mouth as he sucks, as he takes Jared in until he’s almost down his throat. 

Jared lets himself enjoy it for a few moments, lets himself thrust a couple of times just to feel the friction of Jensen’s tongue, but then he gets impatient. Jensen isn’t the only one who enjoys giving a blow job as well as getting one. 

“Come here,” Jared whines. “I want you, too.”

Jensen pulls away just long enough to twist his body and swing a leg over Jared so that he’s straddling his face. Jared doesn’t think twice about running his hands up the backs of Jensen’s thighs to his ass, smacking his hands down and digging into the muscle there. 

And then he’s leaning up, letting the head of Jensen’s cock rub over his lips a couple times before opening his mouth and tasting him. Their movements start to mirror each other, kissing and sucking, bobbing their heads and pushing each other closer and closer to the edge. Jared can feel Jensen’s tension, how his muscles get taut with each pull of his mouth. With that, Jared makes himself slow down, forces himself to drag this out. For both of them. 

They sink into a slower, more shallow rhythm, dancing around each other the way they always do, knowing exactly what the other wants. 

“Fuck,” Jensen breathes, pressing his face into Jared’s thigh. 

“I know,” Jared answers, gasping as he lets his head fall back to the pillow, away from Jensen.

Jensen flops to his back, then wriggles around until he’s on his side next to Jared. Jared leans in when Jensen runs a hand down his face, then back into his hair, stroking gently. 

“Let’s stay right here all day,” Jared suggests. 

Jensen sighs like he’s truly considering it, but ultimately shakes his head. “Nah, we have to go to work. But not quite yet.”

He reaches for his nightstand and digs out a condom and a small bottle of lube. 

Jared frowns. “You’re prepared.” They haven’t slept together in months, and he doesn’t really want to know why the condoms and lube are so readily available, but the words are already out of his mouth. 

Jensen smiles a little sadly. “Wishful thinking. I kept them there just in case you...in case we…but I didn’t think...”

Jared’s heart beats a little faster, aches with love for this man that has finally come back to him. “I’m right here,” he whispers, leaning forward to catch Jensen’s mouth on his own. 

Jensen rolls to hover over Jared. Jared’s legs just fall open for him, creating space so that Jensen’s body can get where it belongs, slotted right up against Jared until not even air could get between them. But Jensen doesn’t stay there for long. 

“Roll over,” he whispers. 

Jared doesn’t hesitate. Not if it means Jensen’s gonna move things along, because now that the condom is lying there, Jared doesn’t have the patience to drag things out anymore. He rolls to his stomach, tossing the pillow out of the way and reaching out to curl his fingers around the bars of the headboard. 

“Have I ever told you how perfect you are?” Jensen sighs.

Jared doesn’t answer, just lets out a rush of breath as he squirms, waiting for Jensen to touch him. 

“Every bit of you,” he continues, leaning down to kiss the back of Jared’s neck. “This part is perfect.” 

Jared shivers.

Jensen bites into his shoulder blade, making Jared groan into the mattress. “And this part.”

The bars bite into Jared’s hands as he grips it tighter, holding on as Jensen slides his tongue over each and every notch of Jared’s spine, not stopping until he’s in the small of Jared’s back, just above the curve of his ass. 

“And especially this part.” Jensen finally gets his hands where Jared wants them, pulling his ass cheeks apart, squeezing a little harder than is necessary. 

His tongue is just like Jared remembers, rough and warm and scarily accurate as it thrusts right against Jared’s hole, no warning or lead up. 

“Fuck,” Jared gasps, whole body jerking with the sensation of it. 

Jensen moves with him, keeping his mouth right there, opening Jared up on his tongue. He licks and thrusts and sucks, sliding into Jared deeper than should be possible, making Jared shake and sweat. 

Without realizing it, Jared’s humping the bed, seeking any friction he can get on his throbbing cock, letting Jensen’s soft sheets rub against him. He spreads his legs even further, toes curling and pushing up a little to get closer to Jensen’s face, then back down to push against the bed, low and greedy noises rumbling out of him. 

“Please, Jen…” he begs hoarsely. “Please stop teasing...just...come on.”

He hears the click of the bottle as Jensen pours the lube, and then his fingers replace his tongue, pressing in and going so much deeper. He curls them up into Jared’s prostate almost instantly, gently rubbing until Jared’s ready to explode. It takes all the patience Jared has to lie there and enjoy it, because he doesn’t care if he’s open enough, doesn’t care about getting ready, he just needs Jensen inside him _now_. 

Jensen refuses to hurry though, and makes sure that Jared is stretched open, slicked up, totally ready before he finally pulls his hand away. Jared feels light kisses on his back, peppering his skin with their barely there touch. Jensen takes a second to roll on the condom and slick himself up, wipe his hands on the sheets, and then those hands are sliding up Jared’s arms, wrapping around Jared’s where they are still clinging to the headboard. 

Every inch of their bodies are pressed together, all Jensen’s weight practically crushing Jared beneath him, and it’s the best thing Jared’s ever felt. Their fingers lace together, fall from the bars down to the bed on either side of Jared’s face as Jensen rocks his hips.

Finally, he gets himself in the right position and pushes in, one hard thrust that fills Jared up so quickly that he can’t breathe for a moment, just opens his mouth in a silent cry. 

“Oh my God,” Jensen groans, his head dropping to rest between Jared’s shoulder blades, hot breath coming in fast bursts against Jared’s skin. “Fuck, Jay. Forgot how good you feel. So fucking good.”

Jared finally catches his breath. “Move.” It’s all he can get out, but all of the need and desperation he’s feeling are there in his tone, and Jensen smiles a little against his skin. 

When he moves, he doesn’t hold back, pulling all the way out and slamming back in, both of them shouting at the feel of it, fingers clinging to each other so tight they’re probably cutting off circulation. They keep that same deep rhythm, those same smacking thrusts that force Jared up the bed until he finally digs his knees in to brace himself. He starts pushing back, angling Jensen into his prostate with every fucking push.

And he’s never heard Jensen this loud. Maybe it’s how hard they’re fucking right now. Maybe it’s that it’s been so long since they’ve done this. Maybe it’s the relief of knowing it’s not the last time they’ll get to. But whatever the reason, Jensen is shouting, grunting and growling every time he buries himself in Jared’s ass, alternating wordless cries with dirty words that make Jared’s blood pulse even hotter through his veins. 

Jared’s not much better, muffled screams into the mattress, letting himself react however he wants to the feel of Jensen inside him. 

It’s all they can do to hold on for just a couple of minutes, and then Jensen’s hands move to Jared hips, dig in as his whole body tightens up. Jared shifts his hips, lets himself go as he slides his cock against the bed one more time. 

They come together, Jared untouched, Jensen thrusting into Jared’s prostate one last time. They violently shake through it, groaning loudly, bodies going rigid as they pulse together, ride out the tremors with their bodies connected. 

It takes longer than usual for them to come down, for Jensen to gently pull out and flop down next to Jared on the bed, for their bodies to slowly relax. The endorphins take over and Jared grins, feeling totally satisfied and a little high on Jensen. 

“Yeah,” Jared sighs, as if they’d been having a conversation. “They can film without us today.”

Jensen huffs a laugh. “I don’t think that’s how this show works. We should-”

The alarm they set the night before goes off, and they both roll their eyes. Jensen flings out an arm, smacks at it a couple of times until it stops screaming at them, then rolls over half on top of Jared. 

“We should get up. I need to throw this condom away,” he murmurs, planting a loud kiss behind Jared’s ear. 

“Nope. Toss it in the floor or something.”

Jensen chuckles and moves, but Jared throws out an arm to pull him back down. 

“No,” he insists. “Let’s just stay right here.”

Jensen leans over and whispers in Jared’s ear. “If you get up right now, we have time to shower together.”

Jared considers that for a moment, then reluctantly pushes himself up. Slowly, he gets out of bed, stretches himself, wincing a little at sore muscles and the mess he’s made on his own stomach. “I hate you.”

Jensen grins. “That’s not what you said last night.”

Jared returns the smile, feeling a little shy now. “No. It’s not.”

They kiss slowly, standing there naked and messy, all sex hair and sweat. 

Finally, Jensen pulls away, grabs Jared’s hand and leads him toward the bathroom. 

Jared can’t remember being happier than he is right now.


	16. Chapter 16

Jared thought it would be a funny joke. He really expected Jensen to laugh or roll his eyes, then do the take again. But now Jared’s lying on the bed, waiting for a call to cut, which should have happened long before now. 

Things have just been really intense on set. They filmed Croatoan, then Hunted, and the two of them spent a lot of time crying at or near each other, delving into what it would feel like to be with the other one as they died. Their co-stars are wonderful, the crew is the absolute best, and there’s nothing else Jared would rather be doing. But it’s taken its toll on both of them. 

He and Jensen spend most of their free time together, but it’s quiet and solemn. They should be having fun, enjoying themselves now that they are in a good place, one that seems like it’s going to last a while. But work gets to them, puts a bit of a cloud over all of it. 

Which is why Jared thought they needed a good laugh, something to break the intensity. Playthings is just as hard for him as the last two episodes were, and his heart breaks for Sam a little more with every take. As an actor, it’s gold. Exactly the kind of depth you hope to have written for your character, exactly the kind of challenge you want to give yourself in front of the cameras. And he doesn’t mind how raw and vulnerable it is, because he’s got Jensen right in front of him. Jensen, who he trusts more than anything and anyone in the world.

Still, he couldn’t help but reach up and grab Jensen’s face during the take, his pleas a little too exaggerated and melodramatic, leaning forward a little like Sam was going to lay a big, wet kiss on Dean. 

But no one laughs. Jensen, always the professional, stays in character and pushes him away, and Jared has no choice but to do the same and stay with it, to fall on the bed and wait for them to get Jensen’s reaction shot. 

“Cut!” 

Finally.

“That’s the one,” Charles nods. “Perfect.”

Seriously?

Jared looks over at Jensen, who smirks just a little as he shrugs his shoulders.

He gets it. He knows what Jared was trying to do. And that’s enough for Jared to feel like he’s done his job. He isn’t too sure how that scene is going to turn out in the end, but if he made Jensen grin, it doesn’t really matter. 

“You wrapped after this?” Jensen asks.

“Yep.”

Jensen glances around cautiously, then leans in. “Can I come over tonight?”

Jared nods. “Of course.”

“I think we deserve a night of fun.” When someone starts talking at them, he winks, leaving Jared to wonder exactly what he means by that.

Luckily, he only has to wait a couple of hours. Their drivers take them to their separate homes in separate cars like always, because they aren’t taking any chances of rumors. Not this time around. But Jared knows that Jensen will call a cab, and they will spend the rest of the night together doing whatever it is that Jensen wants to do. 

He’s expecting dinner of some kind, maybe a movie, definitely sex. 

He isn’t expecting Jensen to be carrying his guitar when he lets himself in. 

Jared grins at Jensen’s keys when he tosses them on the coffee table. The spare key to his apartment is there, nestled between the few others keys, gleaming up at him happily like it’s glad to be back where it belongs. 

“Guitar?” Jared asks, not bothering to get up off the couch. He’s already changed into shorts and a t-shirt, settled into the cushions to wind down, and he’s not ready to move yet. 

Jensen only nods, sets his instrument down, and disappears into the bedroom. He’s carrying Jared’s guitar when he returns. 

“I thought we could play a little,” he grins.

Jared takes the guitar, but he isn’t sure how he feels about this. “Like I told you before, I’m not very good.”

Jensen shrugs. “That’s the point. I’ll teach you.”

The weird feeling in Jared’s stomach tightens a little. “It’s just that. I, uh.” He clears his throat. “I started playing guitar because it was a way for me to be close to you,” he says quietly. “And now that I have you back, it just reminds me of all that shit, you know?”

“Well, that’s a shame,” Jensen says, apparently unconcerned with Jared’s hesitation. “Because music is good for the soul.”

Jared stays still as Jensen pulls his guitar out of the case and tunes it a little. 

“Oh, come on,” he finally says, leaning in, smiling his most devastating smile. “Let me replace those memories with these.”

And when he puts it that way, Jared’s on board. 

“Alright,” he sighs. “But I’m warning you, all I know is Smoke on the Water.”

Jensen laughs, the sound as musical as the guitar when he starts strumming. Jared immediately recognizes the song, smiles as the chords of Free Falling fill the room. 

Jensen plays for a minute, face concentrating as he judges the sound, stops to tune his guitar a little more, works out finger patterns to make the chords sound a little more complicated. Jared watches, stares at his fingers as they move so gracefully over the strings, and his eyes as the drift shut every now and then. 

If Jared was any more in love, his heart would explode from it. They haven’t said the words again since that first time, that moment that Jared relives all the time because it was just too perfect. But it’s there now, all the time, pouring out of him any time they are near each other, and he can’t stop it. And why should he? He stares when Jensen starts to sing along, softly, voice deep and warm, and knows that no one else will ever own him the way Jensen does. No one else will ever be that goddamn gorgeous, right down to his soul, and Jared wants to bask in that as often as possible. 

“Stop lookin’ at me like that,” Jensen finally huffs, but his eyes are sparkling. 

“Nope,” Jared replies simply. 

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Okay, rockstar. It’s your turn.”

Jared manages to pull his eyes away from Jensen and focus on his guitar. The song sounds simple enough, so he’s willing to give it a try. “What are the chords?”

“D,G,G,D,A,” Jensen tells him, and holds his guitar ready to chime in.

Jared carefully strums each chord a couple times to get the feel of it, and to stretch his fingers a little, then adjusts his whole body. “If you laugh at me, I swear to God I’ll never suck your dick again.”

Jensen’s burst of laughter almost knocks him over. “One, I’m definitely gonna laugh at you. Two, yes, you will.”

Jared can’t argue with either of those statements, so he just grins and starts to play. It’s a little clunky, but after the first verse, it starts to sound like it should. 

And Jensen doesn’t laugh. “Here,” he interrupts. “Watch how I hold my wrist. It makes the transitions easier.”

Jared watches as Jensen plays a little, then adjusts his own hand. “Like this?”

“Not quite.”

Jensen gets up and pushes his guitar to the side, walks around the coffee table and settles in on the couch right behind Jared, pressed up against his back. He leans his head down so that his chin is on Jared’s shoulder and he can peer down at the guitar. When he starts to put his arms around Jared, Jared snorts a laugh. “You really think you’re gonna teach me anything this way? All I wanna do is drop the guitar and kiss you.”

“Control yourself, Romeo,” Jensen smiles. “You’re gonna learn to play this song.”

Jared tries to concentrate and Jensen’s hands slide over his, as their fingers lace together for just a second before Jensen starts adjusting the curve of his wrist and how he holds his fingers. “There,” he says, lips right against Jared’s ear. “Hold your hand like that, and the progression will be easier.” He smacks a kiss on Jared’s neck, making him shiver, then pulls away and settles back to his original spot on the couch. 

Jared shrugs, then plays the chords again. This time, it _is_ easier, and the song sounds much smoother. He gets in the rhythm, then looks up proudly to find Jensen grinning at him. “I did it!” he cheerfully announces. 

“I feel like I should give you a treat or something.”

Jared raises an eyebrow. “What kind of treat?” 

“Not that kind. Not this early in the evening, anyway. Play it again?”

Jared sighs, so put upon, and starts to play again. This time, Jensen sings along. Really sings. He doesn’t just hum or form the words under his breath. He isn’t throwing away the sounds like he’s just goofing around. 

Jared almost forgets what he’s doing as that sound fills his ears, washing over him like whiskey or honey, thick and rich and absolutely intoxicating. The song doesn’t have any particular meaning for the two of them, bears no resemblance to their relationship, but it feels like _theirs_ as Jensen sings it, as he watches Jared’s hands, as they catch each other’s eyes and share a shy smile. 

Somehow, it feels like one of the most intimate things they’ve done. 

The song ends, the notes kind of hanging in the air between them, and they don’t speak. Eventually, Jared puts his guitar down and reaches for Jensen, who lets him pull him close for a slow kiss, all soft movements and sweet sighs, foreheads resting together and noses rubbing. 

But Jensen stops him when he tries to lie down on the couch. 

“Let’s just hang out for now,” he suggests. “Eat dinner. Talk. We’ve got all night, right?”

They do. So Jared kisses him one more time, then heads to the kitchen to pull out the take-out menus.

********

Jared shifts on the kitchen stool and picks at his plate. “Are you heading back to Texas for Christmas? It’s coming up fast.”

Jensen nods. “Yep. Going to my parents’ place in Dallas. Are you?”

“Yeah.” Jared’s heart beats faster as he just blurts out the next thought in his head. “You want to come hang with us for a few days? Meet my family?”

Jensen visibly tenses, puts the fork full of food back down on his plate. “Meet your family?” There’s no tone for Jared to pick up on, just Jensen’s perfectly smooth delivery that hides fucking everything. 

Jared backtracks. “Not like _meet my family_. Just. You and I have worked together for almost two years now and they don’t know you. I just thought it could be fun to hang out a little. Wasn’t planning on introducing you as my boyfriend or anything.” He smiles, keeps his tone purposely light.

Jensen relaxes. “Sure, we could do that. I’d like to see you over the holiday.”

“Me too.” 

They go back to eating, comfortable silence falling over them for a few minutes, and Jared lets his inner self celebrate that Jensen doesn’t seem to be freaking out his time. He trusts that Jared is okay with keeping this secret. And now, he honestly is. The reasons are valid, and there’s a lot to be said for the two of them having their privacy. 

“You think we’re gonna get a break soon?” Jensen asks.

“A break?”

“From all that intense shit they’ve been throwing at us. Those episodes were rough, man. It’s about time for a fucking filler episode or something.”

Jared laughs. “I doubt we’ll get it. But maybe they’ll lay off the heavy scenes specifically between us.”

“Well,” Jensen sighs, pushing his mostly empty plate away, “if I have to do them with someone, I’m glad it’s you. Not sure I could go there with anyone else.”

Jared grins. “Maybe that’s just because you’re a bad actor.”

Jensen’s mouth drops open in shock, then hardens into a flat line. “You are so gonna pay for that.”

“Promise?”

The tension tightens and builds, presses in on them as they watch each other, waiting. 

And they are both running, racing each other to the bedroom. 

Jared wins, but Jensen’s on his heels, grabbing his hips and all but tossing him on the bed, covering Jared’s body with his own. Jared laughs and squirms around to get on his back, so their chests are pressed together and he can look Jensen in the eye. 

The laughing stops then, as Jensen runs a hand through Jared’s hair, pushing it out of his face, smiling a little as he bends down to kiss him. 

They take their time with each other. For a long while, it’s enough just to kiss, to run their hands over arms and waists, to cling and pull while their tongues dance with each other. When they finally feel the need to go farther, they undress each other as slowly as they kiss, taking the time to fully appreciate every patch of skin that’s revealed, to touch and suck and bite at each other with no other agenda in mind. 

Jared relaxes into the bed and closes his eyes when Jensen gets the lube and works him open, digs his fingers into the sheets and lets the sensation riot up his spine. Fuck, Jensen is so warm, warm fingers, warm breath, warm skin and muscles against Jared’s, and he wants to lie there in it forever. 

And when Jensen finally rolls on a condom and slides into him, they kiss their way through that, too, needing every inch of their bodies touching tonight. It’s more playful than it is intense, Jensen rocking his hips teasingly, Jared tugging at Jensen’s hair and grinning into his mouth when that makes him moan a little. It feels like a break from all the emotional baggage they’ve been carrying around from work, like a mini-vacation just for the two of them. 

They don’t talk as Jensen thrusts. They just let it build and build until it crests, until Jensen’s coming, reaching down and stroking Jared’s cock a couple of times until he’s coming, too.

It’s every bit as perfect as every other time they’ve done this. 

Afterward, they head to the bathroom, and Jared smiles to himself when he realizes they have a routine. They clean up, then brush their teeth together, knowing without speaking who spits when. 

And then they fall into bed, naked and happy. 

“Thanks for tonight,” Jared says, rolling them over so that he’s the big spoon tonight.

Jensen grabs his hand, laces their fingers together over his stomach. “We deserved it.”

“We did,” Jared grins. 

A few minutes of silence pass.

“Jay, are you even tired? It’s still early.”

Jared laughs. “Not really. Just felt like we should sleep.”

“Come on. I’ll teach you some more songs.”

Jared groans good-naturedly and follows Jensen out of bed.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fluffy chapter. Enjoy! XOXO

Jensen looks nervous when Jared opens the door. He’s got his hands shoved in his jeans pockets and he’s looking down at the porch, looking almost small. It’s adorable.

Jared resists the urge to reach out and hug him, kiss those frowning lips into a smile, and just grins instead. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Jensen walks in when Jared pushes the door open wider, shrugs out of his jacket and hangs it on the hook on the wall. 

“I’m glad you came,” Jared tells him, and Jensen seems to thaw a little at how relaxed he is.

“Me too.” He glances around the entryway. “Nice place.”

Jared rolls his eyes. His parents’ house is small and normal, family pictures on the wall, a layer of dust covering everything in the formal front room they never use. “You don’t have to say that.”

Jensen undoubtedly grew up in a place much nicer than this, and though Jared isn’t at all embarrassed or ashamed, he doesn’t want to make a big deal of it. 

“I mean it,” Jensen insists. “Our house was nice, but it was always...kind of cold. Impersonal. This feels like a home.”

Jared grins, because it’s the absolute truth. As much as he loves his life, it’s always nice to come home. 

A voice calls from deeper inside the house. “Jared? Is that Jensen? Don’t just hang out in the doorway now.”

“That would be my mother,” Jared laughs. “Come on.”

He leads Jensen to the kitchen.

“Well, hello there!” Sherri is standing in the kitchen, flour on her arms and some kind of dough in front of her on the counter. “It’s about time we got to meet you for more than just a few minutes.”

“Hi, Mrs. Padalecki.” Jensen puts on that charming grin that’s so fucking irresistible Jared has to actively control his facial expression before he gives himself away. “Thanks for inviting me over today.”

“It’s Sherri, honey. And we’re glad to have you. Hope you like pie?”

The corners of her eyes crinkle as she waits for Jensen to get the joke.

“Oh my God, Mom,” Jared laughs. “I thought we said no Dean jokes?”

Jensen cracks up then, fully relaxing as he leans his elbows on the counter and hangs his head for a second to really laugh. “I do like pie,” he tells her. 

“Good. And now that we’ve said hello, get out of my kitchen.” she winks. “We’ll talk at dinner.”

“Yes ma’am,” Jensen nods.

Jared wants more than anything to blurt it out. Tell his mother how in love he is. He wants to wrap his arms around Jensen and all of his sweet charm right there in front of his family and be honest. 

But keeping it a secret is actually kind of...hot. Every time they look at each other, there’s this tension, these secret signals they’ve mastered. Even in a room with Jared’s mom, or on set in front of all the crew, or on a press line with cameras flashing, the two of them are in their own little bubble as long as they have this secret between them. 

“Come on,” Jared heads for the hallway. He knows exactly what he wants to do.

Jensen follows him up the stairs and down a hallway to a small bedroom. He glances around at the movie posters and the game system hooked up to a tiny television set. “This is your room,” he smiles.

“Yep.” Jared shuts the door and clicks the lock shut.

Jensen’s mouth falls open in surprise. “We are in your _parents’_ house,” he hisses. “We can’t.”

“Mom’s the only one who’s home right now, and trust me, she’s not leaving the kitchen until that pie is done.” He steps forward until the toes of their shoes are almost touching. “Besides, I don’t want to have sex or anything. I just want to make out.”

“Make out?” He sounds skeptical.

“Oh, come on. I’m in my childhood bedroom with a celebrity who happens to be really hot. Let me have this fantasy.”

That earns Jared a laugh from Jensen, and though Jared makes Jensen laugh all the time, it always feels like he’s just won some sort of prize. 

“Fine,” Jensen says, and makes a show out of kicking off his shoes and stretching out on the bed. “Have your way with me.”

Jared takes off his own shoes, stares at Jensen for a minute before lowering himself over him, nuzzling against Jensen’s neck. “I missed you.”

“It’s only been a few days.”

“Still missed you,” Jared says, leaning up to grin down at him.

“I missed you, too.” Jensen’s hands slide up Jared’s sides, over his chest up to his face, then pull him down into a kiss.

It’s every bit as good as when Jared brought a hot girl up here in high school. Better. It’s just as fun, just as illicit, just as silly. There’s still that feeling of “what if Mom finds out”, still that sense of gentle, sweet innocence. 

But it’s more. It’s Jensen, so regardless of how playful it is, there’s something overwhelming about it, something Jared gets lost in. Before he knows what’s happening, his entire body is relaxed down into Jensen’s, his hands are clawing at the buttons on Jensen’s shirt, his tongue is sliding between those full lips and into Jensen’s mouth. 

Jensen rocks up into him, settling his hands in the small of Jared’s back and drawing up his knees around Jared’s hips. Jared starts contemplating how fast and quiet they could be if they did have sex.

“Jared? You up here?”

The voice interrupts them, and Jared pulls away, drops his forehead to Jensen’s shoulder. “That would be Megan. My sister.”

Jensen sighs and plants a kiss to the side of Jared’s head. “Then I guess we have to go.”

********

Dinner comes and goes quickly. 

They all love Jensen. And of course they do. Who wouldn’t? But even so, it gives Jared a sweet satisfaction in his gut to watch his parents laugh and talk easily, to watch Megan’s eyes widen dreamily as she talks to him. 

They tell stories about the set and filming, but Jensen shows just as much interest in them, asking questions and then actually listening to the answers. 

He _fits_. 

Jared has that thought as they are finishing the pie his mom insists they both eat two slices of. Jensen fits here. With his family.

With him.

“Well,” Jensen finally says. “I better be going.”

“You aren’t driving back to Dallas tonight? It’s way too far.” Sherri picks up his plate and hands it to Jared with her own. “Take those to the sink.” When she turns back to Jensen, she has the most stern mom face Jared’s ever seen, and he stifles a laugh.

“No, ma’am,” Jensen smiles. “My aunt lives in Austin. She’s expecting me.”

“Good. You’ll let Jared know when you get there safe?”

“Of course.”

She leans down and kisses him on the cheek, and Jared watches the blush cross his cheeks. “Come around more often, okay? It was nice having you here.”

They make it to the door after another ten minutes of small talk and goodbyes, Megan following on their heels. As soon as they are out of earshot of their parents, she rounds on them, blocking the hallway and staring at Jensen.

“Are you in love with my brother?”

Jensen looks at Jared, who is certain his jaw has hit the floor. He just glares at his sister. “Megan, for fuck’s sake, what are you-”

“With the way you two stare at each other? It’s a valid question.” There’s no anger in her voice. Just curiosity. “So. Are you?”

Jensen stammers a little, and Jared is too caught off guard to help him. “Well, I...uh...we don’t...um…”

“That’s what I thought,” she nods. And then she pushes up on her toes and kisses the corner of Jensen’s mouth, grinning when she pulls away. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell Mom and Dad.”

Jared watches her bound up the stairs, then tries to do damage control. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“It’s okay,” Jensen says. He seems surprisingly calm, and actually manages a small grin. “She’s nice.”

Jared rolls his eyes. “If you say so.” There’s a huge rush of relief inside of him when he realizes Jensen’s actually okay and not totally freaking out about all of this. “Do you have to go back to Austin tonight?”

“Why?”

“Well, if you could just wait a couple of hours until everyone goes to bed, I could come meet you somewhere.”

Jensen nods. “Name the place.”

********  
“You know, when you said we could go somewhere, I envisioned someplace with heat.” Jensen zips up his jacket and follows Jared out onto the dock of the lake. 

“Oh, shut up. We spend most of our time in fucking Canada. This isn’t cold.” He shines the flashlight in front of them, but it isn’t really necessary. The moon is almost full and bright enough to easily see by. 

They get to the boat and Jensen smiles at it. It’s tiny, barely big enough for two people, just meant to get around this small lake so a person can fish. 

“Wanna float a little?”

“Whose boat is this?”

“Friend of my parent’s. They live about a mile up the road. They’ll never know.”

Jensen climbs in, and Jared follows, leaning out to untie the rope holding it to the dock. One big push with his arms is all it takes to get them moving, though there are oars if he wants them. 

After a few seconds of trying to get comfortable, they find themselves lying on their backs, feet propped up on opposite ends, heads resting together in the center of the boat. 

“There are a million stars here. I miss it,” Jensen murmurs.

“Me too.”

Jensen is right. The sky is clear, and even with the brightness of the moon, they are far enough out in the country to see thousands of stars dancing across the sky. It feels like they have an audience, a gorgeous one that actually approves of them. 

Even so, Jared likes the constellations of Jensen’s freckles better. 

“This summer, we will make good on that promise to hang out on the water.”

Jared nods. “Fuck, yeah, we will,” he whispers. Neither of them mention the lost opportunity of last summer, and Jared’s happy to find that the pain of it doesn’t stab like it used to. Now it’s just a dull ache that goes away as soon as Jensen squirms a little, his head knocking into Jared’s. 

Jared turns and pushes his lips out, captures Jensen’s in a strange, upside down kiss. It’s more just resting their lips together than kissing, unable to really find a rhythm in this position, but it’s still nice. Comforting. 

“I guess we’ll find out when we get back if there’s a season three,” Jared sighs eventually, breaking their silence. 

Jensen shrugs. “There will be.”

“I know,” Jared agrees. “It’ will just be nice to get the official word.”

“What if we don’t?”

Jared turns his head and rubs his nose against Jensen’s. “Then we run away together. Find some tropical island to retire on.”

“Sounds good to me. Grow old on the beach, beer in hand, watching you swim naked on our private beach…”

Jared hums a low note of satisfaction. “Let’s do that even if we get picked up for another season. Who needs a television show?”

Jensen chuckles a little. 

The night goes still around them, too cold for the sounds of insects, no breeze to rustle the bare branches of the trees. It’s just the two of them, huddled in their jackets, cramped together in a tiny little boat on the water. 

“Merry Christmas, Jen,” he whispers.

“Merry Christmas, Jay.”

Back at their cars, they say goodbye. “I’ll see you in a couple of weeks,” Jared says sadly.

“Hey, it’s not like we won’t talk all the time.”

Jared doesn’t mean to act like a teenage girl, but he’s gotten to the point now where any amount of time away from Jensen is too much, makes him feel unsettled and restless. “I know.”

“Come here.”

Jensen pulls Jared into his arms and hugs him hard, hands eventually sliding down to his ass. “I’ll sure miss the hell out of this, though,” he says, squeezing hard.

“The second we get back to Vancouver, you can do whatever you want to it.”

“Promise?”

Jared nods. “Promise.”

Later, when Jared sneaks into the house, Megan is waiting in the living room, reading a book. 

“Hey. Sorry if I was...too blunt earlier.”

Jared shakes his head and walks over to drop a kiss to her forehead. “It’s fine.”

“Then, how about I make some coffee and you tell me all about him. He’s really hot,” she giggles.

“I’d love that,” he grins. “And yes. He is.”


	18. Chapter 18

It’s too early, but Jared’s awake anyway. His muscles are stiff in that _slept so good and deep there wasn’t a single movement all night_ way, and he needs to stretch the aches out and move around. 

So he bends, and curls his body right into Jensen’s. He doesn’t move or say anything, not really, but Jared knows he’s awake now too, and he feels a little guilty at having cost him the next hour or so of sleep before the alarm goes off. 

He’ll just have to make it up to him. 

Without a word, he cuddles up to Jensen’s back, slides his hands over the broad muscles there, walks his fingers down the dip of Jensen’s spine. Jensen sighs a little and squirms, urging him on when his hands reach the dip just above his ass. Jared grins and slides his hands over Jensen’s hips instead, curling his fingers into the bones there. 

“Mornin’,” he whispers, kissing at Jensen’s neck. 

“Mmm,” Jensen answers, pushing back against Jared even more. 

Jared’s cock swells as an answer, but he ignores the ache in favor of wrapping his arm around Jensen and feeling every inch of his chest and stomach as thoroughly as his back. 

When he gets to the trail of hair below Jensen’s belly button, he can feel the head of his hard cock brushing his knuckles, asking to be touched. He wraps his fingers around it and gently squeezes, strokes one long, slow motion. It’s as lazy as the sun out the window, as the soft light trying to rise through the winter morning. He almost dozes back to sleep with his hand on Jensen, thumb circling over the head, fingertips wandering down to his balls every now and then. 

Eventually, Jensen groans and turns, rolling to his stomach so that Jared has to let go, but turning his head so they can really kiss, neither of them minding the sleep-sour breath or the sweaty heat from being crowded under heavy blankets all night. Jared keeps his eyes open, looking at how long Jensen’s eyelashes are, at the freckles across his nose. 

He has to taste him. Really taste him. 

“Hey, Jen?” He throws a leg over him and wiggles down Jensen’s body until he is covering him, his cock pressed right against the hard muscle of Jensen’s ass. “You know what I wanna do?”

“What’s that?” 

They slide together for a moment, just savoring the feeling of skin on skin, of the way their bodies fit together. 

Jared leans down and plants a kiss just below Jensen’s ear, then leans up and talks to the back of his head. “I want to eat your ass.”

There’s a muffled groan from the pillow where Jensen buries his face, and he nods a little, whole body tensing. Jared grins at the fingers now curled into the sheets, then starts kissing his way down Jensen’s body, not pausing until he’s between Jensen’s legs, kissing at the swell of his ass. 

Jensen shivers a little at the touch of Jared’s hands on his thighs, goes rigid when Jared slides them up and gently pulls his cheeks apart. But he relaxes the second Jared dips his head, tongue fluttering lightly just over his hole. 

“Fuuucckkkk,” he grunts out, pulling his head out of the pillow to take a deep, gasping breath. 

Jared ignores the way that makes his cock jump and throb and focuses on what he really wants- to taste Jensen. To show him how good his can be. 

He swirls his tongue, edging around the sensitive skin there, tracing circles and patterns over his hole until Jensen is raising his hips a little, pushing back, silently asking for more. When he gets another low and long moan out of Jensen, he flattens his tongue and licks at him, broad strokes that make Jensen spread his legs a little wider and dig his knees into the bed. 

And finally, Jared points his tongue and starts to work it into Jensen. He sinks into him slowly, listening to each breath, paying attention to every movement, making sure that it’s as good for Jensen as it is for him, because _oh God_ is it good. It’s hot and intense and he’s so fucking close to Jensen right now, literally inside him. It makes his whole body shake.

“Roll over,” he manages. “Let me make you come.”

Jensen pushes up on his arms, forcing Jared to sit up, but he doesn’t roll over. He gets out of bed instead, and holds out his hand to Jared. “Not yet.”

Jared lets Jensen pull him up, foreheads bumping as they wrap their arms around each other. 

“What do you want?” Jared asks, ready and willing to do just about anything Jensen asks of him.

“I wanna fuck you in the shower.”

Yeah. Jared can handle that.

Later, Jared’s hair is still wet as he fixes coffee in his tiny kitchen, putting exactly the right amount of cream in Jensen’s mug before drinking his own, filled with sugar.   
Jensen comes in buttoning up the shirt he was wearing yesterday, hiding all that skin and muscle away until the next time they’re alone. 

“You want breakfast?” Jared asks. “I’ve got some bacon and eggs.”

“No,” Jensen says, taking a drink of the coffee. “I should probably get going before your driver gets here.”

They never show up or leave work together. Too dangerous. When their cars show up, they will be waiting, alone in their own homes.

“You know, maybe we should cut down to one driver. Pick one of us up, then get the other on the way? It makes more sense, and we’d get to hang out a little.”

“Maybe,” Jensen shrugs. 

There’s something a little strange about the way Jensen isn’t sitting down, the way he’s hovering at the counter. 

“You okay?” Jared asks. 

“Yeah. I just. I should get home. Don’t wanna be late.”

There’s still something off, but when he comes around the counter and kisses Jared goodbye, it’s long and sweet, nothing abnormal about it, so Jared pushes the thought out of his mind.

Jared smiles when he pulls away. “Later.”

Jensen just grabs his key and heads out the door. 

********

Jensen’s smothering him on set, and it takes Jared all of five minutes to figure out what’s wrong with him once they're there. It’s hard to hide his own smile as they get ready to film the "big scene:, the part of the finale where Sam dies, spine cut in half, with Dean there holding him. 

Jensen doesn’t want to do it. He’s quiet and grumpy, putting himself between Jared and anyone else who gets close, even the director and the crew. In fact, he’s downright surly, and the worse it gets, the more Jared wants to laugh and pull him into a big hug. 

“You don’t have to do that,” he whispers when they get a second to breathe while the cameras get set. 

“Do what?”

“Be all protective of me. You know I’m not Sam, right? None of this is real?”

Jensen’s shoulders sag. “Feels real.”

“I’m right here. And I’m totally fine.”

“I know.” But he doesn’t relax, and Jared decides to just leave him alone and get them both through this the best they can. 

Jim wanders over and claps them both on the shoulder. “You ready, boys?”

“Yep,” Jared nods. “But all I have to do today is fall.”

Jim laughs. “Makes up for the fight scene you shot yesterday. Looked pretty brutal.”

“Was it?” Jensen asks, sounding worried. 

Jared can’t very well say _no, I would have told you if it was and you would have seen the bruises_ in front of Jim, so he just shrugs. “Nah. Wasn’t nearly as bad as it looked.”

“We should go grab dinner when we’re all done here today. Celebrate the end of the season?”

“I’m in,” Jared agrees, “as long as there’s alcohol.”

“Of course,” Jim replies with a laugh. “What about you?”

Jensen nods. “Sure.” 

“Good.”

Jared and Jim chat a little more while Jensen glares at the floor, silently doing whatever it is he does to prepare himself. 

And then it’s time. 

It takes a while to get all the shots the director wants, but it goes smoothly. Jared wants to open his eyes while Jensen is holding him and screaming Sam’s name, wants to see all the emotion in his face. Jensen is so fucking good in scenes like this, can access this whole other part of himself, and Jared loves to watch that. But he manages to stay limp, to let his body thud into Jensen’s, fake blood smearing everywhere. 

When they call it a wrap, Jensen’s gone almost instantly. He tells Jared he’ll meet them at the restaurant and just disappears. Jared tries not to worry as he heads to his own trailer to shower and change. He just needs his space, just needs time to calm down. 

And Jared gets it. He knows how emotional those scenes can get, and Sam actually fucking died. They have some harder scenes still left to get through, and if it was the other way around, if he had to hold onto Jensen’s body, if he had to make Sam suffer through Dean’s death, he knows he wouldn’t be handling it any better than Jensen is. 

He’ll just have to spend the night at Jensen’s and make him feel better.

Meanwhile, they have a dinner to go to. 

“Where’s Jensen?” Jim asks, settling into his chair and opening up the menu.

“On his way, I hope. He said he’d meet us here,” Jared tells him, then changes the subject. 

Jim is as hilarious as ever, and they’re both laughing there asses off over their beers when Jared gets a text message from Jensen. 

**_*Meet me in the bathroom.*_ **

**_*What? Why?*_ **

**_*Just do it. Please*_ **

Jared finishes his drink in one swallow. “Restroom,” he says. “I’ll be right back.”

The restrooms are down a hallway in the back of the restaurant, quiet and secluded. The second Jared touches the handle of the door, it’s being pulled open, and Jensen drags him into the single stall room and locks the door behind him.

“What the hell?” Jared asks, completely baffled as to what the fuck is going on.

Jensen drops to his knees without a word and starts working Jared’s blue jeans open.

“Jensen.” He grabs his hands to stop, to force him to look up. “What are you doing?”

Jensen stares, eyes filling with tears that don’t get a chance to fall until he blinks them away. “I just. I need to touch you. Please, you have to let me.” He slides one hand up Jared’s stomach, over his chest until it rests right over his heartbeat. “That scene. And you were just so still…” He shakes his head as if to clear it, curls his fingers into Jared’s shirt. “You have to let me touch you.”

Jared’s heart hurts, breaks and shatters at the sight of Jensen like this, desperate and sad and upset. He nods, giving Jensen what he wants. Anything to make him feel better. 

Jensen’s hands are rough and warm, moving quickly, yanking Jared’s pants and boxers down just enough to get his cock free. 

Jared’s half-hard already, and Jensen staring at him gets him the rest of the way there. There’s so much longing in Jensen’s face, so much relief when he leans forward and plants a kiss on Jared’s thigh. 

He’s trembling. 

“Hey,” Jared says, trying his best to be calm. “I’m right here.”

Jensen nods and swallows, then leans forward, presses his whole face into Jared, lips sliding over the head of his cock. He doesn’t move slow, sucking Jared into his mouth with a loud, wet sound. He swallows, sucking harder and swirling his tongue around, pressing it against the sensitive underside. 

Jared lurches forward, one hand grabbing at Jensen’s hair and the other covering his own mouth to stifle his groan. One more suck of Jensen’s lips and he falls back against the cold bathroom wall. When he opens his eyes, he can see them in the mirror, his own cheeks flushed, upper body fully clothed, lower body hidden by the back of Jensen’s head, bobbing up and down. 

He feels himself swell even more, feels his balls tighten. 

“Come on,” Jensen coaxes. “Come for me, Jay. I need it.”

That’s all Jared needs to hear, and he’s spilling into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen swallows him down like it’s nectar, like it’s water in the desert, and Jared watches those full lips wring every little bit of pleasure out of him before he closes his eyes and lets out the breath he’s been holding. 

“Jesus Christ, Jensen.”

Jensen stands up, puts Jared clothes back in place for him before he meets his eyes. 

“Sorry.”

“For what?” Jared asks.

“For that. That was a little…”

“It’s okay.” Jared lifts Jensen’s chin and kisses him. “It’s all okay.”

Jensen nods, eyes already a little brighter, shoulders already a little more relaxed. “Okay,” he repeats. 

“I’ll go out first,” Jared tells him, and kisses him one last time before heading back to the table. 

All through dinner, Jared thinks about what he wants to say, what he needs to say to reassure Jensen. But the more he thinks about the whole situation, the more worried he gets about how weird the whole thing is, until he’s certain he’s as bad as Jensen was. By the time he’s letting himself into Jensen’s hotel suite, he’s a nervous, jittery mess.

“You okay?” Jensen asks immediately, standing up from the couch and muting the television. 

“You can’t just do that!” Jared blurts out. 

“Do what?” Jensen frowns, then bows his head. “I told you I was sorry about the bathroom thing. I know that crossed a line, and-”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. You can’t just get all emotional like that.”

“Wait. What?” Jensen’s expression is legitimately confused. 

“I can’t...I don’t know how to handle that. I’m the one who gets emotional, I’m the one who has mood swings, and you can’t just get all needy like that without warning me first. It...it makes me feel…”

“Makes you feel what?” Jensen asks. 

“Unsettled, I guess.” He sounds like a baby, but he can’t help it. This whole thing has confused the hell out of me. “Why’d you even get like that? We’ve done hard scenes before, and it was never like that.”

Jensen steps forward, gets close. “I don’t know. This time was different. It just scared me.”

“Why?”

Jensen takes a deep breath and says the next words like they’re an accusation. “It scares me how in love with you I am. It scares me that I couldn’t read that script without almost having a panic attack. It’s all just...a lot.”

“Well. It scares me when you get scared.”

Jensen snorts a laugh, breaking the tension. “We’re a fuckin’ mess.”

“Yep.”

“So then, what do we do?”

Jared just shrugs his shoulders. 

“Come on,” Jensen finally says. “I guess we just go to bed.”

They tangle themselves up in each other as much as they can in Jensen’s big bed, holding on for dear life. 

Jared lies awake for a while, thinking about the day they’ve had and what Jensen said. 

Jared is just as in love with Jensen. Overwhelmingly and consumingly in love. 

And yeah. That’s pretty scary.


	19. Chapter 19

The women conducting the interview are sweet, adorably nervous with their little digital camera and notepads. Jared watches as they fidget, lean a little closer to each other when he and Jensen approach.

“Thank you so much for talking to us,” the shortest one says, messy hair curling around her face as she attempts to push it behind her ear. “We are such huge fans!”

“No problem…” Jensen grins, prompting her for her name. 

“Emily. I’m Emily. And this is Kara.”

Kara is quieter, blinking shyly through dark eyelashes, her nerves silencing her instead of giving her Emily’s extra energy. 

“Nice to meet you.” Jensen holds out his hand and they both shake it a little clumsily. 

Jared grins and gestures behind him at the large building. “They’re already tearing down the set or we’d give you a tour.”

“That’s okay,” Emily chirps. “Does that mean that you’re done filming for the season?”

“Yep. Heading back home tomorrow, actually.” The four of them walk to a small group of tables sitting in front of a food truck that frequents the set, most of them filled with the crew as they all break for lunch before continuing to break everything down. 

Jared notices that they’re all watching closely, that everyone gets a little quieter as the women sit down and pull out their list of questions. 

“So again, thanks for doing this. We’ve been hanging around set for a couple of months now hoping that we could get some time with you for our blog.”

Jensen smiles. “Sorry, we don’t always have time to do this kind of stuff while we’re on set. But we checked out your blog.”

“It’s really great,” Jared chimes in. And he means it. The blog is a fan site, but it’s really thorough, with message boards for every episode, posts about any and all press, a place where any fan of the show could find just about anything they wanted. 

“Thanks,” Kara says, speaking for the first time and looking a little relieved that she finally said something. Jared watches her stare at Jensen and tries not to smile. He understands her starstruck feeling. 

The two women bounce questions back and forth, most of them mundane and typical. Jared gives his normal answers, tries to be a little more enthusiastic and a little more detailed when telling stories he knows they must have heard before. They hang on every word, writing down their own notes despite recording the conversation. 

About halfway through the interview, the topic changes from the episodes and characters to the technical side. “So, do either of you have plans to become more involved in the production of the show?” Emily asks.

“A lot of television actors end up directing on their shows,” Kara adds. 

“I’d love to do that.” Jensen lights up. Jared doubts that either of them notice a change, because he’s so good at playing the part, but this is the first time in the conversation Jensen’s seemed like he was truly excited, rather than just polite and professional. He talks for a while about the challenge of directing, rambling on about creating something behind the camera as well as in front, and Jared can’t take his eyes off him. Neither can Emily and Kara. 

“One last topic,” Emily says, and the two women glance at each other nervously, like they are daring the other one to ask the question. 

“Uh-oh,” Jared teases. “Is it personal?”

“Sort of?” Emily sets down her pen. “We were just really curious- and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to- but we were curious if you’d read any of the fan fiction?”

Jared laughs. “And here I thought you were going to bring up that time Jensen got arrested for streaking.”

Kara’s eyes go wide and Jensen instantly rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Never happened,” he assures her. “But no, I honestly haven’t come across any of it.”

“Me neither,” Jared tells them. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

“That’s a shame. We were really curious to get your opinion about the Wincest.”

“The what?” Jensen’s frowning, never comfortable with anything about the show that he isn’t in control of. 

“Well, there’s a large group of fans who write about the relationship between Sam and Dean, only they see it as...well, romantic. Like Sam and Dean together.”

Jared and Jensen both gape at her. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“No,” Jared tells her as the initial surprise wears off. “It’s fine. Just...why? Why do people write about that?”

Kara is the one that speaks this time, and Jared suspects that she is exactly the kind of fan they’re talking about. “Well, because Sam and Dean are just close, you know? And they have all these moments where they look at each other like they’re two seconds away from making out. Plus, don’t you think it would kind of make sense? The two of them, on the road together, only able to depend on each other? I mean, the show itself talks about how codependent they are.”

It’s the most she’s spoken since they’ve sat down, and Jared has to stop himself from laughing. “Well, hey. If they see something worth writing about, that’s awesome. But I gotta tell you, it’s not really part of the show. They’re brothers. Nothing else.”

Jensen nods, shifting in his seat like he’d like this interview to end. 

“Got it,” Emily smiles. “Then can I ask the obvious question all of your fans want to know? Are you two single? Dating anyone?”

For just one second, Jared’s thrown off guard. He can’t say that he’s taken, but there’s a stabbing feeling in his gut at the thought of lying. 

“Oh, we’re not gonna answer that,” Jensen says with a wink. “Why destroy our mystery?”

“Hey guys?” Jake, one of the set crew who’s been eavesdropping on this interview, interrupts. “They just called for you in Jensen’s trailer. Phone call with the studio or something.”

Jared breathes a sigh of relief even as he frowns at Jake, because he knows he’s lying. Jensen’s saying his goodbyes and thank yous to the women, but Jared keeps eye contact with Jake, raising his eyebrows. 

Jake only winks at him and mouths “You’re welcome.”

He knows. 

Oh, fuck. _He knows_. 

Jared glances around, barely able to force a smile for the bloggers as they say goodbye and gather their things. The entire crew is watching them, hovering, and it’s because they know. And they’ve been hovering just in case they needed to be rescued. 

Not that they need to be rescued. They do press all the time, the majority of it off set where the crew can’t intervene. It’s more a show of support than anything. 

A show of support. For him and Jensen being together.

Jared has to blink away tears all the way to Jensen’s trailer.  
   
********  
   
“I can’t believe they know,” Jensen says. Again. He’s been repeating it like a broken record since Jared told him. 

Jared pokes at the ground beef in the skillet with a spatula, then reaches for the taco seasoning and dumps it in. They’ve decided to stay in for their last night in Vancouver before hiatus. Jensen is pulling out toppings, piling tomatoes, shredded lettuce, cheese, salsa, and sour cream on Jared’s small kitchen counter while Jared cooks the meat. 

“The shells need to be heated up too,” he comments. 

Jensen puts his hands on Jared’s hips as he passes him in the tiny area, plants a kiss on the back of Jared’s neck. “They know.”

“Yes,” Jared grins. “So you’ve said. A thousand times.”

Jensen bangs around as he opens the shells and spreads them on a cookie sheet, then nudges Jared out of the way to pop them in the oven. “They’ll be warm in just a couple of minutes.”

Jared nods.

“Do you think everyone knows?”

Jared shrugs. “If no one has said anything, does it matter?”

“I guess not. Just.”

Jared peers at Jensen, trying to figure out if this is just a surprise, or if it actually bothers him. Because Jared can’t go through Jensen freaking out and breaking up with him. Not again.

When Jensen looks at him, though, there’s no fear. There’s just...sadness?

“What is it?” Jared asks, setting down the spatula and turning so they’re fully facing each other. 

Jensen licks his lips and runs a hand through his hair, then surprises Jared by stepping forward and pulling him into a hug, their foreheads pressed together. 

“It’s just that...do you ever wish _everyone_ knew? Do you wish we could talk about it with them? I know we said we’d keep this a secret for a lot of reasons. But do you ever wish we didn’t have to?”

“Do _you_ want to tell people?”

“No. I don’t think we’re ready for that. Do you?”

“Not if you don’t,” Jared replies honestly.

“I just. It would be nice to kiss you on the red carpet sometime. Or to tell those girls today that I am definitely not single.”

“Yeah,” Jared smiles, running his hands up and down Jensen’s back. 

Jensen leans in, presses their lips together gently. “I don’t like not being able to reach out and touch you whenever I want. I don’t like not being able to talk about you to my friends. To my family.”

Jared tightens his hold. “You can touch me now.”

Jensen kisses him again, slower this time, tongue running over Jared’s bottom lip before sliding into his mouth. Jared sighs into it when Jensen’s hands slide down and grab his ass. “Yeah, I can.”

Jared turns around in Jensen’s arms, switches the stovetop and the oven off as Jensen slides his hand down Jared’s chest from behind, pushes his way into Jared’s jeans to brush over his cock. 

The bedroom is only a few steps away, but neither of them make a move toward it. There’s no need, and they are too caught up in each other to really think too much about it. Jared groans and pushes his hips into Jensen’s hand, then clumsily turns back around, needing to get at his mouth again. 

Jensen kisses him fiercely, possessively, hands everywhere, pushing Jared down to the floor and stretching out on top of him. “Want to just fucking tell everyone.”

“Tell them what?” Jared asks, just wanting to hear Jensen say the words. 

“Want to tell them that you’re mine.”

Jared shivers on the cold kitchen floor, leans up into the hard warmth of Jensen’s body. 

Jensen groans as he kisses his way down Jared’s neck, hips bucking. “God, this is just...so…”

“I know,” Jared murmurs.

It’s too much, this thing between them. They shouldn’t have fallen into this so easily, shouldn’t have gotten in over their heads. Yet here they are, and neither of them are going anywhere. And the physical side of all this is just as strong as the emotional. Jared can’t think when Jensen’s got his mouth on him, can’t form a coherent sentence sometimes just looking at him. It feels too good to have him here, pressing Jared down into the floor, pulling on his clothes until he’s completely naked. 

And it feels even better when Jensen strips off his own clothes so that they’re just skin on skin. Jensen traps Jared’s wrists above his head and holds them there while he thrusts, rubbing their cocks together, rutting against him hungrily. 

“There’s lube in my jeans pocket,” Jared tells him. 

Jensen lifts up and looks at him with surprised humor. “Really? Why?”

Jared shrugs and hooks his legs around Jensen’s hips. “Because you never know what might happen. Especially after the restaurant bathroom.”

Jensen grins and reaches for Jared’s pants, pulls out the tiny bottle. “No condom, though. Bedroom?”

Jared shakes his head, stares right up into those green eyes, and says “No.”

“But…”

“It’s okay. If it’s okay with you.”

Jensen blinks down at him for a second, then slowly nods, leans down to give Jared one sweet, soft kiss. “It’s okay with me.”

Jared’s whole body tingles at that, at the thought of Jensen inside of him with nothing separating them, nothing keeping their bodies from feeling each other. And Jensen must be excited about it, too, because his fingers are a little less graceful than usual as he fumbles the lube open and drizzles some over his hand. 

Jared’s legs spread naturally for Jensen as he wraps his slick fingers around Jared’s cock, stroking slowly a couple of times before moving lower, fingers rubbing over Jared’s hole. Jared’s hips rock up, trying to take his fingers in, but Jensen won’t be hurried. As he teases with his hand, he leans back down, kisses across Jared’s chest and sucks a nipple into his mouth. Jared arches into him as the electricity shoots down his spine, sweat forming on his skin, cold floor beneath him totally forgotten. 

“‘Course,” Jensen mumbles, licking his way back up to Jared’s neck, “there are some things I don’t want to tell. Things that are just mine.”

“Like what?”

“Like the way you sound when I do this.”

He eases two fingers into Jared, pushing slowly but steadily, crooking them up into the spot that makes Jared’s mouth fly open in a shout. 

“Yeah,” Jensen smiles. “That’s just for me.”

“It’s all just for you,” Jared moans.

Jensen opens him up quickly, efficiently, then slicks up his own cock. The tension between them is palpable now, the desire and the need flowing like the air they’re breathing. Jared still hasn’t managed to form a complete thought other than _JensenJensenJensen_ , and as Jensen leans down and kisses him, he realizes he’s been chanting it out loud. 

And then Jensen braces himself and pushes in.

Holy fuck, he’s hot, like a furnace inside of Jared, throbbing and burning him from the inside out. Jared watches as Jensen struggles to keep his eyes open. He grits his teeth, his whole body tenses, his arm muscles start shaking, and Jared knows he’s struggling, too. 

For a few moments, Jensen doesn’t move. They just lie there, bodies connected, feeling each other totally bare, nothing between them. 

“It’s all just for you,” Jared tells him again. He’s so high with all of this, so lost on the scent of Jensen’s skin and the feel of his breath washing over him, that he just starts talking, spilling out every word that comes into his mind. “Take what you want. Fuck me however you want. Tell whoever you want. It’s all yours.”

Jensen groans, buries his head in Jared’s neck, and starts to move. It’s a slick grind at first, Jensen barely pulling out of him before thrusting back in, angled so that he nudges Jared’s prostate with each motion. 

And Jared feels so full. It’s not like they’ve never done this before, but he can’t stop thinking about how bare Jensen is, can’t stop clenching around him and feeling every inch, buried so deep. 

It doesn’t take long for Jensen to find a faster pace, to start thrusting in earnest, to move hard enough that Jared can hear their hips smacking through their groans. Jared clings to him, digs his fingers into his shoulders, lets them scratch their way down Jensen’s back. He doesn’t care if he leaves marks. Jensen doesn’t seem to mind either, and just makes a broken sound against Jared’s ear and keeps pushing. 

Around the time that Jared feels like he’s going to explode if Jensen doesn’t give him some relief, Jensen starts to move faster, slamming into Jared until he’s seeing stars.

“Come with me,” Jensen growls.

It’s all the encouragement Jared needs, and he’s pulsing his orgasm between them as soon as Jensen finishes the sentence. It curls his toes, arches his back, tenses all his muscles as he clings to Jensen. 

And oh, God he can feel Jensen spilling into him, can feel the wet heat of him as he comes. Jared squeezes himself around Jensen and drags it out. He wants to be just like this, Jensen inside of him, for as long as he can. 

Jensen takes longer than usual to catch his breath, kisses Jared a few minutes longer than he usually does. Jared doesn’t mind. 

“Dinner’s probably cold,” Jared says eventually.

“We’ll heat it up,” Jensen says. “As soon as we take a shower. Come on.”

Carefully. Jensen stands up and stretches, muscles rippling everywhere. He grins when Jared stands up slowly, kissing his way up Jensen’s chest as he rises.

But Jared doesn’t move when Jensen tries to pull him out of the kitchen. “It’s okay that we aren’t telling anyone. You know that, right? That we aren’t doing anything wrong? And that I’m okay with keeping it just between us?”

“I know,” Jensen nods. “But if the crew knows...it just feels kinda nice that they know. That they support it.”

“Yeah,” Jared grins. “It does.”

“Maybe the rest of the world will know someday.”

“Someday.”

Jensen leans forward and leans against his chest so Jared can wrap his arms around him. “God, I love you.”

And those words are all Jared needs to hear to know that they are right where they need to be.


	20. Chapter 20

“I miss you.” Jared wiggles deeper under the covers of his childhood bed, curling his legs up to keep his feet from hanging off. He balances the cell phone on the side of his head and gets comfortable. 

“It’s only been a couple of weeks,” Jensen answers. “Have some pride, man.”

Jared snorts a laugh. “Says the guy who sent me fourteen texts the other day detailing his trip to the grocery store.”

Jensen laughs a little too, a deep chuckle that makes Jared’s smile last. “I miss you, too.”

“Only two more days until we’re together in Austin.”

“What did you tell your family?” Jensen still sounds a little uneasy about the whole thing, but Jared knows he’ll be waiting two days from now, just as desperate as he is for them to see each other.

“I told them that we were gonna take the weekend to look over the scripts we got for next season. You?”

“I told them we had some show stuff to do. No one asked about the specifics,” Jensen tells him. 

“Good. Three whole days to ourselves, then.”

“Yep.”

The silence stretches between them, comfortable and easy. Truthfully, there’s not much to talk about. They’ve both been home, in their own separate little corners of Texas, for a couple of weeks, just hanging out with their families. Not a whole lot to report. And they’ve talked on the phone every single night, just wanting to say hi and hear each other’s voices. 

“What are you wearing?” Jared grins. 

“Oh my _God_.” Jensen’s eye roll is as loud as his actual words, and Jared laughs at the mental image of it. “I’m wearing nothing,” he continues, in that same deadpan voice. “I’m in my childhood bed, talking to my secret boyfriend, wearing absolutely nothing. Go to sleep with that image in your brain.”

Despite knowing Jensen’s lying, just kidding, but his body reacts to the words anyway, and he shifts his hips a little. “I’m not wearing anything either,” he tells him.

“Liar.”

They go silent again, but this time it’s electric, charged with all the kisses and touches they haven’t had over the last couple of weeks. 

“Jay, we can’t do this now,” Jensen says, voice almost mournful. “We can wait two days.”

“We can too,” Jared insists. “Just be quiet.”

“And what could we do exactly?” He already sounds just on the verge of being out of breath, and Jared isn’t far behind. 

“You could tell me exactly what you miss about me,” Jared prompts, hand sliding down his bare chest toward the hem of his sweatpants. 

“I miss your mouth. Miss waking up to it touching me.”

Jared does have a habit of waking Jensen up with kisses. Some sweet and innocent, some not so innocent. “I miss that, too.”

“And I miss your hands. What are your hands doing right now?”

“Palming myself,” Jared answers. This time he’s not lying. 

“Wish I could see it,” Jensen murmurs. “Bet you look like total sin in that tiny bed, posters on the wall above it, long legs spread…like a fucking teenage wet dream.”

Jared rolls to his back, slips one hand beneath his sweatpants and into his boxers to wrap his hand around himself. “You had wet dreams about guys when you were a teenager?”

“If I had known _you_ then? I probably would have.”

Jared whimpers into the phone, stroking himself slowly, and waits for Jensen to keep talking. Waits for Jensen to get him trembling and making a sticky mess out of his old sheets.

********

The first morning they’re in Austin, they go straight for the hotel room and don’t leave it all day. 

The door is barely closed and their bags are still hitting the floor when their arms are pulling at each other, gripping in a tight hug. Jared buries his face in Jensen’s neck and takes a deep breath, feels tension he didn’t even know he was carrying melt away. 

“Hi,” he mumbles.

“Hey,” Jensen answers, a smile in his voice as he tightens his hold. 

When they finally manage to pull apart, they’re moving to the bedroom, mouths meeting as they fall into the bed. 

They kiss and touch and undress each other, mouths everywhere, sweat building, every movement a little more desperate than usual, like they’ve been apart for years instead of days. Jared smiles up at Jensen, watches as he lubes himself up. When he reaches up to touch Jensen’s face, Jensen just turns his head to kiss his palm, lines himself up, and pushes himself into Jared. 

They only come up for air to get a room service lunch. It’s dinner time when they finally feel satisfied enough to get out of bed and shower. Jared grins when Jensen grabs him with soapy hands and washes his body, massaging every muscle he touches. 

And the night is as perfect as the day. They go to a small restaurant, one where Jensen clearly made a reservation days in advance, with low, warm lighting and small tables that force their legs to practically intertwine under the white tablecloth. 

They grin at each other as they talk, shy and soft little smiles because this is exactly the way this should always be. 

“Oh,” Jared says suddenly, remembering something he’s been saving to tell Jensen in person. “You remember how those girls asked us about Wincest?”

Jensen snorts. “Yeah.”

“Well, I did some research. Dude. You’ve gotta see some of this stuff.”

“Crazy?”

“I just didn’t know how popular it was. These fans are...dedicated.”

Jensen laughs. “I don’t think I want to see it. It’s a little weird to be reading about a character I play, let alone read about him fucking his brother.”

Jared lowers his voice and leans in, carefully watching Jensen’s reaction to the rest of what he has to tell him. “I also found a blog about you and me. Not the characters.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow. “Like, fan fiction about us?”

“Some of it,” Jared nods. “But some of it is just people talking about how they think we’re a real couple. They’ve analyzed everything we’ve ever said and done in front of a camera or in print. Some of it's bullshit, some of it's a little close to home.”

Jensen frowns. “Is this something we should be worried about?”

“I don’t think so. It’s not that big of a blog. Not only that, but some of it is so out there, it’s enough for the average person to blow the rest of it off.”

Jensen relaxes. “What part did they get right?”

Jared grins. “The part where we’re in love.”

Jensen actually blushes, and Jared’s heart swells at the color in his cheeks. 

When the meal is over, Jensen orders dessert to go, and as they stand up to leave it’s hard for Jared not to reach for his hand, not to act like the couple they are. 

“Back to the hotel?” Jensen asks once they’re out on the street. 

“You sure? There’s lots to do around here.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. We can go out tomorrow.”

It’s Jared’s turn to blush at the heat in Jensen’s voice. 

“To the hotel, then.”

Again, they’re all hands the second they’re alone, but they take their time now, not moving with the urgent passion they had that morning. Instead, they make out on the couch in their suite until their lips are numb. 

Jensen reaches for the dessert he dropped on the small coffee table and opens it up, revealing a huge piece of chocolate cake, a decadent layer of almost liquid chocolate fudge spilling out from the middle, and a large strawberry with chocolate sauce drizzled over it. Jared’s mouth is already watering, but he practically drools when Jensen picks up the strawberry and bites into it, those ridiculously sexy lips wrapping around the point and sinking in, sucking a little. When he pulls the berry away, his lips are stained just a shade redder than usual. 

Jared doesn’t think twice about taking his own bite of the strawberry when Jensen offers it, staring into his eyes as the sweet flavor hits his tongue. 

“We don’t have a fork for the cake,” Jensen smirks.

“Don’t need one.”

Jared uses his fingers to break off a crumbly bite, get some of the fudge on it, and hold it out. When Jensen takes it, he slides his lips down Jared’s fingers much farther than necessary, using his teeth to scrape every bit of chocolate off before he swallows, eyes closing at the taste before he sucks Jared’s fingers totally clean. 

“That is delicious,” he moans. 

They feed each other bites that way for a few minutes, until Jensen gets tired of it and smears some of the chocolate on Jared’s lips, kissing and sucking it off. That’s all Jared can take, and he strips his shirt off, watches Jensen do the same before he stands up and shrugs out of his pants. 

There’s no need to talk in these moments, but as Jensen stands to get rid of his own clothes, Jared realizes they _are_ talking. Their eyes drift over skin and muscle, their breath changes, they push and pull against each other with some invisible force between them, and they are most certainly saying all kinds of things. 

Jensen sits back down, cock hard, leaning against his lower stomach as he strokes it, waiting to see what Jared’s going to do. 

Jared just slides into Jared’s lap, spreading long legs over his hips and wrapping his arms around Jensen’s neck. He’s already loose and open from the day they’ve had, so Jensen lets him slick up his cock with spit and just sink right down. 

“Jen,” he moans, dropping his head down on Jensen’s shoulder.

“I got you,” Jensen whispers, and grabs Jared’s hips. He guides them in a rocking motion, creating an easy friction that creates a simmering heat inside of Jared as he just hangs on. 

They just grind together like that for a while, mouths eventually finding each other, hands grabbing at hair and hips and anything they can reach, worshipping each other the way they want to, the way they always do. 

And when they come, it’s not a hard, overwhelming feeling. This time it’s a slow ocean current, wave after wave of pleasure that builds until they are pulsing together, strong and steady.

“Two weeks apart is too long,” Jared whispers as they force themselves to get up long enough to clean themselves and get in bed. 

“Agreed,” Jensen whispers back. 

********

The next day is full of city adventures. They get up early and have breakfast at a cute little bakery. They shop, buying new sunglasses for Jared and a couple new guitar accessories for Jensen. They check out a local art shop and admire the metalwork of the owner. They walk around a large park and buy lunch from a food truck, then explore the tiny carnival happening under the trees. 

It’s a perfect day. Jensen is relaxed, laughs easily, the seriousness he usually carries with him abandoned for the day. Jared feels light, grateful, staring up at the sun and letting it warm his skin as much as Jensen warms the rest of him. 

They get their dinner in carry out boxes and take it back to the hotel to spend the evening watching a movie, laughing at the raunchy comedy they choose, then curling up together on the couch in their softest sweats to watch the news, Jared’s head in Jensen’s lap. 

“Don’t get me wrong,” Jensen says, stroking his hair, “this weekend is awesome. But man, I am so sick of hotels. I don’t think I can stay in that suite in Vancouver anymore.”

Jared smiles up at him. “I know what you mean. My apartment is tiny enough to feel like a hotel room, and I feel like I’m suffocating there.”

Jensen swallows hard and stares at the television like he’s nervous about Jared’s reaction to his next statement. “I was thinking about getting a real place when we get back.”

Jared nods. “No reason not to at this point.”

“I...uh...was thinking you could. Well, that we could. You know.”

Jared sits up, gapes at Jensen as he processes what’s just been said. “You want to move in together?”

“Well, when you say it like that it sounds so...formal, but yeah. I guess that’s what I’m asking. It just makes sense, you know? We could get a big place with plenty of room for people to think we’re just roommates, co-workers who happen to live together out of convenience. And it would be financially better for us to share a mortgage instead of buying two places and always staying at one. Plus-”

Jared cuts him off with a kiss. “I’m convinced,” he mumbles against Jensen’s lips. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

That night, they don’t have sex. They just slide into the big comfortable bed and talk for a little while, making plans to look for houses, talking about what they want to do tomorrow, their last day in Austin. There’s something more intimate about their low voices in the dark room than the moans they usually make, something deeper and more powerful. When Jensen drifts off in the middle of their conversation, Jared just snuggles closer and lies awake for a while, just listening to Jensen’s steady heartbeat.

******** 

Jared wakes up first in the morning, like he always does. He slides quietly out of bed and grabs his laptop from the chair, heads over to the couch so he won’t wake Jensen, and checks his email. Then, with a smirk on his face, he looks for the blogs he’s found. Jensen will get a kick out of them when he wakes up. And maybe there are a couple of things in some of that Wincest fan fiction they ought to try themselves. 

The first post on the blog he found about the two of them and their real life is a new one, and it seems frantic, with a bunch of capital letters and exclamation points.   
   
 **_“THERE HAS BEEN A SIGHTING. ALERT: THE J’S HAVE BEEN SPOTTED TOGETHER.”_**  
   
Beneath the title, there are pictures of Jensen and himself, clearly taken in the park just the day before as they wandered around the makeshift carnival, followed by a small blog post.  
   
 _“Yesterday, Jared and Jensen spent the day in Austin, Texas. A fan of Supernatural spotted them in a local park and managed to snap several pictures of them enjoying their day out, which she posted on her own personal blog. I’m so glad I happened to come across it! We can assume by the shopping bags they’re carrying that they were together for at least most of the day, if not all. And look at that body language! Look at how Jared is leaning toward Jensen in the second picture. And in the fourth, we can see Jensen’s hand on the small of Jared’s back as they bend over a craft table to look at the merchandise. And that last picture? The way they are laughing together? Have you ever seen two people more in love? If there was ever any doubt in my mind that these two are a couple, it’s gone now. Spending that kind of quality time together during hiatus, looking at each other like they’re the only two people in the universe. I’m a believer in this real life love story!”_  
   
A million thoughts buzz through Jared’s brain as he stares at the screen. Who is this person who took these pictures? Normally, fans just come up and say hello, ask to get their picture taken with the two of them. Jared knows that more and more people are starting to recognize them now, but he’s never felt like he couldn’t go out in public without it being posted on the Internet for the world to see. 

And his blood runs cold at the analysis of the pictures. The blogger, whoever he or she is, is absolutely right in the assumptions that are made. Those pictures do look like a couple out for a romantic afternoon. 

Fuck. 

Maybe it’s not so bad. This is a small blog after all, and like he told Jensen, most of this shit is too ridiculous to be believed. 

He glances at the number of hits. The post has been up for only three hours, and it already has a little over a thousand hits. 

Fuck fuck fuck.

Despite his better judgment, he clicks on a few of the post’s comments. 

_“...knew they were together! This just proves it!...”_

_“So glad they could have this quality time together…”_

_“...wonder if the public will hear about their relationship soon…”_

This is beyond bad, isn’t it? No way to talk themselves out of it or deny those pictures. 

The only thing to do is ignore it and hope it doesn’t go any further than gossip on a tiny blog. It’s not as if the blogger knew they were staying at a hotel together, or that they had been out to dinner the night before. This is controllable, isn’t it?

“What are you looking at?”

Jared’s head snaps up to find Jensen sitting up in the middle of the bed, looking adorably disheveled as he yawns and stretches. 

He takes a breath and decides to ruin Jensen’s morning, if for no other reason than he isn’t sure he can keep this secret without it driving him crazy. “Come here. You need to see this.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little chapter before some serious smut!

“Fuck,” Jensen breathes. “Fuck.”

“I know,” Jared says. 

They’re hunched down in front of the laptop, staring at the blog, Jensen’s breath on Jared’s neck as he peers over his shoulder.

“This is bad,” Jensen mutters under his breath. 

Jared turns his head and finds himself too close to that perfect jaw, to those perfect lips. Now is not the time to kiss him, but that’s all he wants to do. 

Because he’s terrified. 

Jensen’s going to run. He’s going to panic, going to shut down, and he’s going to run. 

Jared’s heart starts hammering, his skin starts crawling, and his chest hurts with it, with the thought of Jensen leaving. He won’t survive it again. He won’t. He can’t let this happen.

“What do you think…” Jared can’t even finish the sentence, and he knows Jensen can hear the shaking in his voice. 

The weight of Jensen’s hand on the small of his back, gently rubbing, is a little comforting at least. It might just be an absent-minded thing, a habit Jensen isn’t even aware he’s doing, but it’s something. Something that says Jensen hasn’t left him yet. 

Jensen frowns. “How did they even get these? And post them so fast?”

“I guess we’re more recognizable than we thought,” Jared laments. 

Jensen runs a hand back and forth over his hair. “And you think people really sit around and talk about whether or not we’re fucking?”

“Apparently.”

“It’s just on this blog, right?” 

“As far as I know.” Jared is still a little numb, frozen in the thought of Jensen possibly freaking out and leaving.

“So it’s not like our families or anyone from work would see this unless they were specifically looking for it.”

Jared shrugs, trying to control the fear pulsing through him, bubbling up to the surface now. “Most likely.”

“Then I think we just lay low.” He sighs and stands up straight, stepping back from Jared and taking the security of his hand away. It moves from Jared’s back to cover his own jaw, rubbing nervously. “Maybe no one will ever see this. And we’ll just make sure not to give them any more material.”

There it is. Deny that anything is going on, and then give the whole thing up. Jared tenses, fear in his gut sitting heavy, making it hard for him to breathe. He can’t make himself look at Jensen. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jensen says, sensing Jared's emotions the way only he can. But it sounds like an afterthought, like the gears of his mind are still whirring and he’s not sure of what he’s saying. 

Jared gets up and turns around then, catches Jensen’s eye and holds it, his whole body shaking a little as his eyes start to well up. Jensen immediately softens, arms reaching for Jared and pulling him in.

“Hey,” he murmurs, warm and sweet. “ _I’m not going anywhere._ ” It sounds true this time. His hand snakes up into Jared’s hair, tugs just enough for him to feel it, to feel Jensen there, steady and solid.

He nods and buries his face in the bend of Jensen’s neck, willing his unshed tears to dry up. He swallows hard, then takes a deep breath, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s waist as he breathes him in, lets the scent of him soothe away his panic. They don’t move for a while, and Jensen doesn’t seem to mind. He doesn’t move away, doesn’t break the hug, just lets Jared cling to him. 

Eventually, Jared speaks, but he doesn’t move from Jensen’s neck. He speaks into his skin, right against his pulse. “What do you want to do?”

Jared hates when Jensen pulls back enough to look at him. There’s air between them now, and it just feels unacceptable. “Like I said, I want to lay low. I want to go back home to my family. We can handle the rest of hiatus apart, right?”

Jared frowns at him. “I guess. What happens when we get back to Vancouver?”

“Then we buy a house together.”

“Seriously? That’s laying low?”

“Probably not. But we’ll find a place close to work and stick to the roommate story. No one can deny that it makes more sense than what we’ve been doing. And hey, maybe none of them,” he gestures to the laptop, “will even find out. It’s not like we have fans staking out your apartment or my hotel now.”

“That’s true,” Jared nods.

Slowly, he starts to calm down, to take deep breaths and let the adrenaline ease out of his veins. Jensen isn’t leaving. Jensen isn’t leaving. Jensen isn’t leaving him. 

“These fans are serious, huh?” he smiles, looking back over at the screen. “You gotta admit, some of those pictures are pretty great. You look adorable in that first one.”

“I like the last one,” Jared tells him. “We look like a real couple.”

“That’s ‘cause we are.” When Jensen kisses him, Jared can’t help but wrap his whole body around him like an octopus, arms and legs curling and pushing him back toward the bed where they can lay down, where Jared can press his whole body against him and get as close as he wants. As close as physics will allow. 

Later, when Jared’s mouth is too numb to keep kissing, he runs a hand over Jensen’s jaw. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything,” Jensen says, not opening his eyes. 

“How are you so sure about us?”

Those green eyes flash open, a hint of worry in them. “What?”

Jared wiggles his hips against Jensen’s, snuggling closer. “It’s just...different. When we first started this whole thing and Kripke told us to calm down, you...you left.” They both cringe a little at that, not wanting to remember. “But now, it’s literally on the Internet for everyone to see, and you’re fine with it?”

It takes a minute to get his answer, but he wait patiently while Jensen gathers his thoughts. “The night I told you I was in love with you?”

“I remember,” Jared smiles.

“Well, I meant it. Really meant it. And when I finally admitted it to myself and told you, that was it. It’s been pretty easy since then to deal with all this shit, because I don’t really have another choice.”

Jared leans forward and plants a kiss to the hollow of his throat. “No choice?”

“Not being with you just isn’t an option now.” This time, he sounds a little nervous, but he relaxes when Jared nods. 

“I know exactly what you mean.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not a little freaked out by all this. We can’t even go out anymore?”

“I guess we’re just gonna have to assume someone is always taking pictures of us when we do.”

“Well, that sucks.” 

Jared nods. “It really does. And we’re just going to have to play up the whole 'bro' thing. Make that our thing.”

“We can do that. Maybe it’ll even get easy.”

“I don’t know,” Jared says. “I don’t know that it will ever get easy to not touch you.”

Jensen grins. “You can touch me _now_.”

Jared runs a hand up his thigh and does just that.

********

The rest of hiatus is long. 

Everything is good. They talk every day, have plenty of middle-of-the-night phone sex, and though they miss each other, they make it work. 

But the days seem to get longer as they get closer to heading back to Vancouver. Jared hangs out with his sister and brother, makes dinners with his mom, buys his dad a new boat for Father’s Day that the whole family takes out on the lake. 

But he still finds himself alone sometimes, strumming Free Falling on his guitar and missing the crinkle of Jensen’s eyes when he laughs. 

He stalks the blog regularly, but the post seems to run its course and get buried underneath new things. He even scours the internet for other sites like that one, but he doesn’t find anything that worries him. It seems to all be fine. 

Now if he could just get back to Vancouver. 

Back to Jensen.

“I want a back porch,” he tells him one night, snuggled under the covers with his phone balanced on his ear. They’re almost whispering, for no real reason other than it feels too late and dark to be talking loudly. “And a huge yard.”

“You know Vancouver is a city, right? Not farmland.”

“Well, we could get a place just outside the city. Half-hour commute tops.”

“I’m okay with that.”

Jared grins. “And we need a nice kitchen for all the meals you’re gonna cook for me.”

Jensen snorts. “Good luck with that. What we need is a pool.”

“We’d never be there to use it.”

“A huge jacuzzi tub, then. Big enough for both of us.”

That thought goes straight to Jared’s dick, but he ignores the delicious burn in his gut. “Definitely.”

“I guess we need two bedrooms. Maybe on separate floors or on separate sides of the house, so if anyone ever asks or sees it, it looks right.”

Jared echoes Jensen’s irritated tone when he answers. “Yeah.”

“But don’t worry. Two bedrooms just means one more room we get to christen when we move in.”

Jared laughs. “Are we just christening the bedrooms? Or the whole apartment?”

“Definitely the whole apartment.” Jensen isn’t laughing. Instead, his voice has taken on that hard, hot tone that makes Jared shiver. 

“That could take a whole weekend.”

“At least. I already have a few ideas.”

“Yeah?” Jared feels a little wobbly at that thought, of Jensen planning the things he wants to do to him. 

“Yep.” This time there’s humor in his voice. “I may have read some of that Wincest stuff on that blog and gotten a few kinky ideas.”

They both laugh at that, then say goodnight. 

Jared mentally checks off another day on the calendar. 

He’ll be back in Vancouver soon.


	22. Chapter 22

“It’s perfect.”

Jared nods his agreement, watches Jensen as he looks around the living room. It _is_ perfect. They only looked at three other places before they found this one, and it took them all of ten minutes to decide that this was the place. 

It’s fairly small, just a normal sized house snuggled behind some trees in a cute neighborhood, one that seems quiet and like it keeps to itself. There are two floors and a partially finished basement, enough space for people to think they each have their own area, small enough for them to feel like they have a real home. 

And it’s _theirs_. They both signed the papers, it’s both their names on the mortgage, and Jared can’t fucking believe it. They live together. It’s just so...committed. 

Jensen drops the box he’s holding and pulls Jared into a hug, pressing a kiss into the side of his neck. Jared grins and tilts his head back to make it easier. “We have a truck full of shit to carry in,” he reminds him. 

Jensen shrugs. “The truck isn’t due back to the rental place until tomorrow. We can take a break.”

“A break?” Jared laughs, pushing him away. “We haven’t even started yet.”

“Fine,” Jensen sighs. “Let’s do this quickly, though. The second we get that last box off the truck, you’re mine.”

“Promise?” Jared teases, fingertips grazing Jensen’s as he heads toward the front door. 

It takes five hours, a pizza, and a six-pack of beer, but they finally lift the last piece of furniture off the truck, Jared’s dining room table from his old apartment. 

“There,” Jared sighs when they set it down in the dining room off the kitchen. He stretches his arms over his head, feels his shoulders scream with the overuse of moving and lifting all the boxes. “Finished.”

Jensen is right there all of a sudden, sliding his arms around Jared’s waist while he’s still stretching, so that his arms fall down to rest around Jensen’s neck. 

“Finished,” Jensen nods.

The kiss is hot, possessive and hungry, both of them reveling in the freedom of it. This is _their_ place. They officially have a home here in Vancouver, no more shitty apartments and hotel rooms. And their home is together.

Jared gets a little weak from the idea of it, from the idea that he’ll come home to this every day, to Jensen covering his mouth with kisses, tongue sliding hot and heavy between his lips. He lets his wobbly knees bring him down, where he can get at Jensen’s belt buckle, pull his jeans down and mouth at the line of his cock through his boxer-briefs. He nuzzles into the crease of Jensen’s thigh, breathing him in, hands squeezing his ass, before Jensen gets impatient and pulls his underwear down to pool at his knees with his jeans. 

Jared’s own cock throbs as he leans forward, licking at the precome beading on the head of Jensen’s dick, moaning at the familiar taste of it, at how perfect it is. Jensen shivers, puts a hand on the table to brace himself. 

Jared takes his time. He swirls his tongue without sucking, licks up and down Jensen’s cock like it’s a lollipop, traces each line and curve of it. He runs a hand up Jensen’s thigh, squeezing at the hard muscle there before moving to his balls, gently rolling them in his hand before leaning down and sucking them into his mouth, one at a time, using barely-there pressure that makes Jensen dig his fingers into Jared’s shoulder, grip so tight it almost hurts. 

“Fuck,” he breathes out.

“Tell me about your ideas,” Jared says, letting his lips move against Jensen’s cock as he speaks. 

“My ideas?”

Jared presses the tip of his tongue into the slit for just a second, pulling a groan out of Jensen, before pulling away to answer, his hand still stroking slowly. “You said you read some fanfiction, and that it gave you some ideas.”

Jensen’s already flushed, but his cheeks burn a deeper red when he answers. “It was nothing. Just.”

“Just what?” Jared encourages. “Tell me. I wanna know.”

Jensen swallows hard, and Jared bats his eyelashes pleadingly, hoping it comes across as sexy and not cheesy. “I only skimmed a couple. But there was one that wasn’t about Sam and Dean. It was about us.”

“And?” Jared smiles.

“And we were kind of...rough with each other.”

Jared’s grin widens. “We could do that.”

“I mean, it wasn’t crazy or anything. Just. It was kinda hot to think about…”

“About fucking me hard?” Jared smirks, leaning back in to kiss at the head of Jensen’s cock. “About making me scream with it?”

Jensen’s only reply is a nod, as Jared sucks him down, keeping his mouth soft and wet until he can feel Jensen bumping the back of his throat. Then he seals his lips and swallows, sucks hard, tongue sliding around for extra friction.

He sucks and sucks, sliding back and forth, wet and messy, letting Jensen grab his hair and push him closer, push his cock deeper. Jared fucking loves it, loves the low groans Jensen is making, loves the sharp tug on his hair as Jensen tells him where to go. 

And he loves when Jensen comes, hot pulses down his throat, stomach tensing and flexing with it. He drinks him down like nectar, using his tongue to pull out every drop he can, to give Jensen every ounce of pleasure possible. When he pulls away and looks up, he knows he’s a mess, lips wet and swollen, spit dripping down his chin. 

Jensen pulls him up and kisses him hard, licking the taste of himself out of Jared’s mouth, hands desperately fumbling at Jared’s jeans. 

“Here,” Jared says, pulling away and stripping down hastily, watching as Jensen kicks of his boots, gets his pants off, tugs at his t-shirt. 

When they come together again, it’s just skin on skin, hot and sweaty now, both of them clawing at the other as their mouths crash together. 

And then Jensen is flipping Jared around, a strong hand between his shoulder blades pushing him down so that he’s bent over the table, chest against the cool wood. It’s so sudden that Jared gasps, palms slapping down as he catches himself. 

“Is this okay?” Jensen asks, voice a little hesitant now.

“God, yes,” Jared moans, heart pounding and skin tingling. “Definitely okay.”

That seems to reassure Jensen, and he swats Jared’s ass, a perfect sharpness sliding up Jared’s spine and spreading out to his fingers and toes. There’s an edge to this now, a little wilder and darker than he’s used to, and it’s so _so_ good, to go there with Jensen, to let go a little.

“Don’t move,” Jensen orders.

Jared watches out of the corner of his eye as Jensen hurries out of the room. It’s so quiet that he can hear the rummaging a couple of rooms away, can hear his own heartbeat thudding in his ears as he waits, nerves buzzing, cock twitching, so fucking ready for whatever Jensen’s going to do to him.

He’s still bent over the table when Jensen comes back with a small bottle of lube, coating his fingers before dropping to his knees behind Jared. His fingers are cool as they slide between his ass cheeks, press against his hole, two of them sliding in right away, pushing in until they’re buried. 

“Jesus, Jen,” he grunts, pushing back a little to take them deeper, to get Jensen to move. 

Jensen curls his fingers, presses them right up into Jared’s prostate, hot sparks behind Jared’s eyes at the feeling of it. He doesn’t let up, stroking and rubbing that sweet spot as he stretches Jared open, adds a third finger and begins to thrust. Jared feels so full, but it’s not enough. Not until it’s Jensen’s dick inside him. 

Jensen seems to understand, and before long, he’s slicking up his cock, already hard again, and grabbing Jared’s hips, pulling him back a little and spreading his legs even wider. 

Jared lets him, does his best to be still on the table, the wood sticking to his sweaty skin now. 

A loud shout comes out of him when Jensen pushes in, not taking him time, just lining up and thrusting steadily until Jared can feel his balls pressed up against him. 

“You okay?” Jensen whispers, leaning down to brush soothing kisses over the back of Jared’s neck 

“I’m not gonna break. Just...just fucking move. _Please._ ”

Jensen accepts his answer and does exactly what he asks. 

It’s different than any other time they’ve done this. They’ve had playful, fun sex before, they’ve had passionate sex before, but it’s never felt like this. This is desperate. Jared can feel Jensen’s hands digging into his hips, pulling him back with each thrust so he can get deeper. It’s fast and hard, like they’ve been starved for each other, like there’s no going slow or taking their time. 

Jared didn’t know he needed this. Every groan from Jensen feels like reassurance, feels like a promise. Every bruising touch just proves that he belongs here, that he’s Jensen’s. Completely. 

And he fucking loves it. He loves the burning of his skin where Jensen’s fingers have left marks. He loves the tension between them, the building pressure. He loves the burning stretch as Jensen slams into him, how split open he feels, like Jensen is just making a home for himself inside of him.

“Oh my God,” Jensen groans, holding on impossibly tighter. 

“Wait,” Jared manages to gasp. “Hang on.”

Jensen instantly stops moving and gently pulls out. “What? Did I-”

“I’m fine,” Jared smiles, pushing himself up off the table and turning around. “Stop worrying. But I don’t want either of us to come yet. You said we had to christen the whole apartment.”

Jensen smirks. “Come on.”

He grabs the lube and pulls Jared to the living room, stretches out on the floor next to the box labeled “DVDs” and strokes his own cock, slicking it up again. 

Jared scrambles to get down, to straddle Jensen and feel his hips between his own thighs. The second Jensen lines himself up, Jared slams down. This angle is a little more shallow, but it doesn’t matter. He bounces up and down as fast and hard as he can, not holding back, letting Jensen see and hear everything as he rides him. It’s his turn to grab Jensen, to curl his hands around Jensen’s sides and dig in for leverage, undoubtedly leaving bruises of his own. 

“So fuckin’ gorgeous,” Jensen moans, pushing his hips up and urging him on. 

There’s no stopping themselves this time. The rest of the apartment will just have to wait. Jensen wraps his hand around Jared’s neglected cock and starts to stroke hard, keeping the rhythm of Jared’s thrusts. In seconds, Jared is spilling all over Jensen’s fingers, slamming down through his orgasm, impaling himself on Jensen’s cock. 

Jensen groans and lets his head fall back to the floor, but he keeps his eyes open, keeps his hand moving on Jared, as he comes too, pulsing hot and heavy into Jared’s ass. 

They stare at each other, work each other through the shuddering aftershocks, try to catch their breath as the high just keeps going. 

Just as Jared thinks he might be able to move again, Jensen lifts his hand from Jared’s almost too-sensitive cock and brings his sticky fingers to his own mouth. 

Jared watches as Jensen fucking _licks them clean_ , sucks at each of his fingers with those blush-perfect lips, moaning like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. 

It’s not like Jensen’s never swallowed Jared’s come before, but to watch it this way, to see Jensen unable to let it go without tasting it, the need to swallow him down even when it isn’t part of Jared’s orgasm so fucking hot that Jared shakes again with one more weak jerk of his dick. 

“Trying to kill me, Jen,” he pants, carefully sliding off of Jensen and into the floor next to him. 

“Not yet. We still have a lot of rooms to get through.”

Jared smiles and lets Jensen pull him to his feet and toward the bathroom for a shower. 

Afterward, they pile into Jared’s bed, the only thing in the house they’ve actually bothered to set up, hurriedly spreading sheets and blankets over the mattress. The rest can wait until tomorrow. 

“Don’t get the idea that we’re going to be sleeping in here regularly,” Jensen tells him nuzzling his damp head into Jared’s neck as they tangle together. 

“Why not?”

“I have a brand new mattress waiting to be unwrapped in my room. We’re sleeping there. So much more comfortable.”

Jared can’t argue with that, so he only shrugs and tightens his arms around Jensen.

“Hey, Jay?”

“Mmmm.”

“Did you know this was going to happen when we met?”

Jared smiled. “I hoped it would.”

“It was really hard, you know. Those first few months.” Jensen is talking into Jared’s skin, not looking at him, the way he does when he feels too vulnerable to make eye contact. 

“Yeah? Why?” Jared whispers, trying to keep Jensen in the mood to talk.

“Because you scared me. How much I liked you scared me. I’d never felt that way about a guy at all, and it hit me fast, you know?”

“Trust me, I know.”

“And once I just admitted it to myself, I still wasn’t sure how you felt about me, so I just spent all my time daydreaming, driving myself crazy with all the things I wanted.”

Jared pulls away a little, forces Jensen’s chin up so that he can see those green eyes. “What did you want?”

Jensen swallows. “You.”

Jared grins as Jensen’s hand slides down his ribcage, lower to settle on his hip. “And what did you want from me?”

“Everything.”

Jared closes his eyes and sighs as Jensen leans forward to lick at the hollow of his throat. 

“But mostly,” Jensen continues, “I just dreamed about this.” His hand slides down to wrap around Jared’s cock, already half-hard and swelling fast. “We were such good friends already...this felt like the only thing I was missing.”

“And what did you dream? Tell me.” Jared pumps his hips, fucking himself into Jensen’s fist, drunk on this conversation and on Jensen’s voice.

“I dreamed about what your skin would taste like. What sounds you would make when I touched you. What your cock would feel like in my mouth.”

Jared sucks in a sharp breath, already so close to coming that he has to pull away, roll over to hover over Jensen. He settles there between Jensen’s legs and starts slowly rocking his hips, dick slotting right up against Jensen’s own erection. 

“And I dreamed about this, about how hard you’d make me come.”

“Jesus,” Jared mumbles, eyes squeezed shut so he can just feel Jensen’s body beneath him.

They stop talking then, hands exploring, mouths touching, sweet and gentle this time, worshipping each other as they thrust, rutting against each other. Jensen comes first, with Jared holding his own orgasm back just so he can watch, so he can hear the moans and watch the muscles ripple as Jensen lets go. It’s too much, though, and Jared gives in before Jensen is done trembling, lets the release wash over him, slow and strong. 

He lowers himself down to kiss Jensen again, who smiles into his mouth. “We just took a shower.”

Jared snorts. “Don’t worry. You don’t have to get up.” He pushes himself out of bed and pads to the bathroom, grabs the towel he used to dry himself off after the shower, and uses it to clean both of them off before tossing it in the floor and snuggling back down in the bed. 

He’s almost asleep when Jensen whispers. “I still dream about you.”

Jared drags his mind from sleep long enough to give him a half-hearted “Dream about what?”

“About what it would be like to kiss you in public. To talk about you in interviews the way I want to.”

“Someday,” Jared murmurs, drifting off so quickly he almost doesn’t hear Jensen’s reply. 

“Definitely someday.”


	23. Chapter 23

They wake up at the same time. Sort of. Neither of them is really awake, just lying there, barely conscious, in those last minutes before an alarm goes off. 

Jared doesn’t open his eyes, doesn’t move, just sighs when Jensen’s lips wander up the bend where his neck meets his shoulder. His hard cock is pressing against the crease of Jared’s ass, nudging its way in, slick with precome and spit that Jared didn’t feel him put there. He pushes in easily and Jared groans at how open he still is, at how he’s a little sore from last night and that only makes this better. He wants to stay sore from Jensen in his ass. Doesn’t care if he never walks right again. 

They don’t speak, and they don’t move fast. Jared doesn’t really move at all actually, just stays lax and pliant as Jensen thrusts lazily, like they’re still dreaming. He feels every bit of Jensen this way, throbbing hard and hot inside of him, sliding in and out of his hole with that slow possessiveness like he fucking owns it. 

And honestly, he totally does.

Jensen’s hands drag around to cup Jared’s dick, gently tug at his balls, making him sweat and whimper until he’s coming, dirtying the sheets and Jensen’s hand as he pulses. Jensen isn’t far behind, grunting through it as he fills Jared up, muscles tensing and flexing.

“Good morning,” he groans as he finally pulls away.

“Morning,” Jared grins, looking back over his shoulder. 

“How much time do we have before we have to get up?”

Jared glances blearily at his cell phone on the nightstand. “Ten minutes,” he sighs.

“Damn. I was hoping we’d have time for a round two.”

“Seriously?”

“Sure. We still have plenty of rooms left to fuck in before we’re done.”

Jared laughs. “Well, it will have to wait. We’re back on set in an hour and a half. Besides,” he rolls over and presses his lips to Jensen’s, talks right up against his mouth, “my ass needs a break.”

Jensen smirks, smug and satisfied, and nods. “Sore?”

“A little,” Jared allows.

“I like that. That you’ll feel me all day.”

“Trust me,” Jared says, dropping his forehead to Jensen’s chest. “I do, too.”

********

They drive to set themselves in Jensen’s car, knowing that the first day is always short and they won’t need someone to take their exhausted asses home later. Jared can’t be still, messing with the air conditioning, changing the radio station, adjusting his seat. 

“What’s wrong?” Jensen asks.

“Nothing. Just...I’m not sure how to act today.”

“What?”

“Well, they all know. Or at least, some of them do. So I guess we just act like they don’t? Like we’re just friends?”

Jensen nods. “Seems like a solid plan to me.”

Jared bites his lip and looks out the window.

“What?”

“I hate going back to that.”

Jensen reaches over and rubs his thigh, soothing little circles. “I know. But at the end of the day, we’re going home together, right? Besides, even if it was all out in the open, what would that change? Not like we’re gonna fuck right there on camera in the middle of a scene or anything.”

Jared laughs in spite of his worries, but it dissolves as he thinks about that statement. “On camera. Hmmm.”

It’s Jensen’s turn to laugh. “Down, boy. We are professionals.”

He’s right. They are.

And it turns out to be fairly easy. No one says a word, but the set feels different. A little more relaxed. Jared doesn’t panic that he’s going to slip and say something too flirty, Jensen’s broad shoulders stay relaxed, and they get through the one scene they’re filming easily. 

And it’s fun. 

Jared missed this over hiatus. Jensen aside, he fucking loves this. It’s such a rush to escape into someone else for a little while, to play pretend, to tell a story that he really wants to tell. He gets lost in it, almost forgetting that it’s Jensen he’s working with and not just Dean, his obnoxious brother that he loves more than himself. 

“Dinner?” Jim asks as they all walk toward the parking lot.

Jared looks at Jensen, who shrugs. “Sure,” he tells him. “Pizza?”

“Sounds good. I’ll meet you there.”

The pizza restaurant just a few miles away from set is the cast and crew’s favorite. Jared and Jensen beat Jim there and slide into the same side of a booth, ordering three beers and mozzarella sticks to start. 

“So, how many hours in the gym is this meal going to cost you?” Jensen teases. He’s been making these jokes all summer, as Jared changed his eating habits and starting really lifting weights. 

“They told me to bulk up,” Jared shrugs. “Doesn’t mean I can’t cheat once in a while. Must be nice to be the ‘softer one’.”

Jensen immediately rolls his eyes. “Soft, my ass.”

They grin at each other for a minute, totally aware of exactly how perfect the other’s body really is.

“Hey, guys.” Jim startles them as he plops in on his side of the booth, helping himself to his beer and a mozzarella stick. 

Instinctively, they pull apart, just a little, a movement that would have been missed by someone who wasn’t looking for it. But Jim surprises them.

“You don’t have to do that. You aren’t keeping any secrets from me or anything.”

“What?” Jensen manages to sound confused without sounding panicked. 

“I know. About you two. Everyone on set does. You don’t have to pretend around me.”

“Uh, I don’t, uh…” Jared has no idea what to say to that.

“That’s actually why I wanted to have dinner tonight. I wanted to tell you two that I know. Now, I don’t want to invade your privacy or anything, and I can go right on pretending that I don’t know anything about anything. But if it makes things easier for you, I know. And I think it’s great.”

Jared and Jensen share a look. “You do?” Jensen asks carefully. 

“Sure. You two suit each other.”

Jared still doesn’t know what to say, and there’s a long silence that stretches between the three of them.

“What?” Jim finally says. “You thought because I’m old that I wouldn’t understand? Or wouldn’t approve?”

“No,” Jensen says, starting to laugh a little. “It’s just that...you’re a lot more like Bobby than we realized.”

All three of them laugh then, loud and booming, leaving Jared feeling weightless and free. 

“Thanks, Jim,” he says. “We love you for that. But let’s just keep this between us for now, okay?”

“Deal,” Jim nods.

********

It’s not like they haven’t ended up together after work a million times. But there’s something different about coming home to a house rather than an apartment or hotel. And there’s definitely something special about coming home together. 

They both grin as they park in the garage, let themselves into the kitchen, mail getting tossed on the table. Jensen pulls two beers out of the refrigerator and hands one to Jared before kicking off his shoes. 

Jared smiles, kicks off his own, then presses right into Jensen, not quite hugging him, just standing there, chin on his shoulder, breathing in his scent. “I love you,” he murmurs. 

It just falls from his lips, the most natural thing in the world, and he isn’t quite sure if he said it out loud or just thought it until Jensen responds with a soft “Love you, too.”

“So,” Jared pulls away and takes a long drink of his beer. “We’ve got a few hours before we need to think about going to sleep.”

“Dude. Call of Duty.”

Jared laughs and follows Jensen into the living room, where they set up their game system. 

The rest of the evening probably should be spent unpacking, since they’ve barely started, but that can wait until their next day off. Instead, they spend hours in front of their huge television, playing a video game like teenagers. 

When they’ve had enough, they switch to the news and stretch out on the couch together, legs tangled together in the middle. 

“Can you believe we’re doing a convention?” Jensen asks, almost out of nowhere. They'd gotten the news a few days ago, but hadn't really thought to talk about it until now, with the move keeping them preoccupied. 

“I can’t believe anything about our lives,” Jared laughs. “But yeah, that’s pretty awesome.”

“I wonder how long our panel will be. And what kinds of questions they’ll ask.”

Jared can hear the nerves in Jensen’s voice. “Don’t worry. You’ll be great. Just do that charming thing you do.”

“That charming thing?” Jensen quirks an eyebrow.

“Oh, don’t act all innocent like you don’t know exactly what you’re doing.”

Jensen looks unconvinced.

“It’s just another job, Jen. Like anything else we do. You’ll be great.”

“Until those girls from that website start asking me about my sex life,” he snorts.

Jared laughs, too. 

They’ve kept an eye on that blog, and it’s provided all kinds of entertainment. There hasn’t been another incident since the pictures from Austin, but that hasn’t stopped the people who frequent the website from writing all kinds of theories, posting all kinds of old press photos with in-depth analysis of where their hands are and how they are smiling, and posting infinite amounts of fan fiction. The last couple of weeks has focused on the show itself, on the upcoming season, and it’s actually pretty accurate and entertaining to read. 

Jared is starting to like this blog in spite of himself. It violates his privacy and could be potentially damaging, but it’s kind of nice to see the support, no matter how misguided. 

“Well,” Jared says, “if the questions get to be too much, we can always just make out and shut everyone up.”

Jensen sits up, leans forward to kiss Jared sweetly on the lips. “Like this?”

“I think we can do better than that,” Jared grins, pulling Jensen down on top of him and sliding down into the couch. 

They kiss for a long time, all lips and hands, feeling each other, feeling the softness of it. Eventually, Jared licks at Jensen’s lips, slipping his tongue into Jensen’s mouth to taste him, to deepen the kiss, kissing him until they’re both breathless. 

And it’s not enough. 

Jensen kisses back just as thoroughly, hands tugging at Jared’s hair, the solid weight of him pinning Jared down so that he can’t move anything other than his head and his arms. They drink from each other like they’re drinking fine wine, like they’re addicted. Neither of them makes a move to go farther. They’re both too tired from work, Jared’s still a little sore, and honestly, they don’t need more. The small little sounds Jensen makes, the way he feels buried against Jared’s neck- that’s enough. 

They’ll get back to fucking in every room of the house tomorrow. 

“Come on,” Jensen finally says. “Let’s go get my bed set up.”

Jared groans at the thought of more manual labor, but the idea of cuddling up in that new, huge bed sounds too good to pass up. 

His cell phone rings, and he digs it out of his pocket. “Right behind you,” he tells Jensen, then glances at the screen. 

Sandy.

“Hello?” he says, unable to hide the surprise in his voice. 

“Hey you! Hope this isn’t a bad time?”

“Not at all. What’s up?”

She sounds breathless and excited. “Well, I just got the news, and you had to be the first one I called.”

“What news?” 

Jensen turns and tilts his head in a silent question, and Jared holds a hand up, telling him to stay where he is.

“Guess who is guest starring on your show this season?”

“Wait. What? Really?”

She laughs. “Really! It’s only one episode. But I’m so excited!”

It takes a minute for it to sink in, and Jared tries to keep his voice steady. “That’s awesome!”

“You mean that?” Her voice wobbles a little, and Jared feels bad for the insincerity she must have heard in his answer. 

“I really do,” he says, a little calmer this time. “It’ll be good to see you again, and you know we always had fun working together.”

He can hear the relief in her voice when she speaks again. “I know! I’m playing a demon. I think it should be a lot of fun.”

“When are you flying out?” he asks.

“Oh, it’s not for another month or so. I just couldn’t wait to tell you. How have you been?”

“I’ve been good,” he tells her, not going into detail. “How have you been?”

“Oh, you know me. I’m always good.”

Jared laughs. 

“Can I ask…” she pauses for a moment like she’s gathering her courage, “about Jensen? I don’t want to show up and say or do something stupid.”

“Oh, you know. Jensen’s good.” Jared grins into the phone and knows she’ll understand.

“He’s standing right there, isn’t he?” she laughs. “Well, are you two...you know...public?”

“Not exactly. Best to act like the two of you have barely met.”

For a minute, he’s lost in the memory of a night the three of them spent together, a night that was equal parts amazing and tortuous. He knows Sandy is having the same thoughts. 

“I can do that,” she says.

“Thank you.”

He still doesn’t deserve her on his side like this. But he’s grateful. 

“Well, I’ll let you know when I have all the details. But I guess I’ll see you soon!”

“See you,” Jared tells her, and hangs up.

“So...Sandy is going to play a demon in an episode. She just got the news.”

Jensen carefully doesn’t react, the blank expression he always wears when he’s guarding himself. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“She knows about us, doesn’t she?”

“Yes, but she isn’t going to say anything. Trust me.”

Jensen nods. “Okay. Then I guess, this is kind of a cool thing?”

“It is! She’s good, fun to work with. And it’s been a long time since I’ve seen her.”

Jensen walks forward and wraps his arms around Jared. “You aren’t thinking about another threesome are you?”

“What if I was?”

Jensen tightens his hold, looks a little taller all of a sudden. “She’s nice and all, but I only went that night because it was you. I don’t generally like to share.”  
His voice is deep, rumbling over Jared until it makes him shiver. 

“Don’t worry. I’m all yours,” Jared whispers. 

“Damn straight, you’re mine,” Jensen nods fiercely. “Now come help me get my bed set up. I want you to show me that you belong to me.”

Jared follows him to the other bedroom, the one they are planning on making their bedroom. But sleeping is now the last thing on his mind.


	24. Chapter 24

They’re in the small bathroom upstairs, the one they haven’t used before today. The master bedroom downstairs has a nice, big en-suite that houses both of their toothbrushes, while this bathroom is just for appearances. 

But today, it’s the place they have chosen to shower, and now Jensen is lying on the cold floor while Jared rides him. 

“Fuck,” Jensen huffs out, running his hands over Jared’s thighs. 

Jared smirks and squeezes himself around Jensen, rocking his hips slowly, letting Jensen’s cock nudge against his prostate every time he moves. It’s a slow dance, a rolling rhythm that’s going to leave them sweaty enough to need a second shower. 

“Come here,” Jensen breathes, pulling Jared down to kiss him, soft and sweet, a delicious opposite to what Jared is doing with his hips. Jensen’s fingers drift from Jared’s thighs to his dick, stroking slowly and forcing Jared to break the kiss so he can gasp. 

“Jesus,” he groans.  “Gonna make me come too soon.”

“What’s too soon?” Jensen asks, grinning a little. “I didn’t know we had a schedule.”

Jared leans back up, gives Jensen full access to his body, hissing when Jensen’s hand moves faster. “We don’t. Just. I like this. Want it to last.”

Jensen eases his grip and slows down, lets Jared’s building orgasm fade away to a nice slow burn. Jared takes his time then, explores all the different ways he can move his body with Jensen’s, how many different ways they seem to fit together perfectly. The sensations buzz, electricity created and fueled by the swell of Jensen’s lips and the sound of his harsh breaths, then pushed under Jared’s skin to spark and crackle.

Without needing to speak, they sense when the other can’t hold back anymore. Jared starts bouncing up and down at the exact moment Jensen squeezes his cock and starts jerking him hard and fast. Like their bodies planned it, they come at the same time, shaking so hard the sound of their smacking bodies echoes off the bathroom walls. 

Jared collapses on top of Jensen afterward, mouth attacking his neck, licking the salt from his skin. “I think that does it,” he murmurs against Jensen’s ear. 

“Yep,” Jensen grins. “We have officially fucked in every room of our house.”

“ _Our_ house.”

They kiss again, slower this time, knowing they’re going to have to get up and get dressed when the kiss ends. And sure enough, Jensen sits up the second Jared rolls to his side. 

“We’re gonna be late.”

Jared sighs, watches the muscles in Jensen’s body as he stands up and stretches. He gets more gorgeous every time Jared looks at him. “So?”

“So come on,” Jensen grins. “If you hurry up, I promise to blow you in my trailer later.”

Jared laughs and jumps up, following Jensen down the stairs like a puppy, shaking the water out of his hair. They get ready together, playfully bumping each other, mixing stolen kisses and work conversation. When their driver shows up, Jensen grabs Jared’s face and pulls him in for one last kiss, the kind that always leaves Jared flushed and out of breath. 

“Let’s go do our jobs,” he grins. 

Sometimes it hurts a little to separate from one another, to climb into that car and know that they can’t hold hands or look at each other for too long. But today, it’s kind of nice, this teasing. It’s a secret between them, a silent language they’ve created themselves, that no one else knows. And apparently, it’s a promise that Jared’s gonna get a blow job later in the privacy of Jensen’s trailer. 

********

“Hey!” Sandy is waiting when they get out of the car. Before Jared can answer her, she’s buried in his chest, arms wrapped around him. 

He grins and hugs her back, the familiar smell of her hair wafting up to his nose. “Hey, yourself. I thought you weren’t here for another week.”

She leans back and smiles up at him. “Just couldn’t contain my excitement and flew out early.”

“Lucky us,” he smiles back. 

“No, they actually bumped my scene up. We’re filming it tomorrow. I’m here for costumes and stuff today.” She turns and tosses her hair back over her shoulder. “Hey, Jensen.”

“Hi, Sandy. Good to see you.” He’s perfectly friendly, but Jared can hear the formality in it, the polite tone that means Jensen has retreated into himself, is letting her see only what he wants her to see. 

“So this is Supernatural?” She starts walking toward the cluster of trailers where they get ready each day, makeup and costumes and craft services, all sitting next to the giant warehouse soundstages. “Impressive.”

Jared laughs as he and Jensen follow. “It looks like any other television show.”

“Still. I’m excited. I, uh, may have watched every episode over the last couple of weeks.”

“Yeah?” 

Jensen chuckles a little. “And?”

“And I love it. I get why the Internet is obsessed with you two.”

Jared thinks about the blog, about how he and Jensen check it every week or so now just to be sure they haven’t accidentally set off another conspiracy theory that’s actually the complete truth. “Yep,” he jokes. “We’re definitely fascinating.”

“No, really. This show is a big deal, guys.”

They reach the trailers and get caught up in their day, but her words stay in Jared’s mind. _A big deal_. She’s not wrong. The more they film, the deeper they get into the story, the more Jared realizes how special the show really is. It’s not just special for him and Jensen because it happens to be how they met. It’s special in and of itself.

Sam and Dean are special. 

Jared’s so fucking lucky that he aches with it, heart threatening to expand so much it splits his chest. 

The routine takes over, and Jared settles into the familiar motions of getting ready, waiting around, joking and talking with the crew, waiting around some more. He and Jensen film a fairly long scene, the kind that takes hours to get all the necessary shots. Sandy watches a few takes, smiling at them quietly until a woman with a press badge pulls her away.

With or without Sandy watching, Jared’s having a blast. He laughs loudly when he misses his mark and stumbles trying to discreetly move to the right spot. Jensen forgets his lines and starts channeling his soap opera days, making up a melodramatic script until the director calls cut and they can collect themselves. And in between their goofy mistakes, they act. Just like that, they’re brothers, hiding who they really are from the world and depending on each other for survival. 

Jared can relate. 

“You bored yet?” he asks Sandy when he gets a break. 

“Not at all! I just did an interview for some teen magazine, and now I get to try on about thirty black dresses that all look the same, until someone decides which one is right for our scene.”

Jared laughs. “Could be worse.”

“It definitely could,” she nods. “So, are the two of you out?”

Jared almost chokes on his water. “What?”

“You and Jensen,” she whispers. “I didn’t say a word, but I was just wondering. The way everyone talks about the two of you...it’s like you’re a unit. No one will come right out and say it, but I just got a feeling that I’m not the only one who knows.”

Jared sighs heavily. “The biggest secret that isn’t actually a secret. Yeah, a lot of people know. But we definitely don’t talk about it. It wouldn’t be good for the show or our careers.”

“I get it,” Sandy nods. “I’m sorry you have to hide. But I got it.”

They talk for a few more minutes, Jared remembering why he likes her, how fun and relaxed things always were between them. He’s having such a good time that he almost misses the buzzing of a text message in his pocket. 

Almost. 

It’s Jensen, and all it says is _My trailer. Now._

“I gotta go,” Jared tells her. “But I’ll see you later. And I’m really glad you’re here.” He leans down to kiss her on the cheek.

She smiles softly. “Me too, babe.”

And with that, Jared’s walking, almost running, toward Jensen. 

And Jensen’s waiting on his knees.

Jared shuts the door behind him, cock swelling so fast it hurts at the sight of this beautiful man, in the middle of the small room, kneeling, arms behind his back and head tilted up like he just can’t wait. 

“Fuck, Jen. I would have sprinted here if I had known you were waiting like this.”

“Just come here,” he replies, licking his lips and breathing a little fast, like he’s as excited as Jared is. 

That’s an order Jared is happy to obey, and in seconds, his jeans are pooled at his ankles, caught on his boots, and he’s holding the Winchester flannel shirt up and out of the way so that Jensen can suck him off, frantic and messy, moaning around Jared’s cock like it’s candy. He swirls his tongue around the head, presses up against the underside just as he gently tugs at Jared’s balls, his other hand wandering around to tease at Jared’s hole. 

Jared groans and tugs at his hair, pulls his head away before he comes. 

“The couch,” he gasps.

Jensen nods and they move together. Jared kicks off his boots and gets his jeans and boxer-briefs off completely. Jensen gets the lower half of his body undressed too, waits for Jared to stretch out on the couch, then throws one leg over Jared’s head to straddle his face. 

They suck at each other, Jensen fucking down into Jared’s mouth, Jared lifting his hips up into Jensen’s, mirroring each other’s movements, moving at the same pace, driving each other crazy. Jared closes his eyes and just feels it, lets his body take over and move how it wants, hungry for Jensen’s cock, his own cock aching for release. 

Jensen comes first, tensing up and grunting loudly, pulsing hot and bitter down Jared’s throat. Jared swallows every bit, grabbing Jensen’s ass and holding him in his mouth until Jensen’s too sensitive to stand it. Jensen pays him back by baring his teeth and lightly scraping just the way he likes. It punches the orgasm out of him instantly, sudden and unexpected, making Jared slap a hand over his own mouth as he shouts, just in case someone happens to be walking past the trailer. 

Jensen leans up, licking his lips. “Shhhh,” he laughs. “Or we’re gonna have to stop sneaking sex at work.”

Jared forces himself to calm down and grins back. “That would be a tragedy,” he pants. “I’ll do better next time.”

They get their pants back on and Jensen grabs a bottle of water from the small refrigerator. “You want one?”

“No,” Jared grins. “Don’t wanna wash your taste away yet.”

Jensen actually fucking blushes, and Jared feels his chest tighten with that comforting, settling weight. “You excited to shoot Sandy in the head tomorrow?”

“You don’t like her.” It’s not a question, and Jared watches as Jensen takes a long drink of water instead of answering. 

“It’s not that. I like her just fine.”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t know her all that well,” Jensen shrugs. “And she just. You know.”

“You’re jealous.” It dawns on Jared suddenly, makes his mouth twitch as he tries to hide his smile. 

“Am not.”

“You are! You’re jealous.”

“Well,” Jensen gives in, setting the water bottle down on the counter, “can you blame me? The two of you have a lot of history, and it’s obvious you care about each other. And she was the one you were with when I…”

Neither of them fill in that blank. 

“Jensen.” Jared moves to stand right in front of Jensen, cupping that beautiful face in his hands. “You don’t honestly think there’s something going on with her, do you?”

“No,” Jensen admits, eyes looking down. “I just...I wish things were different. That you hadn’t needed her. That I hadn’t pushed you toward her.”

“Hey. We’re here now, and that’s what matters, right?”

Jensen finally meets his eyes and nods. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” He puts his hands over Jared’s, squeezes a little before pulling away. Jared lets him, smiles to himself as Jensen shakes the moment off. 

“We’ve still got some time before they need us again. Wanna go grab something from the food truck?”

Jensen grabs the guitar propped up in the corner and sits down on the couch. “If you want. Or we could just hang here for now and get a huge dinner later.”

The faint melody of Free Falling sounds through the trailer then, and Jared’s instantly lost. A million emotions float through him at the sound of that song, a sweet ache that wells up and pushes tears into his eyes. 

“Yeah,” he whispers, blinking the tears away. “Let’s just hang here for now.”

He sits down next to Jensen and nuzzles into his neck. Jensen just keeps playing, humming softly.

********

“Jared?”

Jensen sounds upset. Jared quickly finishes unpacking the food they picked up from the fancy restaurant down the street and carries it with him as he follows Jensen’s voice into the dining room. Jensen’s already at the table, staring at the screen of his laptop.

“What is it?” Jared sets the plate of salmon and wild rice in front of Jensen, then sits down and digs into his own pasta dish. 

“Apparently, Sandy did some interviews today.”

“Yeah, she said she talked to some teen magazine. Why?”

“It’s online.”

“Already? That was fast. She just did that interview a few hours ago.”

“Well, it’s just a blurb on their website, the full article isn’t written yet, obviously.”

Jared takes a drink of water and frowns. “Why are you even on their website?”

“I wasn’t. I was checking that blog, the one about us?”

“They posted Sandy’s interview?”

Jensen nods, biting at his lip as he continues to stare at the screen. “Read this.”

He turns the computer around and pushes it in Jared’s direction, making a face at his dinner like he isn’t hungry anymore. With a sinking stomach, Jared reads the blurb. It’s all pretty standard, Sandy talking about how excited she is, a little bit about her character, the usual stuff. And then he sees it. 

__**And of course, we couldn’t leave without asking Sandy the question on everyone’s mind- what it’s like to work with an ex-boyfriend. While we cringe at the thought of working with our exes, Sandy assures us that’s not the case between her and Jared.  
“It isn’t awkward at all,” she tells us with a smile. “We were always better friends than we were boyfriend and girlfriend. And I’m definitely not on his mind anymore.”  
Does that mean that Jared has found love with someone else?**

Jared doesn’t need to read anymore. “It’s nothing, Jen,” he says, though he knows that they’re never that lucky. 

“Read what the blog has to say about it.”

With an inward groan, Jared looks below the article blurb to see what the blogger has pulled out of it. 

_Interesting, isn’t it? Jared’s clearly with someone else now, and we all know who that someone else is. I wonder if Jensen is the reason Sandy and Jared broke up in the first place. Whatever happened, they seem to be on good terms now.  
Also, we know that the Js have been showing up and leaving set in the same car. We don’t have any concrete evidence, but there are rumors floating around that they live together now. Wouldn’t that be perfect? Of course, they’ll say they’re just roommates, and that with all the traveling they do and everything, it only makes sense. But we all know the truth._

“Jesus. Why do these people care so much?” Jared says, more to himself than to Jensen. 

“I have no idea,” Jensen answers, finally taking a bite of his food. “But it’s getting kind of old. They know we show up to set together? Work isn’t even safe for us anymore?”

Jared shuts the laptop. “What do you wanna do?”

“Same as last time. We do nothing and hope nobody finds it?”

There’s no fear in his voice. There’s a weary tone, maybe a little sadness, but no fear. Without thinking, Jared gets up and launches himself at Jensen, bending down behind him to hug his shoulders and bury his face in Jensen’s neck. 

“Dude,” Jensen laughs, “what’s that for?”

“Just. I love you.”

Jensen takes a second to lean their heads together before he playfully shoves him away. “Get off me. I’m trying to eat.”

Jared settles back in his chair and goes back to his own food. “I wonder if we should do something about this.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno. Figure out who is watching us on set, for one thing.”

“How? There’s a pretty big crowd of fans at the gate on a daily basis now. And what would we do if we figured it out?”

Their legs bump under the table and Jared hooks his ankle around Jensen’s. “You’re right. There’s nothing we can do.”

“I don’t think we need to worry. We’ll keep checking the blog to make sure it doesn’t spread across the entire Internet. And we’ll have to make sure that Sandy didn’t say anything else that’s gonna come out in the article, but other than that…”

They finish dinner and clean up the kitchen, then pile into bed early, hoping to get a few hours of sleep before they have to be back on set for their sunrise shoot. 

Jensen wraps Jared up in his arms, throwing a leg over him as well, pulling him as close as he can. This time, it doesn’t feel like Jensen is clinging to him for comfort. It feels like he’s protecting him, like he’s the one doing the comforting. Jared snuggles into him, into the reassurance of his warm skin and steady heartbeat. He falls asleep easily, with Jensen shielding him from the outside world.


	25. Chapter 25

“Wait.” Sandy shakes her head and peers at Jared’s laptop screen, then looks back and forth between Jared and Jensen. “There’s a blog about the two of you?”

“Probably more than one,” Jensen tells her. “But this is the one that we know about. I’m too scared to go looking for more.” He smiles and winks, and Sandy grins a little, relaxing her shoulders. 

“So I really fucked you guys with what I said in that interview.” The couch is on the other side of Jared’s trailer, and Sandy crosses the space to sit down, but she still looks like she wants more room between herself and the two of them. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...I mean, I wasn’t trying to say anything about the two of you…”

Jared nods. “We know. We aren’t angry or anything. I just needed you to see this in case there are ever any other interviews. We hate to ask you to lie, but...”

“It’s just that we aren’t ready to be outed yet.” Jensen keeps his voice as soft as Jared’s. “There would be some major backlash. And, you know, we play brothers. It could hurt the show if everyone knew we were together.”

“I get it. Trust me, I’ll be more careful. I just didn’t realize this was...this show was…”

Jared almost laughs. “We have some intense fans, yeah.”

“Well, I won’t feed the rumors.” 

Jensen looks over at Jared, raises an eyebrow that Jared knows means _“Do you trust her?”_ Jared gives one little bob of his head, probably too small for anyone else to see, but it’s enough for Jensen. They’re safe for now. 

Sandy looks at the floor and starts fidgeting with her necklace. Her voice is almost too quiet to hear. “I’m really sorry you two have to deal with all of this.”

Jared is already moving to hug her, but surprisingly, Jensen beats him to it. Sandy looks a little stunned, but leans into it when he sits down next to her and pulls her in, kissing her temple and locking his hands in the small of her back. “Thanks.”

“Okay,” she says loudly, pulling away and smiling at Jared. “You ready to shoot me?”

The scene is _good_. Sandy plays the sex appeal and sass perfectly, dangerous and flirty and the exact right energy. It’s so comfortable to work with her, so easy to let go and get lost in the scene and trust that she’ll go right there with him. 

And on top of that, shooting the scene is _fun_. Jared watches in amusement as her face changes from the expression of her character to one of shock, loud peals of laughter billowing out of her when the uneven ground causes her to trip on her heels. She catches herself before she face plants into the dirt and gravel, but only barely. 

“Oh, shit! Sorry,” she laughs, talking to everyone on set. 

“Graceful,” Jared teases, laughing with her. “Nothing like being too clumsy to walk to really put the fear of hell in Sam.”

She smacks his arm. “You try walking here in heels! It’s not as easy as it looks!”

The director calls cut as the crew gets ready for the gunshot stunt, and the two of them sink down into their chairs, tired from the long hours, but happy. 

“So, I’m heading back to LA after this, but not until Monday. What are you guys doing this weekend? Maybe we could all go out and do something?”

“I’d love that,” Jared says, “but we’re actually heading out to a convention.”

“A convention?”

“Our first one. It’s a con for Supernatural, Smallville, Buffy and Angel.”

“That’s awesome!” she smiles. “But you sound kinda nervous.”

Jared shrugs and picks at the label on his water bottle. “A little. I’ve never done anything like that before. I’m used to answering typical press questions in interviews and stuff. I don’t know what the hell these fans are going to ask.”

“It’s a real shame you aren’t attractive or funny or charming or kind. That would help in a situation like this.”

Jared grins at her teasing. “It would.”

“Jensen’s going with you, right? So you’ll have each other. I think it’ll be fun.”

The call comes for them to finish the scene, and the rest of the day is spent hard at work, no time for them to just hang out with each other. Jensen is long gone, and Jared is exhausted by the time he says goodbye to Sandy, kissing her and promising to call her soon. He piles himself into a car and lets the set driver take him home, dreaming the whole way about snuggling into bed with Jensen and getting some sleep. 

But when he finally gets into the house, makes his way down the hallway to their bedroom, shedding his jacket and dropping his keys on a table as he goes, he can’t just collapse and go to sleep. 

It’s Jensen’s fault. He’s stretched out in the bed, mouth opening and almost snoring, totally dead to the world. All four limbs are spread out like a starfish, taking up all the room, the blankets balled up at his feet like he got too hot and kicked them off. 

He’s also naked. Wonderfully, gloriously naked. 

Jared stares at him for a while, taking in the way he’s got one arm curled over a pillow, like maybe he was missing having Jared there with him. His skin is pale in the moonlight peeking through the half-closed curtains on the window, highlighting the cut of muscles everywhere, the stocky lines of him, making him look even more broad than usual. He’s _perfect_ , from his shoulders to his ass to the tips of his toes to the messy tufts of his hair. 

Jared loves him so much it hurts. His breath catches in his lungs and his hands feel a little shaky as he stops for a moment and takes the time to be grateful. They’ve spent the last few days feeling nervous and scared, angry about having to hide. But right now, all Jared can feel is fucking lucky. 

He takes off his clothes as quietly as possible, then gently pulls the pillow away from Jensen, slipping into the bed next to him and pulling that strong arm over his own chest. He smiles when Jensen tightens his hold instinctively, before he even wakes up. 

“Hey.” Green eyes blink up at him, sleepy and disoriented. “What time is it?”

“A little after three.”

“The scene go okay?” 

Jared can’t help but run his fingers through Jensen’s hair, just desperate to touch him, to feel him when he’s soft and sweet like this. “Yeah, it was really good. She asked if we wanted to hang out with her this weekend.”

“We’ll be in Chicago.”

“I know. We’ll see her some other time.”

“Glad you’re home.” Jensen drops back down to the bed, pulling Jared closer and sighing with as much contentment as Jared’s feeling.

“Me too.”

He can’t stop himself. He knows he should let Jensen sleep, that he should be sleeping himself, but there’s just no way he can do anything other than kiss him. It starts out slowly, sweet and lingering, mouths resting together in between actual movements of their lips and tongues. Jared runs his hands over Jensen’s chest, gently maps out the continent of his skin with his fingertips, planning all the places his mouth is going to visit. 

Jensen lets him push him to his back, eyes open but still hooded as he watches Jared settle over him, warm skin sliding together. Jared kisses every place he just touched, dragging himself down Jensen’s body inch by inch, making sure he pays attention to every detail, to every freckle.

He drifts down to Jensen’s belly button, smiling against Jensen’s body when he spreads his legs without thinking, stretching out to make room for Jared to get between them. Jared notices goosebumps appearing when he nips his way down Jensen’s dark blond happy trail, bites a little harder just to watch his abs flex with the sting of it. 

And then he’s where he wants to be. 

Jensen’s cock is hard, a little wet at the very tip, and as perfect as it’s ever been. Jared’s mouth is already watering when he nuzzles against it, kisses his way down to rub against Jensen’s balls, too. 

Jensen doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t groan or moan his pleasure. He sinks his hands into Jared’s hair instead, holding him in place. It will never cease to amaze Jared how this never gets old, never gets too familiar to be exciting, how the hunger he has for this never eases or goes away, no matter how much satisfaction he gets. He lets his tongue peek out and taste the precome at the tip of Jensen’s dick and moans like it’s a new flavor, genuinely loving the taste of it as much as he did the very first time. He sinks down slowly, savoring it, eyes fluttering closed because it’s still a novelty, still a luxurious experience he wants to enjoy. 

Jensen lifts his hips, going deeper until he’s bumping against Jared’s throat. Despite the protesting of his own body, Jared manages to keep his throat open and take Jensen down until he’s completely buried, until his nose is pressed against the flat of Jensen’s lower stomach, because he knows that’s how deep Jensen likes to be. He swallows, lets his throat squeeze around him, because he knows Jensen likes that, too. 

Jensen lets out a low sound, not quite a moan but no less sexy for it’s softness. The sound is still full of everything Jared’s feeling himself as he starts to move up and down on Jensen’s shaft, wet and warm and easy. Jensen keeps his fingers tangled in Jared’s hair, sometimes pulling and sometimes just brushing, always touching, always silently talking to Jared through the small movements. 

_Yes, right there._

_Faster._

_I love you._

Just when Jared’s certain he’s about to come, Jensen stops him, pulls him back up for a kiss. 

“Wanna come inside you,” Jensen whispers. 

Jared answers with a shiver, flips them over so Jensen is on top. With a clumsy hand, Jensen reaches for the lube on the nightstand, clicks it open and lifts his hand to coat his fingers. 

“Not your fingers. Just your cock,” Jared tells him.

Like the caveman he is when he’s still half-asleep like this, Jensen only grunts and nods, drizzles the lube on his dick instead of his hand and slicks himself up. Jared gasps at the first press of Jensen against his hole, stretching and burning exactly the way he wanted him to. He swears he can feel each vein, the exact shape of Jensen, when he’s this tight. Jensen grits his teeth and grunts again as he works his way in, riding the line of being careful not to hurt him, and giving in to his need to just fuck him into tomorrow. Jared can feel it simmering under Jensen’s skin, the desire to just slam into him over and over until they’re both screaming. 

He wants that, too. 

“I’m not gonna break, Jen.”

That’s all the permission Jensen needs. He buries his face in Jared’s neck, waits for Jared to grab his ass, and then drives in as far as he can, a rush of breath punched out of him along the way. Jared cries out, arches into the solid weight above him and lets his own cock rub against Jensen’s stomach. 

There’s no slowing down now, no more sweetness as the animal instincts take over and they start rut against each other, hard and deep. Jared holds onto Jensen the entire time, pulling him closer, making him grind instead of thrust, making sure they both feel all of each other even as the sweat makes everything a little too slippery for friction. Jared isn’t even sure which one of them comes first. There’s just a building heat, sloppy kisses, crashing waves of pleasure that make them scream, and then it’s over, both of them totally spent with a mess on Jared’s stomach between them. 

Carefully, Jensen pulls out, kisses Jared’s nose quickly before he pads to the bathroom for a wet washcloth. Jared gratefully takes it and cleans up, tossing it to the floor to be dealt with tomorrow. They burrow down into the covers then, unable to tell whose arms and legs are whose. 

“We need to pack tomorrow,” Jensen says, as if they aren’t both still high from the sex chemicals in their brains. 

“Yeah. Did you see the schedule they emailed to us?”

“Yep. We’re doing autographs and taking pictures, too. I can’t believe that there are so many people willing to pay for that.”

“We’re three seasons deep. I guess it’s time we get used to it.”

Jensen hugs him closer. “I guess.”

“Hey, Jen?”

“Hmm?”

“This is all really exciting and overwhelming and all that, and I’m really glad I get to do it. But I’m mostly glad I get to do it with you.”

Jensen leans forward and presses their lips together, a “me, too” breathed between their tongues. 

They fall asleep still kissing.


	26. Chapter 26

The room is freezing, and Jared’s grateful for it. The nerves inside of him are making him feel hot, just seconds away from a sweat breaking over his forehead and ruining any pictures they’re about to take. 

Jensen is standing next to him, his face calm in that practiced expression he's mastered. He’s not the real Jensen anymore. He’s Jensen Ackles, the actor, ready to put on a show for their fans. Jared smiles a little for that, at how good Jensen is at this, at how he handles himself even when he’s nervous and out of his element like he is now. Jared will calm down once they begin, will find his groove and start entertaining people, because that’s what he’s done his whole life. But Jensen will use this act as a shield all day. Jared almost shivers at the thought of being the only one in the room able to really read him, the only one who will really know what Jensen’s thinking. 

“You ready?” the photographer asks, grinning at them.

“Let’s do it,” Jensen nods. 

The music gets a little louder, pumping through Jared’s veins and turning his nerves to excitement. A line of people starts snaking through the door slowly, mostly women, staring at Jared and Jensen with wide eyes while they get their tickets torn by the convention employees. 

“Hi!” Jared reaches out for the first two young women in line, clinging to each other and giggling a little, voices a tiny bit too high when they walk forward.

“Hi! Oh my gosh!” The first one laughs at herself and shakes her head a little, then steps between them and faces the camera. 

The second woman stares for a second. “You’re so tall,” she gasps, then puts her hand over her mouth. “Sorry. That was dumb.”

Jensen laughs and throws an arm around her, pulling her into his side. “Don’t worry. I still think Jared’s part giant, so.”

She laughs loudly, they all smile quickly as the picture snaps, and the women hurry away with a “thank you”. 

The rest of the photos continue to go that quickly, a blur of people thanking them, gushing over them, or being too nervous to say much at all. Jensen smiles and speaks, but he’s polite and a little formal, very aware that this is technically a job. Jared, however, forgets. It doesn’t take too long for him to just start having fun. Everyone is so nice, and it’s easy to get a little lost in it, to dance and joke around, to tease and play until even Jensen has loosened up a little.

The end of the line comes, the last few people taking advantage and hanging around a little longer to talk, to hug them a second time before leaving. 

“That wasn’t so bad,” Jared says, pushing his hair out of his face. 

Jensen slaps a hand on Jared’s shoulder, just to make physical contact. “Nope. Not bad at all.”

The photographer calls out at them. “Okay, can I get a few of just the two of you?”

“Sure,” they say in unison, moving automatically, angling their bodies the way they’ve always been taught. 

“You can relax a little,” the man grins, taking picture after picture. “I’d like a few goofy ones, too.”

Jared doesn’t know what comes over him. He just slings his leg up over Jensen and clings to him like he used to, silly and over the top. And just that one picture would have been fine. But once they touch that way, Jared can’t stop. Right there, in front of the cameras, Jared puts himself all over Jensen, arms and legs wrapped around him, pretending to bite him, grabbing his hand like they’re doing some weird tango, laying his head on his shoulder. Jensen goes right along with it, looking grumpy and stone-faced the whole time, like he’s an annoyed babysitter. It’s perfect. Jared wants to stay right there the rest of the day, Jensen’s warm body against his as people watch and smile, like maybe they’re meant to be together and the world wouldn’t end if everyone knew. 

And then Jensen steps away, just a small shuffle, but it’s enough for Jared to know to back off, that they’ve reached their public limit.

Kate, the woman chosen to be their handler for the day and get them to the right places at the right times, steps up and gives them her pretty, professional smile. “Guys, we’re due at your panel in fifteen minutes. Can I get you a drink or anything before we head to the main room?”

“Water would be great,” Jensen nods. “Thanks.”

They follow her to the green room, where they pick up bottles of water and Jared pockets a candy bar, and then it’s time. 

“You ready for this?” Jensen asks.

Jared nods, bumps Jensen’s shoulder and stands a little closer than he probably should, but Jensen doesn’t move away. They hear their names, hear the cheering from the crowd, and walk out into the lights. 

It’s not nearly as intimidating as Jared had feared. The stage is small and comfortable, the audience is enthusiastic and welcoming. Jared waves and blows a kiss, looks over at Jensen who is smiling a genuine smile, and completely relaxes.

“Hi, guys,” he says eventually. “Wow. Look at all of you!”

Jensen lifts his microphone. “I know! None of you had anything better to do today? Nerds.”

The crowd laughs at his only mildly funny joke, making him smirk a little, and Jared takes just a second to enjoy just how fucking sexy Jensen is when he’s confident like this, when he’s sure of himself despite his nerves and his private nature. 

“Okay,” Jensen says. “Do we...I see a line there. Do we have some questions?”

The first few questions are about the show and really easy to talk about, things like “what was your favorite monster on the show” and “do you do your own stunts”. They try to keep their answers interesting and fairly short, entertaining more than informative, because that’s what this crowd is paying for. 

And then a young girl, probably in her early teens, steps up to the microphone.  “Hi! I just wanted to tell you that I’m so excited you’re here.”

“Thanks, we’re excited to be here,” Jared smiles.

“My question is, uh, what’s the hardest scene you’ve ever had to film?”

“Any scene I’m forced to deal with Jensen,” Jared says, face totally straight, and the crowd laughs again as Jensen acts offended. There’s a moment where everyone waits for him to give a real answer, but his mind is drawing a blank, so he ignores the question and keeps the joke going, shrugs his shoulders and turns his chair. “Jensen? Hardest scene you’ve filmed?”

When Jensen speaks, his voice is oddly serious. “The end of season two, the finale where Sam dies? Yeah, that scene was hard for me. It just...it felt very final and very real, and it was an emotionally rough thing to film, you know?”

The crowd gives a hushed _awww_ , but Jared is stunned into silence, trying hard to keep a straight face and not look at Jensen.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jensen rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “But when you spend as much time together as we do, when you’re as close as we are, it all starts to feel a little more real, and that scene was obviously intense for our characters. That one was probably the hardest one for me to film.”

The girl thanks them and sits down, and Jared barely hears the next question, just goes through the motions as he tries not to smile, not to just explode from happiness right there on the stage.

“So, you kind of answered this just now,” the woman says, “but I wanted to know if you two are close outside of work? Like, do you hang out?”

Jared takes this one, wants to give Jensen the same feeling he has right now. “We’re really lucky, I think, because we kind of clicked from our first day on set. We know each other really well, and trust each other, which is really important when you do what we do. There’s no one else I would rather do this with than Jensen.”

He makes sure not to use the word  _ friend _ and to keep his answer vague. The audience assumes he’s talking about work, but he can tell by the way Jensen keeps his head bowed just a little, long legs stretched out in front of him, that he understands. 

The next question is a light one, and Jared is grateful for it. “What’s your favorite song?”

Jared thinks for a second and lists off a few bands he’s been listening to a lot lately. 

When he looks over at Jensen to get his answer, Jensen doesn’t hesitate. 

“Free Fallin’.”

********

It feels like years before they are alone again. They finish the panel, sign autographs, meet too many people for Jared to remember, and have dinner with the other celebrity guests. Jared’s exhausted when he gets back to his hotel room, feeling very much like his whole life has shifted a little after today. The full scope of the show, and its popularity and fan base, has hit him hard, made him realize how important this job is, how lucky he is. 

The knock at his door makes him smile, and he opens it quickly, pulling Jensen inside so he can kiss him hard, until they are both panting into each other’s mouths, hands gripping hips and digging in. 

“So,” he breathes, when he can pull himself away, “I think we’re famous.”

Jensen snorts a laugh. “Apparently. Can you believe today? That was incredible.”

“It really was.”

Jensen flops down on the bed and starts unlacing his boots. 

“You didn’t bring your bag,” Jared comments. 

“I figured I’d get ready in my own room tomorrow morning,” Jensen shrugs. “I gotta get back there really early anyway. Why? You’ll mind if I spend the whole night in here naked?”

Jared pushes Jensen’s shoulders until he’s sitting up straight, then slides right into his lap. Jensen instantly reaches around and squeezes his ass through his jeans. 

“Of course not,” Jared murmurs. “Just wish we could share a room.”

They kiss lazily, falling back on the bed at some point and rolling until they’re side by side, fingers drifting over jawlines as they suck and bite at each other’s mouths.  Jared sighs a little when Jensen rubs between his legs, coaxing his half-hard cock into an almost painful erection before reaching for the button of his jeans. 

“God, you feel good,” Jared whispers, letting his head fall back and his eyes flutter shut as Jensen works his pants open. 

“Yeah? You like this?” Once he gets Jared’s cock free from his underwear, he drags his fingertips over the entire length of it, light and tender, almost tickling. 

“I like everything you do.”

“So that would be a yes, you like this. And you like this?” Jensen wraps his fingers around Jared and squeezes hard, stroking faster, teasing precome out of Jared’s slit. 

“Fuck...yes…” Jared’s hips are moving now, working with Jensen’s rhythm. 

“And this?” Jensen moves, bends himself so he can swallow Jared down, just once, sucking hard all the way up, swirling his tongue over the head.

“ _ Yes _ ,” Jared moans, louder now. 

“And you’d like it if I fucked you, wouldn’t you? If I was buried inside you?”

“Jen, just do it.  _ Please _ .”

Jensen smiles against Jared’s mouth before kissing him again. “I will, I promise. But I want to go slow tonight. Just wanna enjoy you, okay?”

Jared blinks his eyes open, finds Jensen staring down at him, cheeks flushed and eyes dark. 

“Yeah. Okay.”

“You were really great today,” Jensen says, out of nowhere. “That panel was actually kinda fun.”

“ _ We _ were great,” Jared nods. “Thanks for what you said.”

Jensen nods, knowing exactly what Jared’s talking about. “I think we _both_ said some shit today,” he grins. “Good thing we’re the only ones that know what we were really talking about.”

Jared frowns, unable to stop the words. “Is it? Is it a good thing? Do you think those people would have rioted or something if we’d told the truth?”

Jensen drops his head to Jared’s chest and sighs. “We’ve talked about this, Jay. So many times.”

Jared sits up, forces Jensen to look at him. “I know. But today...today made things a little clearer, you know?”

He hasn’t actually thought this through, but he knows the words are true as he says them. He can feel it. 

“This show, those people...this is something really fucking  _ special. _ Us being together is going to piss some people off, but it’s not going to ruin anything. It’s just not.”

Jensen’s eyes go wide, almost like he’s a little scared. “What are you saying?”

Jared takes a deep breath and laces his fingers through Jensen’s. “I’m saying I don’t want to hide anymore. I’m not suggesting we make a big deal of it, or that we even tell anyone. But I don’t want to lie. And I don’t want to hide. I want to be us.”

He waits, lets the words sink in. He knows Jensen will need time to process everything. He expects Jensen to tell him that he’s crazy, expects him to say he needs to think about it, expects a fight.

But Jensen takes a minute, then focuses those green eyes right on Jared’s, and says the unexpected.

“Okay. I’m in.”


	27. Chapter 27

“You sure about this?” Jared asks. Jensen’s been anxious all day. It’s not anything he said or did, it’s just a feeling, just something Jared can feel. And he doesn’t want to do this is Jensen isn’t ready. 

“Of course I’m ready,” Jensen says, flashing a sure grin. A fake one. 

“Don’t do that,” Jared says, pulling Jensen a little closer. “It’s just me, Jen. Drop that tone and tell me the truth.”

Jensen shrinks just a little, reaches out to tug at the beanie on Jared’s head. “I’m a little nervous.”

Jared nods, waits patiently for Jensen to keep talking. 

“I just don’t want to wake up tomorrow to an internet shit storm. If this is going to end badly, I don’t want to deal with it. But I do want to go.”

“Then let’s go,” Jared says. “We talked about this. Fuck what anyone else has to say, right? Who cares if there’s a shit storm? We won’t be part of it. You don’t have to be a celebrity protecting his image tonight, right? You just have to be a guy taking me out on a date.”

Jensen takes a deep breath and nods, still anxious, but his feet move toward the door and that’s all Jared really cares about. 

The restaurant is nice, one they’ve frequented since they discovered it, hidden on a side street in downtown Vancouver. They park a few streets away and walk there, despite the cold, enjoying the holiday displays in the windows. When Jared bumps Jensen’s shoulder with his own, he doesn’t pull away.

This is what Jared has been waiting for. 

After their promises at the convention, they’ve been pretty busy, and haven’t had a chance to actually act on them. But here they are, just a few days away from winter hiatus and going home to Texas for a while, and it feels like the right time. Jared wants to reach for Jensen’s hand, but he manages to stop himself. Baby steps.

It’s enough that Jensen is here, sliding into the opposite side of a dimly lit booth, pulling his scarf off and ordering a drink. “I think I’ll have a bourbon tonight. Maker’s Mark? And he’ll have your best scotch. On the rocks.”

The waitress smiles and nods, walks away without any sign that she recognizes them. 

“What?” Jensen asks, raising an eyebrow as Jared grins at him. 

“You just ordered my drink for me.”

“Sorry, did you want something else? I can probably get her back before she tells the bartender-”

“It’s not that. It’s just. It’s something a boyfriend does.”

Jensen actually blushes, something Jared thought they were long past, and it takes everything he has not to lean across the booth and kiss him full on the mouth. “Yeah. I guess it is.”

Just like always, it takes no time at all for them to fall into a conversation. Almost three years, and they haven’t run out of things to say, haven’t stopped being enamored with each other. This time, though, Jensen doesn’t look around to see who’s watching. This time, Jared lets his leg stretch out and settle against Jensen’s, their ankles rubbing together under the table. 

“Oh my God!”

A short, cute woman and a bored-looking, just as attractive man are standing at their table.

“I’m sorry, but you’re...you’re Sam and Dean, right?”

Jared smiles and nods. “Hi! What’s your name?”

“I’m Elyse. This is my boyfriend, Matt.”

Matt nods, and pulls at her hand. “Okay, you said hi. Now let’s leave them alone.” He looks at Jensen apologetically. “We didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s no trouble,” Jensen says, shoulders a little rigid. “We’re glad you came over to say hi.”

“Would you mind if...could I maybe get a quick picture?”

“Sure.”

She pulls a tiny digital camera out of her purse and shoves it at Matt, then plants herself in front of the table. Jared and Jensen both lean in close to her and smile, and then she’s gone, calling a thank you and staring at the screen of the camera.

Jared watches Jensen closely, waits for him to go quiet or start paying attention to the people around him. To his credit, his eyes only do one quick scan of the room before they’re back on Jared. 

“Sorry,” he murmurs.

“Don’t be,” Jared shrugs. 

And just like that, they are back in their own little world. 

Jensen has no idea how fucking perfect he is. Sometimes, like tonight, it hits Jared out of nowhere. He’s so used to Jensen at this point that his perfection has become normal, not shocking or surprising. But every now and then, Jared is struck with it. As Jensen pays for the meal, pays for both of them like they’re a real and public couple, Jared stares at the artwork of his face, at his lips, his eyelashes, his straight nose and sharp jaw. And all of that is made even more perfect with the warmth in his voice, by the strength in his shoulders that Jared knows comes from the strength of his heart, by the solid steadiness of him that always manages to calm Jared when he’s overwhelmed by his own feelings.

“I love you,” Jared says, out of nowhere and for no reason, just as Jensen is standing up to pull his coat on. 

Jensen doesn’t hesitate to look Jared straight in the eyes. “I love you, too.”

“You ready for the rest of our date?”

Jensen grins. “Can we just go home instead? We can go to the movies some other time, right?”

“What did you have in mind?” 

“Things that we couldn’t do in public, whether people know we’re a couple or not.”

Jared’s cock swells a little in his pants at that, all the sweetness of his previous thoughts melting into something hotter and dirtier. “Sounds good to me.”

This time, when they get outside and head back to the car, Jared _does_ reach for Jensen’s hand. Jensen flinches at first, but lets Jared wind their fingers together. 

Jared squeezes his hand as his heart threatens to burst right out of his chest. “Thank you.”

Jensen doesn’t say much until they get back to their house. But once they’re inside, he’s all over Jared, murmuring in his ear as they stumble to the bedroom together. “Did you see that girl tonight? On the street?”

“What?”

Jensen pushes Jared down on the bed and kneels in front of him, pulling off Jared’s shoes. “She was staring at you like she’d suck your cock right there if you asked her. And then you grabbed my hand.”

“She saw?” Jared cocks his head, wondering where Jensen is going with this, leaning back on his hands when Jensen goes for the zipper of his pants. 

“She did,” he nods. “And she looked disappointed. And a little irritated.”

He hooks his fingers into Jared’s pants and briefs, baring his lower half in one swoop.

“And?” Jared prompts, ignoring how hard his own cock is.

“And,” Jensen licks his lips, “I liked it. People look at you like that all the time, and that was the first time I got to tell them you belong to me.”

His voice is so possessive, so hard and jealous that Jared’s cock jerks involuntarily, flushing darker under Jensen’s words. 

“How did that feel?” Jared’s voice is barely a whisper now as Jensen leans in, hands running up Jared’s thighs. 

“I liked it. Liked being able to look at her and smirk. Liked other people knowing you’re mine.”

Jared groans a little when Jensen licks a line up the soft skin of Jared’s inner thigh, almost but not quite reaching his cock. 

“You’re gorgeous, and you’re magnetic. Like sunshine. Everyone wants you. And tonight, that girl wanted you, and I got to tell her that you were coming home with me.”

Jared can’t breathe. He can’t think. He can only stare, dumbfounded, heart thudding in his ears at Jensen’s words. 

Finally, his tongue slides over the head of Jared’s cock, but even as he kisses up and down the length of it, he keeps talking. “Want to tell everyone, Jay. Want everyone to know that you picked me, that I’m the one who gets to do this. The only one who gets to do this.”

Jared cries out when Jensen sinks down on his cock, sucks hard and keeps pushing down, until Jared is buried in his throat. It’s like he’s drunk as he falls back on the bed, head spinning with all the things Jensen rarely says out loud, buzzing with the whole night and the feel of Jensen’s lips wrapped around him now. 

“Mine,” Jensen growls, pulling away with a wet sound to start undressing himself. 

Jared pulls off his own shirt and scoots back on the bed, groans when Jensen finally joins him, skin against skin like it’s the first time. 

“I _am_ yours,” Jared whispers against his mouth, hands locking at the back of Jensen’s neck to hold him in the kiss. 

Jensen kisses back just as passionately, tongue and teeth bruising Jared’s lips as his hands dig into his sides, his grip as possessive as his words had been. Jared arches into the touch, shivers and tingles at the idea of being Jensen’s, of everyone seeing them together and knowing that he belonged to the most gorgeous man in existence. 

When they have to pull apart rather than suffocate in each other’s mouths, Jared whimpers a little, but Jensen smiles and kisses his way down Jared’s neck, not stopping until he gets to his chest. Jared runs his fingers through his short hair, guides his head lower until his mouth is over Jared’s hips. 

“Mark me. So everyone will know I’m yours.”

“But no one will see it here,” Jensen smirks, then pushes himself back up to Jared’s neck. “Maybe I should do it here. Where everyone will actually know.”

Their eyes meet, and Jared can feel the challenge there. Jensen has finally made the decision to do this, to stop hiding. It’s there in his eyes, and once Jensen has made a decision, he doesn’t look back. 

Jared answers by tilting his head, giving Jensen an expanse of skin to work with. 

For the first time ever, Jensen gives Jared a hickey in a spot that others will see. His lips seal over Jared’s pulse and he sucks, hard, groaning a little. Jared digs his fingers into Jensen’s arms and thrusts his hips up into the air, almost coming from the sensation, from what it means. 

And Jensen is thorough. He sucks again and again, not satisfied until Jared can feel it throbbing, and Jensen declares it a dark enough purple to last at least a week. 

Jared spreads his legs then, and Jensen fucks him, rough and hard but still sweet somehow, every touch one of _we’re free now_. 

Jared hasn’t come that hard in months, maybe even a year. 

The next day, the entire makeup trailer is giggling at Jared’s neck. 

“You know,” Shannon chastises, “you could have asked Jensen to stick to the lower half of your body. Or your chest, at least.”

Jared blushes. No one ever speaks about them so openly, but with a huge hickey on his neck, there’s nothing left to hide. “I’ll let him know.”

Sarah meets his eyes in the mirror and grins. “I think it’s sweet.”

It’s just a small thing, but Jared gets it. She’s giving him her support.

“Thank you,” he says, turning around to kiss her on the forehead. 

“You’re welcome. Now sit down. It’s gonna take me forever to cover this up.”

They film for the next eleven hours, Jensen’s mark tingling away on Jared’s neck under a mountain of concealer. It’s probably the best day Jared’s ever had at work, and his good mood continues until they are back at home, Jensen lying on the couch as he sits on the floor in front of it, laptop balanced on his lap. 

“So. Should we check the blogs and see what the damage from last night is?” he asks, ready to bite the bullet. Whatever it is, the faster they know, the faster they can get through it.

But Jensen only smiles. “We don’t need to.”

“Did you already look? Did we fly under the radar last night?”

Jensen shakes his head. “I didn’t look, but we don’t need to. Because I don’t really give a shit if we flew under the radar or not.”

Jared remembers his decision made face from the night before. Jensen’s really okay with this. 

The laptop is quickly shoved to the side as Jared climbs up onto the couch, right into Jensen’s waiting arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! XOXO


End file.
